The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


How Do You Mend A Broken Heart? The Love Story Of Brad And Jamaica Miller – Part 2

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Jamaica and Brad Miller_Civilian clothesLast week we gave you Part 1 of the story of Brad and Jamaica Miller, an interracial couple who shared their photos with The Swirl World Facebook page.

We enjoy sharing beautiful photos of couples, yet we’re always aware there is a story behind the photo – what were the circumstances bringing this couple get together? Where did they meet? How did they manage to fall in love?

One thing about life and love: Sometimes it doesn’t come wrapped in a pretty package, all neatly tied with a bow.

Sometimes life is convoluted and conflicting, yet somehow it all seems to work out in the end.

Try to remain judgment free.

Jamaica continues: 

Who was on the line? My now-husband Brad trying get his Mack on!

He’d seen me at the mall and gotten my number from one of my friends. He proceeded to say, “Hey, didn’t I just see you at the mall?”

Not knowing who the man was, I replied, “No, I’m sure of it. There’s no way.”

He says, “Are you sure?”

When I said yes, he said, “You must have a twin as beautiful as you – she walked right past me in the mall!”

He sent me a friend request on Facebook and was honest about the fact that he was interested in me but my guard was up wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy high from all the hurt and pain I’d been through. I knew he was interested in more, but I told him that I was going through a divorce and could not move forward with anyone until and unless it was final.

Of course in the back of my head I wished I was completely free but I detached myself from Brad and told him we could never be anything more. Right after that, Brad was deployed to Korea.

During the midst of it all I prayed to God and asked, what is this??? Here’s this man who seems really nice and could be all a girl could ever want for a man and husband.

I said this can’t be your work because I’m still married and I know you forbid this behavior. I was seeing all of what Brad was and I prayed that my husband could be that type of man too.

So, even though I was confused as ever, I became even more determined to try to work things out with my husband. 

Three months pass by, and then I looked up and a more than a year had passed. In that time my marriage hadn’t gotten any better and my husband was still just going from woman to woman. I was still one foot out the door seeing no nope.

Orders come up that my husband is getting stationed back in Kentucky. I was sad to leave my church home, friends and my sisters. I wanted to stay right there, which I could have done, but my heart I believed God was saying, “Go; just trust me.”

It was then early December 2012, and we were back on the road to Kentucky. We stopped off to visit family in South Carolina.

On December 25 I was in bed crying about how unhappy I was. All I wanted was for my husband to love me – this was the story of my life. It was Christmas and all he had done was leave me behind at the house – again.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door. Someone rushed in to tell us my husband had been in a car accident. My heart was racing with mixed feelings – Lord . . . ?

We get to the scene and it was a sight to see: I had been crying about my husband leaving me at home, but if he’d taken me with him, that would’ve been me in the passenger seat – lifeless.

His best friend died on impact. My husband, who was driving, had broken ribs and head trauma. His cousin, who was in the back seat on the right side, had his face cut open.

We were now stuck in South Carolina and traveling back and forth to Fort Jackson. I’m praying, Lord why??? What are you telling me??? All I could hear was “Just trust me.” I instantly thought, ‘Till death do us part,’ and soldiered on.

I nursed my husband back to health, listening to his many cries to the doctors of “Where’s my wife? I need her here!” He was in ICU and the times were limited when I could visit.

One trying month passed. I thought the accident was a sign to keep working at my marriage, but nope. As soon as the doctor cleared him to take it slow and get back to living, he left me at his Mom’s house and took a flight back to Colorado to be with another woman – three days before my 26th birthday.

The texts and lies continued until finally a video of him in the act confirmed it all. I said, “Lord you told me to trust in you, but this can’t be it right?

March came and I couldn’t wait to get home to family. My sisters could tell something was wrong. They know Kentucky isn’t home for me. Even so, I kept saying I was fine.

April came and my husband was seeing yet another woman. I called my sisters in Christ and let them know nothing had changed; they reminded me of the Lord’s vision of marriage. I got what was to be my last phone call from one of my husband’s women and told that woman, “You can have him.” I filed for divorce again, and this time I meant it. 

Stay tuned for the final installment in Part 3.

 

Join In The Fray: Have you ever stayed too long in a dead-end relationship? What finally made you call it quits?

 Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to Profiles@TheSwirlWorld.com. 

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved. Photos used with permission.

