love Archives - Page 13 of 17

What KKK Can Teach Us About Love

May 5, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

No, we’re not talking about that KKK – we’re talking about Kyler and Katia Kline!

Kylar and Katia hiking on Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado

Despite the naysayers and despite the ugliness and ignorance surrounding a recent highly publicized, highly dysfunctional interracial “relationship” that has dominated the news, interracial relationships – devoid of the cray-cray – are thriving.

Black women are living well and more and more of them are enjoying their lives, thumbing their collective noses at the nonsense and the madness and demonstrating to the world what real love is all about.

These Black women are dating, marrying and building families. Many are married to men we call “warriors” – our military men who are on the front lines protecting our freedoms.

(And many of them are “warriors” themselves!)

This week we take a refreshing break from the dysfunction and the madness and bring you a wonderful couple who, despite the deployments that are the norm of military life, are happy and whole – loving each other and living life to the fullest.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Kyler and Katia Kline.

In most instances the wife fills out our interview questionnaire. But in the case of Kyler and Katia, Kyler wanted to be the one to share their very special story – and in so doing proclaim his love of Katia to the world!

Enjoy their beautiful pictures – and enjoy their love!

Where do you live?

We live in Clarksville, Tennessee, in the greatest nation in the world.

How long you have been together?

We have been together for four years, three of which we have been happily married.

What are the names and ages of your children and/or grandchildren?

We currently do not have any children, but have already picked out some names for when the time comes.

How/where did you meet?
We first meet in the 10th grade and became friends and stayed friends throughout the years.

She shared an apartment with a good friend of mine and while home on leave we started talking and spending time together, and with my irresistible charm and good looks we decided to keep talking long distance.

After 6 months we decided to make it serious, and 6 months after that she sacrificed her current life to marry and eventually come live with me in Colorado – something I will forever be grateful for.

What was your defining moment – that moment when you each knew you were in love?

We were at her apartment watching a movie together and we started holding hands. It was at this time I finally knew I was falling in love with her.

Then, when I was deployed to Afghanistan she sang, “You Are My Sunshine” to me. It was at this time I KNEW I loved her.

Our coming home kiss when my unit arrived home from Afghanistan – our first kiss in a year!

How did you families and friends respond to the news of your relationship?

My sisters were worried for their little brother as always and provided me with advice, yet they loved Katia and were happy and supportive of us.

My father was supportive of our relationship, but on hearing news that we wanted to get married expressed strongly that we at the age of 21 were too young to get married. He was extremely upset after hearing that we did get married but later approved of it after hearing words of wisdom from my Step-Mom. He then even offered Katia a room at his house while I was deployed.

My biological mom was of a different side and became slightly prejudiced. She did not expect to have her son dating a beautiful young Black lady; furthermore upon hearing of our engagement she expressed she wanted white grandkids. This was deeply upsetting to us.

But after getting to know Katia she began to love her and they are now close loving friends as mother and daughter in law, and even call each other regularly. My Mom also can’t wait for the cutest mixed babies the world will have ever seen!

Katia and I before we got married. She is holding my niece Elizabeth.

The majority of our friends were very happy and supportive, but some of my male friends had the suspicion that she may be a “Tag Chaser,” which is a person who wants to date a soldier for the benefits or nostalgia of it. Most people don’t realize how poorly soldiers get paid till they marry one. But after meeting her they realized she was a benevolent young lady who loved me for me, and were then supportive.

The Army’s birthday ball at Fort Carson

How did you handle it?

I followed my heart, and could not be happier that I did.

This is my favorite picture of Katia, which I kept on me at all times while deployed in Afghanistan

What do you like most about your mate?

Everything not to sound corny, but I love how kind and loving she is, her smile, how she can sometimes be a handful, that she’s out going and fun, her body. And most of all that she chose to spend the rest of her life loving me.

This photo was our honeymoon night. Unfortunately we couldn’t go on a real vacation because I was only home for two weeks and had to go back to Afghanistan.

What advice would you give to others who are interested in dating/marrying interracially?

I don’t see races, I only see many Americans of different cultures all of which I love. Unfortunately not everyone in America feels this way, so be ready for constant glares and judgment from others in public. This more so happens to my wife when I’m with her we only get glares and looks, most likely because of my size I tend to be intimidating.

She has even been attacked on face book before, being called many names. But we still publicly display how proud we are to be together and to be in love with one another.

Our first baseball game together at the Denver Colorado Rockies stadium. We found that baseball was to boring for us.

Anything else you believe is pertinent or just want to add?

We love your page and what it stands for!

THIS, Ladies and Gentleman, is what love is supposed to be like: Pure, proud and real. Thanks to Kyler for the service he provides to our country and thanks to Katia for being the wind beneath his wings!

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to Profiles@TheSwirlWorld.com.

