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The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


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What Do Australian Men Think Of Black Women And Beauty?

February 10, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 3 Comments

cropped black woman faceThis week’s question on Monday’s With Mike addresses the opinion of Australian men concerning the beauty of Black Women.

“Black Women are constantly bombarded with preset definitions of “beauty” and in many cases criticized for their looks by men of the same ethnicity. What makes a Black Woman attractive/appealing to you in particular, and to Australian men in general?”

Mike’s response:

It’s kind of hard to describe why you feel the attraction to a particular person or people, or describe why you have a type you prefer.

I guess for me it’s something I feel in the marrow of my bones, just an attraction I have always had. If you wanted to go into specifics I think it is likely to do with how whenever I see Black Women, it seems like there is an inner light radiating out of them. I see it come through their eyes and skin, and it’s just beautiful.

It’s also the way they hold themselves; their style and grace. Also, they know how to hold a great conversation I’ve found, and have some excellent perspectives on life different to my own – which is great as it helps me see things in a different light.

For Australian men I think those who want to date BW usually would feel similar; love a BW’s special style of beauty and grace, as well as the fact that you’re different, stand out, and are exotic and mysterious. Men love that, they love to follow and find out things about people from different places, especially Australians as we’re all stuck down here on this massive island with no way to get out except via boat or plane! If you come to us, we’re just that much happier!

Cheers!

MIKE M - THIS ONEGot a question for Mike? Send it to us via inbox on The Swirl World’s Facebook page or by email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Follow Mike on Twitter @500and50 and read his blog at 500and50.com, or message him on his 500and50 Facebook page.

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: Mondays With Mike, Uncategorized Tagged With: appeal, appealing, attractive, attractiveness, Australia, Australian men, beautiful, beauty, Black women, Black. White, dating, exotic, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, interracial romance, love, Marriage, mysterious, swirl, swirling, white

Opportunities For Interracial Dating In Australia!

January 6, 2014 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

big camera hides mans face

It’s 2014, and we’re back with more Mondays With Mike!

We’ve had some questions for Mike come in over the holiday. He’s back, refreshed and ready to tackle the mailbag.

Some ladies are willing to step out of their comfort zone and they’re not opposed to dating internationally.

A reader asks:

What’s the atmosphere like for interracial dating in your city?

Mike’s reply:

We’re very casual about relationships over here. We have a history of immigration from all over the world (my Father’s side is Croatian, and my Mother’s is Scots/Irish), so diversity is a given in all of our cities.

I actually think for all the bluster of the racist elements that seem to get a lot more airtime than they should, a lot of white men like to date women of different ethnicities. We’re all trapped down here on the world’s largest island, no matter where you drive you’re always going to be in Australia, so we love to travel and have new experiences. Lots of white guys I know date Asian women (which is no new thing), but it’s not Asian women exclusively. We love differences and are mostly open-minded.

To be honest I think most of the time you’re free to date who you like. If someone doesn’t like it, that’s their problem, and I am happy to go and tell those people to ‘get stuffed’ and go on my way.

If there was a divide I would have to say it’s likely between the native aboriginal people and white people. That’s more of a divide than dating someone who has emigrated here, due to our history of white settlement of Australia and the shameful way aboriginals have been treated, and continue to do so. It was more confrontational for people to find out I was dating a mixed ethnicity aboriginal girl from Perth than it was when I went out with a girl from Nigeria.

This is how I have known things here in Perth.

Cheers!

Mike

Next week: Mike shares his poetry. Learn how you can get him to write a poem just for you! 

Join in the Fray: Are you willing to travel for love? Why or why not? 

MIKE MIOCEVICH

 

Follow Mike on Twitter @500and50 and read his blog at 500and50.com, or message him on his 500and50 Facebook page.

Got questions for Mike? Send them to us via inbox on Facebook or email them to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

All rights reserved. Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, Dallas, TX, USA. 

 

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Filed Under: Mondays With Mike Tagged With: Australia, Black women, Black. White, comfort zone, dating, international, international dating, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, love, Mike, Mondays With Mike, Perth, poem, poetry, swirling

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

December 25, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 3 Comments

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Adrienne and I are on hiatus from the blog and The Swirl World on Facebook until January 6, 2014.

We’ll be back next year with more couples, more stories and more news from our pal Mike in Australia.

We have more foreign connections in the works – more gentlemen who will give us Swirling news from far-flung places including Scotland and New Zealand.

Expect a potpourri of posts designed to inspire, entertain, educate and inform you concerning all things Swirling.

Look for us in 2014 – we’re going to be bigger and better than ever!

Till next year, Swirl on.

Join in the Fray: What are you doing to get your Swirl on during the holidays?

All rights reserved. Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, Dallas, TX, USA.

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Announcements, Special Tagged With: Australia, Black women, Black. White, Christmas, dating, Facebook, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, love, Merry Christmas, Mondays With Mike, New Zeland, Scotland, swirling

Is A Baby In Mike’s Future??

December 9, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 4 Comments

big camera hides mans faceLast week we kicked off our Mondays With Mike series and introduced you to writer and blogger Michael Miocevich (My-oh-see-vitch), a native of Western Australia who is now our guide to Swirling in Australia.