“I Prayed For A Wife – And God Answered My Prayer!”

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“I don’t discuss politics or religion” is a common saying and practice observed by many.

Unfortunately, these two subjects tend to be very polarizing for a vast majority of people.

Christians are often jeered at and ridiculed when they state they are “praying and asking God for a mate.”

In particular, Black Women are derided and called “passive,” “sheeple” and even “brainwashed” when they state they are “believing God” for a mate.

While we certainly believe everyone should be an active participant in his/her life and not sit idly by expecting the Lord to drop a husband or wife in their lap, we applaud people of faith who make God an integral part of their marital quest.

We especially appreciate the fact that in this story of “Ordinary People . . . Extraordinary Love,” the man shares the details of how he prayed for a wife.

Frank and Sandra built their relationship - and their marriage - on prayer

Frank and Sandra built their relationship – and their marriage – on prayer

Regardless of your religious persuasion (or lack thereof), today we share the story of Frank and Sandra “San” Robinson, a couple who are not ashamed to say that they prayed and asked God for a mate, and believe their marriage is the direct result of answers to faith-filled prayers.

Frank and San Robinson - 2013

An interesting side note:  Frank is the author of Letters To a Mixed Race Son (available on Amazon).

Frank and San Robinson - Book Cover

He and his wife San were kind enough to respond to our interview questions and share their sweet story:

Where do you live?

In California.

How long have you been together?

We will be together 30 years in May.

Do you have any children or grandchildren?

Yes, we do. We have 4 children; 2 boys and 2 girls. Three of our children are in their 20s and one is still a teen.
We have one granddaughter. Ember is 2 years old. Ember has a younger (we think) brother on the way.

Update: Since the interview, we asked Frank if Ember’s little brother had arrived. He tells us: Oh yes, 2 weeks ago yesterday (February 17). We just got back from going to meet Coda Zecheriah Robinson. He is beautiful, calm and very alert.

Coda Zecheriah Robinson

Coda Zecheriah Robinson

 

Frank with his two grandchildren, Ember and Coda

Frank with his two grandchildren, Ember and Coda

How did you meet?
Frank says:

I had sincerely decided to become a Christian at age 20 and I spent almost all of my 20s single. I studied, worked and had gone into ministry. When I prayed for a wife I asked for someone who loved God first and would love me second. I waited for years alone.

We met when I went to Alabama to minister at a church there. The pastor asked me to come back and work with him. When I returned, I got to see San as she would go to prayer before she went to work and on her lunch break. So I got to talk with her and started to find out what a humble, lovely and sincere person she is.

One day, like people say, the Lord said, “That is your wife.” As a minister, with much to be considered, I prayed about this because I did not want to make a mistake.

In one of the places where we had an outreach, a man who was involved in an interracial relationship had been decapitated, mutilated and hanged. There were other atrocities merely in the reputation of the South.

Then also, as a minister, I didn’t want to make a wrong move, too much was at stake. I was almost 30 and didn’t want to damage my ministry, or get a reputation as a womanizer, so I prayed, prayed and prayed.

Two different times I asked San if I could ask a question. But I did not know what to say, had to go pray some more. One morning I was painting the church when we spoke before she left. What I did not know was that she had just prayed, “Let something happen today, or take this out of my heart.” I had absolutely no clue.

This was now the third time I asked if I could ask a question. There was a long pause. Finally I asked, “Do you like me?” She responded, “Whoa!” Not knowing what “Whoa!” meant, I thought maybe I was in trouble. So I began to tell San what the Lord put in my heart. She began to tell me about how the Lord had been dealing with her. It was so clear to us that it was more of a question of; When shall we do this? I never had to ask San to marry me, and she did not ask me.

Frank and Sandra Robinson on their wedding day.

Frank and Sandra Robinson on their wedding day.

How did family members respond?

“If anyone in this family marries someone who’s black, it’s going to be YOU. And I don’t want to be babysitting any kids who are going to call me ‘Momma.’”

So my relative told me. But maybe 8 or 9 years later, I married San, so it turns out she was right.

We have been married almost 30 years. She never, ever had to babysit any of them at any time. When one of my kids was small, he’d see her and start screaming. Loudly. She thought we taught him to do that. But no, he did that all on his own. We are always nice to her, and over the years, she may have come around some.

Frank and Sandra almost 30 years later.