How Do You Mend A Broken Heart? The Love Story Of Brad And Jamaica Miller – The Conclusion

April 30, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 3 Comments

For the past two weeks we have shared Part 1 and Part 2 of the story of Jamaica and Brad Miller, a military couple currently stationed in Louisiana.

Jamaica poured out her heart and shared her story with us – the good, the bad and the ugly. Some of her story we deemed too intimate and too personal to share via this medium, yet we’re honored and humbled Jamaica trusted us with her story and felt comfortable enough to let us peek into her experiences.

Jamaica left no stone unturned and hopes her story serves as an inspiration to other women.

Jamaica’s story is one of blood, sweat and a bucket load of tears. In many ways Jamaica is – no, was – a classic representation of a woman who stays in an abusive, dead-end relationship for far too long – and to her own detriment.

Thankfully, Jamaica was able to file for divorce and not only make a new start, but find a true and lasting love. Sadly, many women who flee physical, mental and emotionally abusive relationships are not as fortunate: Almost 1-million domestic violence incidents are reported each year (and if this is the number of reported incidents, can you imagine what the number would be if all incidents were reported???) [Source]

On average, 3 women and 1 man are murdered by their partner each day.

Each. Day.

Ponder that fact as you read the concluding installment of Jamaica Miller’s story:

I filed for divorce again and moved out to my sister’s house. June came and I saw on Facebook that Brad would be returning to the states. I thought he would return to Kentucky and wondered how I would handle it, but he was sent to Louisiana.

I was happy for him and glad that he was back from his deployment safe and sound. I watched him on Facebook and noticed how women paid him compliments and obviously tried to get to know him. I had to admit that jealousy and other feelings were taking over me.

I prayed, Lord what is happening to me? I kept my distance but I knew in my heart this time I clearly wanted more.

The divorce was in process. I had signed my papers and was just waiting on my ex to sign his. Months passed by and still nothing. After much begging and pleading, he finally signed.

I didn’t immediately run to Brad. I talked to him from time to time but I kept my feelings hidden. Months passed and I heard nothing other than he was just enjoying his leave.

I continued to see pictures of him living, dating and enjoying life. Feeling unhappy, I finally expressed to him that I didn’t like it. He reminded me we were just friends. I thought, Oh ok, Jamaica – that’s all you wanted from day one, right? For him to be a friend?

I kept praying, and asked the Lord if Brad was the man for me. I prayed that if there was anything ungodly in him that God would remove it from him, if he was the man He had for me.

By this time me and Brad’s conversations had only been on Facebook. I wanted to hear his voice but wasn’t ready to express I wanted more.

So you know the info tab that’s on Facebook? Well, it had his phone number so I saved it to my phone. It took me two weeks to actually use it! LOL!

I took a deep breath and texted, “Hello friend it’s Jamaica. I’m so glad you made it back safe. Be good, don’t break hearts.”

He texted me back and said, “I wouldn’t if you’ll just be my girl already! Stop telling me no – there’s nothing stopping you now.”

I laughed and said, Ok. We conversed and sent messages and acknowledged we had feelings – and now that we’d said it, long distance was in our way now.

At the end of August I got a message from Brad saying, “I’m coming to see you. I can’t take it anymore.” I said, “You’re kidding, right?”

He said, “Nope!”

I was nervous, not knowing if he’d be the same man behind the messages and conversations. On August 31 he texted me and said, “I’m outside.”

I froze a good 10 minutes before making it to the door. I went outside to his truck and we hugged, our smiles big as ever. The first thing he said was, “Do you have a bag I can use for my shoes? I kinda just through them in my truck – I was just ready to get to you!”

I laughed and said sure. We headed to my sister’s house. All I remember is him holding my hand the whole ride telling me I’m beautiful. I felt like a princess.

I knew this was my sunshine after the storm!!!!

He could only stay four days and by October we knew we wanted our relationship to go further. He asked me to move to Louisiana. He continued to say there wasn’t much there, but that he’d make it worth it for his family.

On Jan 29th he asked me to marry him! I started planning a small wedding. On February 2 he got baptized. We got married on February 14!

We asked, What was your defining moment – that moment when you each knew you were in love?

Jamaica’s response: The defining moment I knew I was in love was our first kiss. It lasted forever with him just holding me tight!!

Brad’s response: My defining moment was making two back-to-back trips to see Jamaica. I would never travel to see a woman – but she was worth it!

How did you families and friends respond to the news of your relationship? How did you handle it?

I’ve attached a picture of a text message showing his Mom and Dad’s responses:

After we got married, Brad called his aunt. They all congratulated us.

When Brad came to town to see me that first time, we went to my sister’s house. My nieces and nephew ran to the door to meet him. My oldest sister just kept giving me that look and whispered, “He’s the one – keep him!” Lol! For my sister to say that, I knew I was on the right path.

