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How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?

April 16, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

We’ve all seen it: Pictures of a storybook wedding complete with a dreamy guy and girl whose story seems to come straight out of a fairy tale.

Even though in our little girl hearts many of us would love to be that girl in the photos, if we’re honest life experiences have taught our “big girl” hearts that sometimes the road to love is not characterized by a smoothly sailing ship – no, sometimes the road to love is filled with bumps and bruises – real ones.

Mrs. Jamaica Miller, wife of Brad Miller reached out to us on our Facebook page. She shared her storybook photos – and was also very honest and transparent in telling the not so pretty story that preceded it.

Over the next few posts we’ll share Jamaica’s story with you as she shared it with us.

Where do you live?

Fort Polk, Louisiana

How long you have been married?

Six amazing months!

What are the names and ages of your children and/or grandchildren?

We have the most beautiful little girl! Her name is Raionna. She’s 9, and she’s from a past relationship.

For my daughter, this is all she ever wanted and even for myself as a mother living the “single mom” life. My husband instantly took to her and asked me if he could adopt her. As a mother I couldn’t want anything more but for my daughter to have two parents who love her. I asked for her approval and said, “Do you want Brad to be your father?” She said, “YES!”

If you were to ask my husband today what he lives for, his reply would be to be an amazing father to provide all the things he never had, and the most admirable one of all, to serve his country. He’s the most dedicated soldier I know!!! We’re currently “ttc” (trying to conceive).

How/where did you meet?

Are you ready? This is so funny. So by 2009 I had moved away from Kentucky, which is my childhood home. Now to Colorado Springs, CO – in this time frame my now husband had joined the army and arrived to his first duty station in Kentucky. We didn’t cross paths at all. This is just a little history so you can understand better.

I was previously married, and I was in an abusive marriage. I married a man when all the signs were pointing not too. You see, I grew up with the image “this is love.” Ugh! I’m all teary-eyed! Lol.

So, I’d arrived in Colorado with the drive, and the thought, “This (my previous marriage) will work. God is with me; He can change this man.”

Oh boy was I wrong! I was thinking, ‘New place; new people.’ Nope! My ex-husband had women lined up to meet – I never saw a phone bill so long. Try not to cry as I continue, but I know my testimony will change lives.

So that first year my life was hell. Picture that little girl at the door begging her Daddy not to go. That was me – that wife begging her husband not to go, knowing he’s running to another woman – and with a push and a punch for me to stay put.

Long story short, after six months in he left me for another woman, with no food, no money, not knowing where to start. Calls from other women – their pregnant calls asking me who I was, as if I was the other woman and was not his wife; like I’m just his crazy baby mom, etc.

You can only imagine how many times the police were called, how many bruises I had hiding under my clothes.

I cried, I cried; I prayed and I cried. The more I cried, the more he left and the closer me and God got. I was on my knees praying, “Lord, I know, I know this isn’t what You have planned for me. That little girl in the other room – I need to get up for her.

I prayed, “Lord, what is Your purpose for me? I know it’s greater than my own understanding. Lord, please find me a church home so I can start on this walk with you.”

Fast forward two years. Same troubles; same tears. I sit on the porch and I see a woman crossing the street toward me. I said in my head, “Please don’t!” She approaches and says, “Hi! My name is Kenyatta. I make jewelry; you should come check it out.”

Me, though I’m a shy soul, I said yes. Her home was so welcoming! She continued to tell me about her wonderful church, which was Open Bible Baptist Church. From that day forward I attended church and car-pooled with her.

My husband only came home for clothes. Days went by with the sun coming up and I still hadn’t seen him. It seemed the closer to God I got, the further he was into the world.

A year later I gave my life to The Lord I was saved and baptized. I separated and filed for divorce after my husband’s last attack landed me in the hospital with a hand cast because I was fighting for dear life trying to get away.

I enrolled in school to become a pharmacy tech, left high and dry and started living on my own. I landed a job in a pharmacy through my church two months into school. My life began to blossom and I couldn’t be more happy. My birthday was February 15 birthday is here and 24 never felt so good.

Two days later I received a Facebook message – yes, FACEBOOK. Guess who it was?

————–

Stay tuned for Part II of “How Do You Mend A Broken Heart!”

Join In The Fray: Do you believe love comes in neat little packages? Why or why not?

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Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 2

August 13, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

So yesterday I mentioned blogger and author Jeff Goins over at Goins Writer issued a “Slow Down” Challenge.

This is Day 2 of the Challenge. Today’s challenge from Jeff:

Challenge: Savor

Take your time with food today. If you’re the one who cooks in your home, spend more than the minimum amount of time preparing the meal. Slowly cut and cook each ingredient, imagining what they will taste like when blended.

When you eat, chew slowly. Make each bite intentional and deliberate, counting to at least 20 before swallowing. As you do, remember to appreciate and enjoy all the flavors in the food. And above all, remember to smile between bites.