Frank and Sandra almost 30 years later.

On the other side, San’s father did not come to our wedding, but it was not long before he warmed up to me. I think he thinks I’m all right.

Of course some, even with all the kindness and time they are given, will not change. But others come around; their paradigms and prejudices are challenged, they figure out some things in themselves and they change and grow.

Frank and San Robinson - Girls

What do you like most about your mate?

Frank:  I love that San is who she says she is, unpretentious, humble. San is real. She has a great sense of humor and good mother sense. She has always been in my corner, supportive, willing to go through good times and hard times. She’s a great wife and a great mother; a beautiful, gentle and kind person. I hit the jackpot!

May I add something I should have said that I like about San? She has these beautiful, gentle, kind, huge doe eyes. She cast those beautiful eyes on me and I think I was done.

Sandra: How protective Frank is of our family, and how after almost 30 years of marriage, he still finds me beautiful.

What advice would you give to others?

San’s advice: 
Find someone who loves God first and loves you second.

Frank’s advice:
Time changes all of us, physical features change, and circumstances change. But the right person will always honor, love you and be faithful to the end. That person is absolutely worth the wait.

Frank and San Robinson - Family Photo

And all the praying people say, “Amen!”

Till next time, Keep Swirling.

Join in the Fray: Are you praying for a mate? Why or why not?

All rights reserved. All work is the copyright of the respective owner, otherwise copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, Dallas, TX, USA. Photos used with permission. Post may contain affiliate links.

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

 

For This, I Am Thankful

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Though this saying is not an absolute (I believe things can “go good” and stay good), it still provides food for thought: 

If anything, I believe we should strive to enjoy and fully maximize the good times in our life. We need to practice the art of appreciation, and cultivate an “attitude of gratitude.”

Any old body can point out areas of lack and bemoan how certain things in their life should be “better.”  Yet, it takes wisdom – and a certain amount of maturity – to relish the goodness that already exists. We can’t go wrong if we continue to build from these good places.

Sure, at times my cares and problems seem to close in on me. Clouds of negativity overshadow me and try to obstruct my view. When those times come, I make it a point to tell myself that somewhere in the world, there’s a woman who would love to have my life.

Instead of focusing on what I believe is wrong, I remind myself of the important things that are right with my life.

For this, I am thankful:

  • A vibrant faith
  • Good health
  • A sound mind and strong intellect
  • Loving family
  • Great friends
  • A grounded sense of self
  • A promising new career

Escapism? No, not at all. Situations are to be handled, and problems are to be fixed. When I use that mindset, the “bad” things really don’t last forever.

Onward and up! 

I’m thankful for the ebb and flow.

Life is good.  

 

Join in the Fray: What are you thankful for? 

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

We Live We Love

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Mrs. Gloria Dean Garner Jones

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

                                     ~From We Live by SuperChick

Approximately six or seven weeks ago I cruised down the freeway to an early morning meeting. For once, traffic flowed smoothly and the ride was stress free. Suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, a scene flashed through my mind, that of the funeral of a classmate’s Father, a popular coach and activist in our community. In that split second, I was transposed back in time. We were standing for the recessional. I could see my friend Judith, affectionately known as Cookie, and her family sobbing on the front row. That day, tears fell freely from my eyes, those of our other classmates, and of the countless adults in attendance.

Coach Jones’ funeral is stamped indelibly in my mind because it marks the first time I recall gaining an understanding of death: Its finality and the sense of utter separation it inflicts. My own family was (and for the most part, still is) blessed with longevity on both sides. Sure, we’d experienced the deaths of a couple of loved ones, but up until that point the losses had occurred via unexpected accidents, when we were away living in some foreign country or in another state. In hindsight, I know those deaths touched and hurt my parents, yet I realize they failed to affect my brothers and me in the same way.

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

 

On this day, the visual of my friend and her grieving family suddenly seared into my consciousness. I was startled, and taken aback. I felt the grief as fresh as I did the day of the funeral, and my eyes clouded with tears. I immediately began to pray for Cookie, her Mother, and her brothers and sisters. Thoughts of my friend and her family came periodically throughout the rest of the day, and I paused to pray for them each time.