Later my little sister came in town from Lexington. We sat up and chatted for a while. She said, “I can tell you like him. I know he’s the one so take your time and I can’t wait to be in your wedding!” LOL

My Mom and Dad gave their seal of approval and welcomed Brad to the family. They asked him if his parents were ok with him dating outside his race and he replied, “Yes – from the time I was born!” LOL

What do you like most about your mate?

Jamaica’s response: What I like most about my husband is his drive to go above and beyond for his family. Our daughter wanted to change the color of her dresser and put her new initial “M” on it – and he did just that.

Brad’s response: What I like most about my wife is that she loves me no matter the trail of clothes I leave from the shower to the closet after pt! At first she fussed but now I just leave a note saying, Sorry, Hun I had to rush back to work to bring home the bacon. I LOVE YOU !!!

What advice would you give to others who are interested in dating/marrying interracially?

Our advice would be, Go for it! Love comes in all shades. Don’t be afraid and don’t worry about the dirty looks you get. The only thing that matters is the love you have for each other and how happy you are.

Most important don’t try to change each other, but enjoy the things that make you different. For the first time ever, I rode a horse for my husband. I was scared out my mind at first but I had fun! LOL

For us, we know God doesn’t make mistakes. Make God the center In all you do!!!

So that’s us, the Millers. I hope our story touches others’ hearts, knowing that anything is possible!!!

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic HOTLINE at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or visit TheHotline.org.

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to Profiles@TheSwirlWorld.com.

How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?

April 16, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

We’ve all seen it: Pictures of a storybook wedding complete with a dreamy guy and girl whose story seems to come straight out of a fairy tale.

Even though in our little girl hearts many of us would love to be that girl in the photos, if we’re honest life experiences have taught our “big girl” hearts that sometimes the road to love is not characterized by a smoothly sailing ship – no, sometimes the road to love is filled with bumps and bruises – real ones.

Mrs. Jamaica Miller, wife of Brad Miller reached out to us on our Facebook page. She shared her storybook photos – and was also very honest and transparent in telling the not so pretty story that preceded it.

Over the next few posts we’ll share Jamaica’s story with you as she shared it with us.

Where do you live?

Fort Polk, Louisiana

How long you have been married?

Six amazing months!

What are the names and ages of your children and/or grandchildren?

We have the most beautiful little girl! Her name is Raionna. She’s 9, and she’s from a past relationship.

For my daughter, this is all she ever wanted and even for myself as a mother living the “single mom” life. My husband instantly took to her and asked me if he could adopt her. As a mother I couldn’t want anything more but for my daughter to have two parents who love her. I asked for her approval and said, “Do you want Brad to be your father?” She said, “YES!”

If you were to ask my husband today what he lives for, his reply would be to be an amazing father to provide all the things he never had, and the most admirable one of all, to serve his country. He’s the most dedicated soldier I know!!! We’re currently “ttc” (trying to conceive).

How/where did you meet?

Are you ready? This is so funny. So by 2009 I had moved away from Kentucky, which is my childhood home. Now to Colorado Springs, CO – in this time frame my now husband had joined the army and arrived to his first duty station in Kentucky. We didn’t cross paths at all. This is just a little history so you can understand better.

I was previously married, and I was in an abusive marriage. I married a man when all the signs were pointing not too. You see, I grew up with the image “this is love.” Ugh! I’m all teary-eyed! Lol.

So, I’d arrived in Colorado with the drive, and the thought, “This (my previous marriage) will work. God is with me; He can change this man.”

Oh boy was I wrong! I was thinking, ‘New place; new people.’ Nope! My ex-husband had women lined up to meet – I never saw a phone bill so long. Try not to cry as I continue, but I know my testimony will change lives.

So that first year my life was hell. Picture that little girl at the door begging her Daddy not to go. That was me – that wife begging her husband not to go, knowing he’s running to another woman – and with a push and a punch for me to stay put.

Long story short, after six months in he left me for another woman, with no food, no money, not knowing where to start. Calls from other women – their pregnant calls asking me who I was, as if I was the other woman and was not his wife; like I’m just his crazy baby mom, etc.

You can only imagine how many times the police were called, how many bruises I had hiding under my clothes.

I cried, I cried; I prayed and I cried. The more I cried, the more he left and the closer me and God got. I was on my knees praying, “Lord, I know, I know this isn’t what You have planned for me. That little girl in the other room – I need to get up for her.

I prayed, “Lord, what is Your purpose for me? I know it’s greater than my own understanding. Lord, please find me a church home so I can start on this walk with you.”

Fast forward two years. Same troubles; same tears. I sit on the porch and I see a woman crossing the street toward me. I said in my head, “Please don’t!” She approaches and says, “Hi! My name is Kenyatta. I make jewelry; you should come check it out.”

Me, though I’m a shy soul, I said yes. Her home was so welcoming! She continued to tell me about her wonderful church, which was Open Bible Baptist Church. From that day forward I attended church and car-pooled with her.