Why This Worked Especially Well For Me

Many of you know that I’ve been doing a “Vegetarian ‘Till 6:00,” which is an adaptation of Mark Bittman’s Vegan Before 6:00. I’d already been trying to make sure I slowed down to eat, taking tiny bites so I could enjoy the flavors of the increased number of fruits and vegetables I’ve been eating.

Yesterday I enjoyed a “Meatless Monday,” and today was no different when I went home for lunch. I didn’t have anything fancy; just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (I’ve gotten in the habit of eating one almost every day; usually for breakfast).

I deeply inhaled the smell of the peanuts and marvelled at how sweet the jelly smelled. I cut my sandwich on the diagonal, the way I always do. I enjoyed the sensation of the peanut butter sticking to the roof of my mouth – just like I used to do when I was a kid.

I’m reading Six Days by Harlen Coben, and when I “read for lunch” I normally multitask and read while I eat. Today, however, I didn’t pick up my book until after I’d finished eating – and even then, I sat still and just enjoyed the silence for five minutes before starting to read.

Several people came across my consciousness as I sat there in the silence; some experiencing different forms of bereavement, others who anticipated new ventures; my two brothers who have birthdays this month.

I said a prayer for each of them, and asked God to meet them at the point of their need. I experienced a quiet, peaceful lunch and was ready to go back and face the remainder of my work day.

Even now, I sit in quiet contemplation as I type this. I’m savoring a piece of colby-jack cheese that I placed on a saucer of a set of dishes that my Mother gave me when I moved here.

I’ll admit it: The dishes are not even remotely my taste. Yet they make me smile every time I use them, if for no other reason than the fact that they are so like my Mother and so unlike me – and I’m good with that.

I smile, and think about my wonderful, dear Mother.

I savor not only the cheese, but the moment.

Join in the Fray: What moments are you “savoring?”

I’m blogging every day this week in Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

When Failure Becomes the Sweetest Success

April 16, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 4 Comments

The saying “Everybody loves a winner” probably couldn’t be more true when we are speaking of ourselves. Sure, winning and being successful is more important to some of us than others, yet I don’t believe anyone just enjoys losing or failing.

With that being said, tonight I learned how failure can turn into a sweet success.

Those of you who are my Facebook friends may remember that a few months or so ago (I checked; it was actually October 28, 2012. Wow, how time flies! o_O) my Dad attempted to make praline candy in the microwave. I got sucked into trying to “help” him, and three times in one night, this was the result:

Whelp, when I came in tonight, Daddy was at it again. This time, he was making candy the old-fashioned way – on top of the stove in a cast iron skillet.

He was just a’ stirrin’ and a’ stirrin’, and of course I got sucked in again and joined him. Daddy couldn’t find the new recipe he was using, and he had put in his ingredients from memory. Even though he and I have seen homemade candy being made a least a jillion times, neither of us could remember what to do next.

We had a good time trying to think of all the steps; laughing and cracking jokes about how my ~~cheap~~ Aunt Mary took shortcuts ~~and her candy always came out too thin~~, thinking fondly of the fact that my S-I-L infused her candy with peanut butter (delicious!) and how when I was growing up I loved the bowl and spoon almost more than the candy ~~and would have to beat back my two brothers in order to get it~~.

I did remember that at some point in the process you’re supposed to drop some of the candy “juice” in cold water; if it formed a ball, then the candy was ready to spread.

Ahem.

What I didn’t remember is that you do that when the pecans are already in the hot candy mix, because you have a very small window of time in which to spread the pralines before the candy starts seizing (learned that term from the show Chopped).

Cough.

What we would up with was this:

Candied pecans!

If I say so myself, they are delicious. Even though we didn’t get the “pralines” we were after, Daddy and I had a wonderful time in the kitchen. I spread out the parchment paper and brushed it with butter, and took the skillet from him when I saw it was getting too heavy for him to hold.

We’d done a lot of laughing and talking, and when the time came to spread the candy, we worked wordlessly, but with a rhythm that was instinctive.

The more time I spend with my Dad, the more I’m learning how very much I have his temperament and outlook. We didn’t view our candied-pecans-not-pralines as a failure – no, quite the contrary!

I deliberately left some in the skillet and went to work on scraping the pot and loudly licking the spoon; my Dad smacked his lips as he put the very warm candied pecans in his mouth.

It was a moment of sheer joy.

Daddy turned to me and said, “Well, we would have had the same result if they were whole and we broke them up, right?”

Being the Father’s Daughter that I am, I said gleefully, “You betcha!”

For Daddy and I, the glass is never half empty. He’s the eternal optimist, and I thankfully revel in this trait I received from him. Have I been hurt? Of course. Has life sometimes looked very bleak and dark, without a ray of sunshine in sight? You betcha!

The secret lies in learning how to properly view those events and circumstances that appear to be failures; to salvage whatever remains and use it to carry you to the victories that will eventually come. Understanding, ultimately, that failures serve to sweeten your success.

And you know what? Candy coated pecans taste just as good – if not better – than whole pralines!

Join in the Fray: When has your “failure” turned into sweet success?

I’m blogging every day in the month of April in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?

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Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 2

Challenge: Savor

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When Failure Becomes the Sweetest Success

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Challenge: Savor

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