Later that evening, my cousin Janelle called to tell me that Mrs. Jones had suffered a massive stroke, and her status was grave. Would I pass the news on to my Mother and other family members to join in prayer?  I managed to finish the call, and this time I could no longer hold back the tears. I thought of my own Mother and Father, still alive and doing well. I remembered the fear and despair I’d experienced just last year when both of them were hospitalized – my Dad on two separate occasions. I tried to put myself in Cookie’s place and imagine my Mother laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life – and I just couldn’t. The thought was much too painful; I couldn’t breathe.

But with life we never know when we’re coming up to the end of the road
So what do we do then
With tragedy around the bend?

I prayed for Mrs. Jones that night; we all did. We prayed, and continued to pray for Mrs. Jones and her six children; our friends and classmates. It seemed for a few hopeful days that Mrs. Jones was going to cheat death, yet eventually her body was unable to resist the onslaught that had come against her.

Mrs. Jones’ home-going celebration was held today at 1:00 p.m.

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

 The service was beautiful; filled with dignity and quiet joy. Heads nodded in assent at recounting of Mrs. Jones’ religious, professional, and civic service. She was a woman who was filled with grace and marked by a quiet, yet loving demeanor. To know her was to indeed love and respect her.

Laughter ensued as her grandchildren shared some of their memories and lessons learned. We prayed quietly for their strength, and then sat in awe as two of Mrs. Jones’ granddaughters sang “His Eye is on the Sparrow,” her favorite hymn, and as her firstborn son, Rev. C. Terrell Jones, brought a stirring oration and gospel message.

In Psalm 90:10, the patriarch Moses declared, The length of our days is seventy years–or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. We celebrated my Dad’s birthday on the 21st; he has achieved the “fore-score” years that Moses spoke of. With each passing day, I reflect on the fact that so many of my friends no longer have their parents with them. I feel like I am cheating, somehow. Yet, I understand more, and more, and more, just how very blessed I am.

In that same Psalm 90, verse 12, Moses prays, Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. I pray this ancient prayer, and thank God for His divine providence, and His gift of life. I’m doing my best to make the most of it – how about you?

But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day
Is a gift somehow, someway
And get our heads up out of this darkness
And spark this new mindset and start on with life cuz it ain’t gone yet

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_whi9GmAO8

Join in the Fray: What are you doing to “number your days aright?”

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

A Man Like No Other

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The bestest Dad in the whole wide world!

There’s so much I can say about my Dad.

Yet, there’s nothing I can say without tearing up/breaking down/crying, so I think I’m going to try to be a big girl and keep this simple.

Happy Birthday to the bestest Daddy in the whole wide world. I could not have asked for anyone better for my Father, provider, and protector. A man who was unashamed about the fact that he loved his wife, two sons, baby girl, and his country. One who stressed the importance of maintaining a relationship and fellowship with God – one who took us to church instead of sending us. A man who made sure his wife was a stay-at-home-Mother to his children, and made sure his family always had a comfortable place to live, food, and clothing.

A man who stressed to his children the importance of reading, gaining knowledge, and becoming educated. A man who embraced diversity, yet instilled in us the understanding that we were never to allow anyone to intimidate us or make us feel less than.

A man who, aside from my late husband, was and always has been the biggest supporter of my dreams, goals, and aspirations – even the ones he didn’t personally agree with. No matter where I was or what I was doing, this is the man I could always count on to love me unconditionally – no matter what. 

A Dad who kept his promises, because “his word was his bond.”

Our birthdays are one day apart; mine is the 20th, and my Dad’s is the 21st. Since the time that I can remember being alive, my Dad has always told me that I was “The bestest birthday present” he had ever received. 

Not only did my Dad and I celebrate our birthdays, Thanksgiving is also “our” holiday. 

Happy Birthday to the bestest Daddy in the whole wide world. I love you and appreciate you more than you can ever know.

Thank you, dear Lord, for my Dad.

Join in the Fray: What makes your Dad “the bestest Dad in the whole wide world?” If you have children, what memories are you making for them?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

This = Love

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It’s in the eyes of the children

As they leave for the very first time

And it’s in the heart of a soldier

As he takes a bullet on the frontline . . .

Last week I had the privilege of driving my Dad to an appointment at the VA Medical Center in Alexandria, LA. The hospital is located a little less than 110 miles from my parents’ house, so this trek to the VA qualified as a mini road trip.