My husband only came home for clothes. Days went by with the sun coming up and I still hadn’t seen him. It seemed the closer to God I got, the further he was into the world.

A year later I gave my life to The Lord I was saved and baptized. I separated and filed for divorce after my husband’s last attack landed me in the hospital with a hand cast because I was fighting for dear life trying to get away.

I enrolled in school to become a pharmacy tech, left high and dry and started living on my own. I landed a job in a pharmacy through my church two months into school. My life began to blossom and I couldn’t be more happy. My birthday was February 15 birthday is here and 24 never felt so good.

Two days later I received a Facebook message – yes, FACEBOOK. Guess who it was?

————–

Stay tuned for Part II of “How Do You Mend A Broken Heart!”

Join In The Fray: Do you believe love comes in neat little packages? Why or why not?

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to Profiles@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Mondays With Mike: The Providence Of Love

March 31, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

Though we are not a dating site by any means, here at The Swirl World we pride ourselves on the quality of connections we make.

Our man Mike in Australia is no exception. We love him to pieces, Adrienne and I, and he feels the same way about us.

We met providentially – and then lo and behold, Cupid got in the mix!

Remember the movie Eat, Pray, Love starring Julia Roberts?

For many of us, love is a process. Sometimes Love finds us – or better yet, we find it – in the strangest of ways.

Cue the roses, wine and violins, because this one is a doozy! We’ll let Mike tell you:

The Fear Factor
We’re often convinced that things are either going to plan, coasting in neutral, or falling apart completely.

While we do have a great deal of control over our lives, sometimes we can be too afraid of what we think is a loss of control, and embrace the certainty that comes with fear of the unknown, and stick to what we know.

This isn’t something unnatural, as everyone needs to have a strong foundation from which they can start from, and rely upon to be unchanging in their lives. But that’s what it just is – a foundation.

You need to be able to build up and branch out from those places, and not just rely on the solitary comforts they provide. Otherwise you wake up one day thinking to yourself that your time has passed you by, and you had a chance before but now it’s gone and there is no bringing it back.

You could use that as a justification to sticking with what you know, resigning yourself to the fact that this is as good as it gets, and that’s that.

Fate Versus Destiny – The Power Of A Moment
Or, you could do something else. I believe a moment acted upon is a moment that is never lost, and can often bring great rewards and opportunities.

It’s the question of fate versus destiny. You could say they mean essentially the same thing, but that’s never rung true for me. It seems that fate is something which happens if you believe that things can’t ever change, that the time you had to be adventurous and excited has gone, and you’re stuck where you are.

Destiny, I believe, is what happens when you take action, no matter what it is, and strike out into the unknown. You never know where it’s going to take you. It looks dangerous, you might get hurt, and you’ll definitely have your setbacks.

But it’s also thrilling. And it’s also life affirming. It makes you feel something strong to the core of your marrow, and often rewards you well for taking the first step.

What Happened When I Stopped Falling For The Okey-Doke

So, what does this have to do with Swirling? Well I’ll tell you. For a long while I thought that black women weren’t interested in white men. I was caught by that lie hook, line and sinker. Then I randomly searched on YouTube one day and found I was completely mistaken. One video led to the next and then to the next, which led me to a YouTube channel. I thought I would send a message to via their Facebook page, saying how much I loved what they did and thanked them for encouraging swirling.

Providence

Turns out I sent the message to the wrong page, but struck up a great conversation with Michelle and Adrienne, Admins of The Swirl World. They were fantastically warm and inviting, great with a conversation (which we’ve held for a long time now), and really encouraging.

Serendipity

It’s from there I told them about my writing, which they encouraged again, to poetry, to saying I should post poetry for women on #blackgirlsunday on twitter, to me doing so and having a great reception and lots of fun, to finding a girl on there who was really great to talk to, and ending up finding her as my muse for a lot of my creativity, and developing an ongoing relationship with her!

The Power Of One Small Step

If I had not made that first small step, which led me to message the wrong page (which in the end turned out to be the right one!), I’d still be back where I was 6 months ago.

I can tell you that in the last 6 months I have fallen in love with my life once again. I live for feeling my heart flutter, the closeness, the love, the passion and inspiration. And even if this were to end in heartbreak (which I am quite intent on making sure does not happen), I would have to be glad and thankful for this opportunity to show love and have this happiness.

So my main thought today is this – Put yourself out there. Take the chance; you never know where you’ll be taken by the simplest of actions!

You’ll grow stronger than you had ever thought and be richer for it, guaranteed. That’s why I am so glad to see the Swirl World getting people to open up, put themselves out there, and find what they want in life.

Go for it people, you have nothing to lose.

Cheers!

Mike

Editor’s Note: Stay tuned for updates in this unfolding love story!
___________

Join in the Fray: What small step do YOU need to make?