Traveling with my Dad is fun; he’s a sporadic talker so we enjoyed periods of comfortable silence and engaging conversations. This time our conversation on the way to Alexandria was spotty at best; I drove to the hospital in what amounted to a deluge yet made it there safely (all courtesy of my Dad’s back-seat driving ability, of course).

I knew we were headed to the VA hospital, yet I have to admit I was still taken aback by the sights and sounds that greeted me on our arrival: Military personnel, the vast majority of them male, in various states of mental and physical health. So many of the men were in wheelchairs or on crutches; I even spotted a blind soldier making his way down the hallway with his white cane, his wife’s hand resting gently on his arm.

Glancing at my Dad, I fought an overwhelming urge to break down and weep as he and I walked that narrow hallway. I’d already noticed last year that his steps were slower, and the stoop that seemed slight to me before we arrived at the facility was now glaringly obvious. I took some deep breaths to keep myself from tearing up, and instead elected to deliberately make eye-contact with each serviceman who glanced our way. I gave them a small nod of appreciation that silently said, “Thank you. I appreciate you.”

This is why we do it

This is worth the pain

This is why we fall down

And get back up again

This is where the heart lies

This is from above

Love is this, this is love . . . 

My Dad fought in two wars during the course of his Army career; the Korean Conflict and Vietnam. I’m ashamed to admit that it wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I genuinely recognized the magnitude of this, even though I knew that he had sustained service-related disabilities. The enormity of my Dad’s service finally hit me when a friend, whose father had also fought in Vietnam, described to me how his gregarious, jokester of a father went off to fight, only to return as another man; this one paranoid, drug-addicted, abusive, and suicidal. His father eventually took his life.

It’s in the soul of a city

What it does after it crumbles and burns

And it’s in the blood of a hero

To know where he goes he may never return 

The words to Love = This by The Script played constantly in my mind the entire day. I looked at those men and women; so many of them now in their senior years, broken and bruised, and all in the name of serving their country. I thought about the photos I’ve seen of the young version of my Dad, proud and stalwart in his crisp Army uniform, and tried to picture the same younger versions of the persons who shared the hallway and waiting room with him.    

My Dad, Columbus Matthews

Love is why we do it

Love is worth the pain

Love is why we fall down

And get back up again . . . 

I sat there, and when my Dad went in to see the doctor I silently thanked God for bringing him home those many years ago, alive and whole. I asked God to forgive me for my self-centeredness and ingratitude, my failure to recognize what a precious gift my Mother, brothers, and I were given in getting my Dad back. Just the thought of that gift moved me to ask Him to bless and strengthen the families of those who were not as fortunate as my family was. I prayed for my friend who had lost his father, and for other fatherless and motherless sons and daughters whose names I would never know. I prayed for the thousands of servicemen and women all around the globe, separated from their families yet willing to serve the country they love.  

Love is where the heart lies

Love is from above

Love is this, this is love . . .

 

Join in the fray:

What says “love” to you? What sacrifices have you made for love?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, All rights reserved.

Memorial Day

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Who can say for certain?
Maybe you’re still here . . .
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear . . . .

May 28 commemorates an important date in my life; it is the day my husband Edward died. He was a veteran, one who proudly served his country in the armed forces. He passed away on May 28, 2000; to think that 12 whole years have passed is simply incredible to me.

 Ours was a “May/December” romance and he was considerably older than me. His “December” to my “May” gave him quite an edge over me in both wisdom and experience.  He was a very pragmatic man and from time to time talked very candidly with me about the fact that he was sure he would proceed me in death. I never wanted to hear that, of course, yet as with many things we discussed, he was right.

 I especially recall on one occasion him telling me that he was sure I’d be remarried in a year or two; he honestly believed someone would snap me up. Ha! That’s one instance where his assessment was incorrect. I guess I can’t say he was totally wrong, though: I didn’t remarry in that time frame because I couldn’t; I just didn’t.  

Even so, as I take time to reflect on what these 12 years have dished out, in my head I imagine giving him an update on my life, and what I’d like him to know:

 I’d like Edward to know that not every year has been good to me. I’d want him to know that I have suffered crushing betrayals, and experienced pain that was so deep it was palpable. I endured days when it was hard to get out of bed, much less put one foot in front of the other. I’d want him to know that I faced two major surgeries and two biopsies, and thankfully both tests returned negative. I would want him to know that through those times I longed for and missed the days when his strong, stalwart presence was there for me to lean and rely on.  

 I’d want him to know that through it all, in the face of heartache and heartbreak and broken promises, God gifted me with a sense of resilience, and enabled me to cling to a mindset that utterly refused to give in to defeat. I’d want him to know that through it all, I’ve managed to hold my head high and face every challenge life threw my way. I’d want him to know that even though there were times that my knees buckled, by the grace of God I never bowed. 

  I’d also like him to know that in spite of it all, God remained faithful to me and saw me through every test and trial. I’d want him to know that every day wasn’t cloudy and stormy; much of these 12 years has been sunny and bright. I’d like him to know that I embarked on one career and I’m about to start another. I’ve earned a Master’s degree and now I am “All But Dissertation” on my PhD. I’d want him to know that the gift of teaching that HE was the first to see in me is opening new and exciting doors for me, and I’m using it in even greater measure to make a difference in people’s lives.

 I’d also want Edward to know that I’ve opened my mind and my life to dating interracially. I’ve embraced that fact that love can come in more than one “color.” I’d like to think that hearing me talk this way would make him chuckle; my boldness, open-mindedness, and willingness to try new things were all characteristics he loved about me and did his best to cultivate.

 I’d like to tell Edward that I’m pursuing my writing career with a vengeance, and that I haven’t laid aside the goals and dreams I once shared with him. I’d want him to know that a good part of who I now am is attributable to him; the lessons he taught me; the example he lived before me. I’d want him to know that I appreciate him for being the man that he was, and for being such an important part of my life. 

 Sweetheart, I honor you today. Thanks for being you!

 

 

Love Never Fails

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Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV)

The prayers, words of encouragement, and affirmations have been pouring in, and I just want to take a moment to say “Thank you!” I am in the throes of this difficult exam but I am determined to stay the course. Passing this exam is the last major hurdle before moving on into the steps for preparing and writing my dissertation – I’ve come too far and through too much to stop now!

I was just whispering a brief prayer of thanksgiving for the love I am blessed to have in my life, and then the song Tell Him by Colbie Caillat popped on in my iPod. This song was written by Lauryn Hill and for those of you who don’t know; it is a take on a passage in the Bible from 1 Corinthians 13, which is also known as “The Love Chapter.”

A portion of the passage is provided above, but here are some highlights from Lauryn’s song:

Let me be patient let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer I’ll envy it not
And endure what comes . . .

Now I may have faith to make mountains fall
But if I lack love then I am nothin’ at all
I can give away everything I possess
But am without love then I have no happiness
I know I’m imperfect
and not without sin
But now that I’m older all childish things end

I’ll never be jealous
And I won’t be too proud
Cause love is not boastful
And love is not loud

Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on Earth
But if I speak wrong then what is it worth?

To me, so much of what 1 Corinthians 13 says speaks to relationships.  Of course when we think of “relationship” we often think of our S/O, and it certainly applies. But this passage (and song) is so much broader than that – it speaks to our relationships with people: how we interact with them and how we treat them. This love thing is a two-way street, and everyone in the equation is tasked with the responsibility of making sure they love each other right. And you know what? That “rightness” means not focusing so much on what you do to me and how you love me, but how I love YOU.

Focusing on how I love you gives me the ability to first realize and recognize my imperfections, and that I need love and tolerance just as much as you do. Next, focusing on how I love you enables me to do what the passage says: Be patient, be kind; not boastful or proud. It helps me to not dishonor or mistreat someone – and if I am mistreated, to not keep a record of the wrong that has been done to me, but to forgive and let it go. It helps me to always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere.

In other words, it helps my love to never fail.

When SM and I made the big decision to date exclusively with the intent of marriage, we both had to take a long, hard look at the potential impact our relationship might project on our family and friends. Yes, the decision was ours to make, but we had to be realistic and decide if we cared enough to continue loving each other in spite of any obstacles we faced. I remember telling SM that the only person who could change the way I felt about him – was him. When I love, I love. Period. The end. (And yes, he made the same affirmation to me).

I believe if more couples approach their relationship armed with a “my love will never fail” mentality, they would be able to withstand any storm life sends their way.

[Sidebar: Ahhh . . . so much for my not engaging in any “heavy thinking!”]

*_*

Here are three versions of the song for you to enjoy!      

 

(Watch for a glimpse of Michelle-O in this one!)

 

 

Join in the fray:

Who/what is your “unfailing love?”