Got a question for Mike? Send it to us via inbox on The Swirl World’s Facebook page or by email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Follow Mike on Twitter @500and50 read his blog at 500and50.com, or message him on his 500and50 Facebook page.

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to Profiles@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Meet Our Youngest Swirlers (They Started Dating At 16!)

March 24, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 3 Comments

One of the things we love most about The Swirl World is the fact that our Swirlers come in all shapes, sizes, ethnicities – and ages.

Some people start Swirling later in life, others claim they’ve been Swirling from the cradle (well, almost).

Today in our continuing series on “Extraordinary People . . . Extraordinary Love” we’re excited to introduce you to the youngest Swirlers we’ve profiled.

Meet Erika Ragans and Jeanpaul Font-ayala!

Where do you live?

We live in our home town of Jacksonville, Florida. Florida is my birthplace while Jean’s is Puerto Rico. We both go to school but I’m part time because of my full-time job. Jean is a fulltime student.

How long you have been together?

Jean and I are both 20. We’ve been dating 4 years.

How/where did you meet?

Jeanpaul and I met in high school. He says he always had a crush on me but didn’t make a move until my boyfriend moved to Texas.

I love telling people about our first date because it was also the first time my Mother meet him. When she first saw Jean, she actually refused to let me go with him because he looked about 30 to her – we were both 15 at the time!

What was your defining moment – that moment when you each knew you were in love?

Erika: I knew I was in love with Jean when on vacation I wanted to go down to the pool for a quick swim. Jean agreed and we went, but after we got out of the water I realized Jean was covered in red bumps. Turns out his skin is really sensitive to changes in temperature so first the water, and then the cold air made him break out. He knew it would all along – he went swimming just because he knows I love to swim!

Jeanpaul: I fell in love when we were both standing in front of a mirror. I looked at her and thought, I want to be with her for a very long time.

How did you families and friends respond to the news of your relationship? How did you handle it?

Jean’s family had no real feeling about our relationship but later on when his mother saw how serious we were getting she got a little worried. My family wasn’t that shocked since I’ve never really dated someone my race.

What do you like most about your mate?

Jean: I love Erika’s personality and the fact that she’s willing to work through any of our problems.

Erika: The thing I love most about Jean is that he will always do his best to make me happy.

What advice would you give to others who are interested in dating/marrying interracially?

Our advice for people who want to date or marry someone who is a different race is this: forget skin color – just be with whoever makes you happy!

Erika and Jeanpaul – we’re happy you made that discovery at such a young age!

Swirl on.

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to Profiles@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Mondays With Mike: Why I Celebrate Black Women In Poetry (Part 2)

March 17, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

So last week on Mondays With Mike, our favorite Aussie shared a beautiful poem penned to (and for) his muse, @MissLJay20.

Today, Mike gives us the details on why he celebrates Black Women in poetry (and is inspired by his Muse):

Why I Celebrate Black Women In Poetry

All artists need a Muse, a source of inspiration, something which sets their spirits aflame, ignites their senses. Something to make them feel that if they don’t attempt to honour that beauty and majesty their soul will burst from trying to keep it all in.

It may seem strange but it’s just the way my Muse works. I don’t think I am alone in feeling like this. I think it’s the soul of all creativity.

Why Black Women In Particular?

So what is it that makes me filled with inspiration to write poetry for Black Women? Why Black Women in particular? Because my Muse moves when I see Black Women, when I hear them, when I appreciate them on all levels, I am always entranced.

I have to celebrate Black Women; my Muse guides my hands in doing so, and I love being able to communicate what I feel in what I write. If I wish to write and write well, I need my source of inspiration, and my Muse requires her due, which I am more than willing to give.

Luckily this has been easy of late. My Muse is beautiful, gives me so much inspiration to write, so much passion and energy that sometimes I don’t know if I will ever be able to pay it back in kind. I try my best and I am forever grateful for the gifts bestowed.

And Now, My Heart Is Open

I once thought that I should guard myself closely, be closed off and wary, worried of possible heartaches and troubles, but I am now looking more and more towards being open-hearted and looking for the possible in all things, to be thankful in finding it, and rejoicing in the happiness of it.

I won’t question why I should be so lucky so I don’t spoil it, but instead be gracious, thankful and appreciative in having received it, and trying my best to honour the gift I have been given.

And that is what has inspired my latest poem, and I hope it conveys that as best as can be said.

Cheers!

We have to say, @MissLJay20 is a beautiful Black Woman – and Mike is blessed to have her as his Muse!

Join in the Fray: Who or what inspires YOU?

Got a question for Mike? Send it to us via inbox on The Swirl World’s Facebook page or by email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Follow Mike on Twitter @500and50 read his blog at 500and50.com, or message him on his 500and50 Facebook page.

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

What Making The First Move Can Teach Us About Finding Love

March 5, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 6 Comments

Ladies, if you were at a party and saw a cute guy you found interesting, what would you do?

I’m directing my questions to ladies because it’s not surprising for men to make the first move – in fact, it’s usually expected.

But what about a woman? Is there ever a time when a woman should make the first move?

Different schools of thought and theories exist on whether a woman should make any moves. Some believe a nice smile, lingering glance or simply saying hello should be enough for a woman to indicate interest.

Others advocate women doing absolutely nothing other than letting a man make all the moves – if he’s interested, they reason, then he’ll make a move in the woman’s direction.

Still others believe nothing is wrong with a woman being open about her interest – and going after what she wants.

Meet Lela and Mark.

When Lela saw Mark, she – well, read their story and find out!

Where do you live?

We live in Loganville, GA

How long have you been together?

We’ll be together two years come May.

Do you have any children?

We have a five-month-old named Maleah and one on the way, that’ll be here come this August.

How/where did you meet?

We met at a night lounge. We were not looking for each other but we found each other. I saw him and went to him and asked if he wanted to dance, he said, “Yes of course!” (Lol!)

But we talked and danced all night together. At the end of the night he walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers. He tried to kiss me but I wasn’t having it. Lol!

We started hanging out; I mean every weekend he was coming to my house to pick me up. Rain or whatever he was there. Things progressed as we spent more time with each other. Just finding out how much we had in common was so nice.

Well one day at his house relaxing on the porch, he asked to make our friendship official into a relationship. I couldn’t deny it. He was all that I wanted in a man. Very sweet, funny, smart and truly cared for me.

How did your families respond to your relationship?

Our families were very supportive. My family loved that I found someone who I could spend my time with, enjoy life and possibly grow old together. His family was happy he found someone cool, calm and collected to help keep him grounded.

What do you like most about each other?

Lela: What I like most about him is that he’s such a hardworking man. He truly loves me, and he’s an amazing father.

Mark: What I like most about her is her personality and her sense of humor. She’s beautiful, and we have so much in common.

What advice would you give to others who are interested in dating/marrying interracially?

Our advice is to go for it! You never know what you could be missing out on if you’re not open to different possibilities.

And there you have it! Lela wasn’t too shy or afraid to ask Mark to dance, and the rest is history. Sometimes making the first move can lead to lasting love – and that goes both ways!

Join in the Fray: Who should make the first move – a man or a woman?

All rights reserved. All work is the copyright of the respective owner, otherwise copyright © 2014 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, Dallas, TX, USA. Photos used with permission.

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

How To Find A Wife At Church – Even When People Say You Can’t

February 26, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 4 Comments

Despite the seemingly endless barrage of news stories concerning “Church Leaders Gone Wild” (and that shameless, God-forsaken monstrosity of a reality show called “Preachers of LA”), many of us still believe in God.

Not only that, many of us go to churches that make sense and have Pastors who don’t make us ashamed.

Yes, despite the bad rap many individuals receive for going to or actively participating in church, many people still attend and enjoy a vibrant expression of their faith.

And you know what? Many people still DO meet their spouses at church!

In this week’s profile of “Ordinary People . . . Extraordinary Love,” we’d like you to meet Ian and Evoni Hochstrasser.

Ian and Evoni Hochstrasser enjoyed dating

They met – you guessed it – at church!

The Hochstrasser’s took a few minutes to respond to our questions, and share their beautiful story – and family – with us.

Where do you live?

We currently live in Idaho but are both from Oregon and hope to return there!

How long have you been together?

We’ve been together for over 6 1/2 years; married over 5 ½.

When did you know he/she was “The One?”

We knew we were in love when we had some time apart (not broken up; Evoni was away visiting family) and we realized just how much we missed each other and didn’t want to be apart again.

Ian and Evoni Hochstrasser’s engagement photo

Do you have any children?

We have two children (4 years & 4 months-both girls).

Where did you meet?

We met at a church activity (game night).

What do you like best about your mate?

Evoni: What I like best about my husband is he lets me be me and doesn’t try to change who I am (I’m kinda quirky) but tries to uplift me. He reminds me constantly how much he loves me and how beautiful I am to him (inside and out)!

Ian: What I like best about my wife is she the perfect combination of smart, funny and beautiful.

What advice would you give to others who want to date interracially?

Just love each other and ignore the naysayers (and yes there are still naysayers). Also, never stop laughing together–find the funny in every situation! (Ian and Evoni had the same advice).

An additional question, if you don’t mind: What made your husband approach you as a potential date, and how did he go about it? Was he shy and you let him know you were interested – or was he bold?

Evoni: Initially, we were just instant friends – we enjoyed a lot of the same things and found ourselves spending all our extra time with one another. One night he kissed me (pretty bold for him considering how shy he is!) and the rest is history.

Before the kiss he had said things about how much I meant to him. We had gotten really close fast-he was my best friend.

Ian and Evoni Hochstrasser met at church

So, how do you find a wife or a husband at church – even when people say you can’t?

Ian and Evoni already told you: “Ignore the naysayers!”

Till next time, Keep Swirling.

Join in the Fray: Do you believe church is a good place to meet a mate? Why or why not?

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox at The Swirl World on Facebook or send an email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

“I Prayed For A Wife – And God Answered My Prayer!”

February 19, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 6 Comments

“I don’t discuss politics or religion” is a common saying and practice observed by many.

Unfortunately, these two subjects tend to be very polarizing for a vast majority of people.

Christians are often jeered at and ridiculed when they state they are “praying and asking God for a mate.”

In particular, Black Women are derided and called “passive,” “sheeple” and even “brainwashed” when they state they are “believing God” for a mate.

While we certainly believe everyone should be an active participant in his/her life and not sit idly by expecting the Lord to drop a husband or wife in their lap, we applaud people of faith who make God an integral part of their marital quest.

We especially appreciate the fact that in this story of “Ordinary People . . . Extraordinary Love,” the man shares the details of how he prayed for a wife.

Frank and Sandra built their relationship – and their marriage – on prayer

Regardless of your religious persuasion (or lack thereof), today we share the story of Frank and Sandra “San” Robinson, a couple who are not ashamed to say that they prayed and asked God for a mate, and believe their marriage is the direct result of answers to faith-filled prayers.

Frank and San Robinson - 2013

An interesting side note: Frank is the author of Letters To a Mixed Race Son (available on Amazon).

He and his wife San were kind enough to respond to our interview questions and share their sweet story:

Where do you live?

In California.

How long have you been together?

We will be together 30 years in May.

Do you have any children or grandchildren?

Yes, we do. We have 4 children; 2 boys and 2 girls. Three of our children are in their 20s and one is still a teen.
We have one granddaughter. Ember is 2 years old. Ember has a younger (we think) brother on the way.

Update: Since the interview, we asked Frank if Ember’s little brother had arrived. He tells us: Oh yes, 2 weeks ago yesterday (February 17). We just got back from going to meet Coda Zecheriah Robinson. He is beautiful, calm and very alert.

Coda Zecheriah Robinson

Frank with his two grandchildren, Ember and Coda

How did you meet?
Frank says:

I had sincerely decided to become a Christian at age 20 and I spent almost all of my 20s single. I studied, worked and had gone into ministry. When I prayed for a wife I asked for someone who loved God first and would love me second. I waited for years alone.

We met when I went to Alabama to minister at a church there. The pastor asked me to come back and work with him. When I returned, I got to see San as she would go to prayer before she went to work and on her lunch break. So I got to talk with her and started to find out what a humble, lovely and sincere person she is.

One day, like people say, the Lord said, “That is your wife.” As a minister, with much to be considered, I prayed about this because I did not want to make a mistake.

In one of the places where we had an outreach, a man who was involved in an interracial relationship had been decapitated, mutilated and hanged. There were other atrocities merely in the reputation of the South.

Then also, as a minister, I didn’t want to make a wrong move, too much was at stake. I was almost 30 and didn’t want to damage my ministry, or get a reputation as a womanizer, so I prayed, prayed and prayed.

Two different times I asked San if I could ask a question. But I did not know what to say, had to go pray some more. One morning I was painting the church when we spoke before she left. What I did not know was that she had just prayed, “Let something happen today, or take this out of my heart.” I had absolutely no clue.

This was now the third time I asked if I could ask a question. There was a long pause. Finally I asked, “Do you like me?” She responded, “Whoa!” Not knowing what “Whoa!” meant, I thought maybe I was in trouble. So I began to tell San what the Lord put in my heart. She began to tell me about how the Lord had been dealing with her. It was so clear to us that it was more of a question of; When shall we do this? I never had to ask San to marry me, and she did not ask me.

Frank and Sandra Robinson on their wedding day.

How did family members respond?

“If anyone in this family marries someone who’s black, it’s going to be YOU. And I don’t want to be babysitting any kids who are going to call me ‘Momma.’”

So my relative told me. But maybe 8 or 9 years later, I married San, so it turns out she was right.

We have been married almost 30 years. She never, ever had to babysit any of them at any time. When one of my kids was small, he’d see her and start screaming. Loudly. She thought we taught him to do that. But no, he did that all on his own. We are always nice to her, and over the years, she may have come around some.

Frank and Sandra almost 30 years later.

On the other side, San’s father did not come to our wedding, but it was not long before he warmed up to me. I think he thinks I’m all right.

Of course some, even with all the kindness and time they are given, will not change. But others come around; their paradigms and prejudices are challenged, they figure out some things in themselves and they change and grow.

Frank and San Robinson - Girls

What do you like most about your mate?

Frank: I love that San is who she says she is, unpretentious, humble. San is real. She has a great sense of humor and good mother sense. She has always been in my corner, supportive, willing to go through good times and hard times. She’s a great wife and a great mother; a beautiful, gentle and kind person. I hit the jackpot!

May I add something I should have said that I like about San? She has these beautiful, gentle, kind, huge doe eyes. She cast those beautiful eyes on me and I think I was done.

Sandra: How protective Frank is of our family, and how after almost 30 years of marriage, he still finds me beautiful.

What advice would you give to others?

San’s advice:
Find someone who loves God first and loves you second.

Frank’s advice:
Time changes all of us, physical features change, and circumstances change. But the right person will always honor, love you and be faithful to the end. That person is absolutely worth the wait.

Frank and San Robinson - Family Photo

And all the praying people say, “Amen!”

Till next time, Keep Swirling.

Join in the Fray: Are you praying for a mate? Why or why not?

All rights reserved. All work is the copyright of the respective owner, otherwise copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, Dallas, TX, USA. Photos used with permission. Post may contain affiliate links.

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Will You Be Their Valentine? Meet Brandon And Brooklynn!

February 14, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 13 Comments

Here in The Swirl World we’ve been fortunate to have a number of men reach out to us. We receive nice emails and in boxes on our Facebook page from “Rainbeaus” and “Other Brothers” who kindly share their appreciation for our page and for lovely Black Women.

Navy man Brandon Welch, a divorced Dad who’s raising his little girl, is one of those gentlemen.

The Back Story

We first heard from Brandon in November 2012 when he shared a photo of him and his little daughter Brooklynn.

Now, Brooklynn is the bees-knees and puts the “A” in ADORABLE and the “C” in CUTENESS, and needless to say everyone fell in love with her at first sight.

(Her Dad is pretty gorgeous too, we might add. Just sayin’.)

Pictures of Brandon and Brooklynn quickly went viral on our Facebook page and other Swirl pages, and they became recurring favorites.

We’re so happy that Brandon, who gets deployed from time to time, checks in with us when he’s in port.

He’s extremely patient and very kindly answers our numerous questions.

He’s also a good sport, because he agreed to let us profile him on the blog and on our Facebook page – just in time for Valentine’s Day!

Some Info On Brandon:

Age: 24

Height: 6’1”

Military Branch: Navy

Marital status: Divorced

Brooklynn’s age: 2

Brandon’s parents take care of Brooklynn when he is away.

November 2013 Update

When we heard back from him in late November 2013, he said,

“I have been busy for the most part. We went on deployment a couple of months ago and I’m still not home as of yet. I’m still single and live in Florida. Brooklynn (my daughter) is two now and has been getting spoiled by her grandparents since I have been gone. Not too much has changed for me besides seeing the other side of the world, but it was definitely one for the books. Hope all is well!”

Brandon sent us these photographs of his return and reunion with his daughter. They rank as some of the most popular we’ve ever shared!

Oh, The Cuteness and The Sweetness!

January 2014 Update

In January we asked Brandon to give us an update. He said:

“My past year has been full of ups and downs. Getting adjusted to raising my daughter with the help of my parents was something I had to get used to. Brooklynn stayed with them while I was on deployment, and I knew she would be taken care of without worry.

In 2014 I’m planning on spending mostly with Brooklynn since most of 2013 was spent with me being away. I missed seeing her personality and mind develop while I was gone. She’s very opinionated and working on becoming independent even though I tell her she’s not allowed to grow up anymore. Lol!”

Movie Night with Brandon & Brooklynn

Valentine’s Day Update

I’m still single. I would like to date; I’ve always wanted a family . . . .

So this year I definitely want to keep my daughter close and possibly find someone to start a relationship with. Brooklynn is my heart and the only thing I am scared of in this world is something happening to her. She’s my angel . . . .”

Stop The Presses!

Ladies, not only is Brandon single – he’s ready to start dating!

Woot Woot!

Of course, you have to know that we stepped up and told Brandon that we’d be happy to help him with his search because, well, we’re just good like that.

Cough, cough.

And of course, you have to know that we’re going to be his big sisters and try to screen the women who show an interest because, well, we’re just super protective like that.

Just sayin’.

We’re excited at the prospect of Brandon finding love and we’re going to do whatever we can to assist him in any way.

Which leads us to . . . .

A Big Announcement!

Remember we told you that we were going to start pod-casting? Well, Brandon has agreed to join us on the podcast!

He’ll be giving us updates on ~~Brooklynn raising him~~ raising Brooklynn, military life and life as a Swirler who is trying to find love.

Woot to the woot, woot, WOOT!

We haven’t hammered out all the details and logistics, so stay tuned.

If you haven’t subscribed to the blog, make sure you do so you don’t miss any updates or announcements concerning the start of the podcast.

*Whispering . . . Just so you know, Brandon has a deep, baritone voice . . . .*

Join in the Fray: So, will you be Brandon – and Brooklynn’s – Valentine?

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

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