(Mike also lends us his brain and lets us pick it at will).

In his first post Mike received three questions, one of which was to tell his idea of a fun date.

Whelp, Mike’s response generated this follow-up question from a fan on our Facebook page:

“I wonder how Mike feels about women with children?  Is that deal breaker? It seemed like his perfect date would be for a women with no children and free time to spend a whole day (not knocking it but I have two boys who come first). I just wonder if this isn’t even considered when looking for a mate . . .  Sorry I’m soap boxing :: steps down::”

This is quite a legitimate question, particularly because dating with children is a reality for millions of singles. I forwarded the question to Mike as fast as my little fingers could type it.

So, hmm . . . . Is a baby in Mike’s future?? What followed is Part 1 of his very thoughtful response:

CRYING BABY BOY 1

“This can be an interesting but also sometimes a hard topic to talk about. Some men can be rather apprehensive, as often while they can relate to the woman they are dating, they might feel a gulf between them and her children. This is more a psychological barrier than anything. The man doesn’t know exactly what role he should play, and also might worry about the notion that he might be seen as someone who is supplanting the child’s biological father. This can be rather conflicting, and I have seen marriages being broken up early due to the intervention of kids vs their parents new husband/wife. I have seen this both in relationships of divorced men and divorced women, so there is no finger of blame being pointed here. If this is noticed early on, with the children not getting along with the new partner, it really does need to be addressed as soon as possible.

Other times it can be the wrong thought for men that if they were to date a woman who has children from another relationship, that immediately they would be expected to provide for those children as well, when what they want is freedom and fun to develop a relationship with someone who is unattached or has no children. This is a rather selfish way to go through things in life, always wondering what people are trying to get from you. Often the women who these men could date and have children already are quite used to providing for their children, and aren’t expecting their new beau to walk in and be immediately put on the spot for financial help. It would be my hope that if a person did date and fall in love with someone who has children, that they would offer to help out as a gesture of love. It says he cares for you and your children, even though they aren’t his biologically. A man is going to have to face up to this eventually, so if he doesn’t think he can manage it, he’s better off not stringing someone along, thinking that he’ll eventually come around to it.

So where do I stand in all of this? I’m 38, so I am kind of on the fence in regards to starting a family with someone I meet. On the one hand I might have left it too long, as I’d like to be the kind of guy who spends times with his children and is active with them, rather than being too tired after working to do so, and leave them to be raised by the TV. On the other hand, who says that this should be the case? If I were to meet the right person, why couldn’t my life be structured to have a decent job, but time available to spend with my wife and children? These are questions that can really only be properly sorted out once I have met that special person who is right for me. It’s got to be a joint decision. Trying to plan out things exactly how you want them to happen is an exercise in futility. Better to have broad plans that move you forward and are able to accommodate any curve balls thrown your way.

As for dating women who already have children, I don’t see why not! If we are lucky enough to make a connection with someone who excites us, challenges us, is great to be with and who you don’t know if you could be without, I don’t see why them having children would be such a barrier to having a relationship with them. The above preconception is something a lot of people automatically make as they have no experience of such situations. I would be prone to them myself as I have only dated women who were previously single and without children. To be honest perhaps I was too limited in my view of what a fun date would be because of it. Another limitation is that my place isn’t that huge, so dating a woman who has children and is looking to emigrate to Australia might be a touch difficult as I don’t have a lot of space for more than one other person. This is likely to be something which changes in the future, but at the moment it is likely to be a factor. However, as with all things, any problems will have a solution.

In which case a date with a women who has children might involve a day at the museum (the American Museum of Natural History is absolutely fantastic and I could have spent days there when I was in NYC) or a visit to a park for a picnic. If we go to a park I am going to have to pack a cricket bat and ball so we can have a hit before lunch (yes, I am going to hold on to my Australian sporting identity darnit!). A nice lunch and a walk around the park while the kids go roughhousing nearby. Pack it all up and head to the movies (at a cinema or at home) for something light-hearted and pants-wettingly funny, or even do so at home on the couch. If I have been dating the woman for some time, then reading the kids a story before bedtime, or even make up one of my own for them would be really cool. Then the rest of the evening can be spent talking and being together on the couch, conversations of everything and nothing, and sweet kisses before parting.”

Stay tuned for Part 2, where Mike gives us insight into what a man thinks when he considers dating a woman with children.

MIKE MIOCEVICHGot questions for Mike? Send them to us via inbox on Facebook or email them to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Follow Mike on Twitter @500and50, read his blog at 500and50.com, or message him on Facebook.

Join in the Fray: What are your thoughts on dating someone with children?

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: Mondays With Mike, Special Tagged With: Australia, babies, baby, Black women, Black. White, Blog, blogger, child, children, dating, deal breaker, Facebook, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, love, Michael, Michael Miocevich, Mondays With Mike, swirling, Western Australia, white

How Do You Define The Reality Of Love?

December 4, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

If you were asked to describe “The Reality Of Love,” what would be your response?

This week’s couple, Valentai and Justin Cook reflect the reality of love – but not for the reason you might expect.

I’m especially excited about this installment of “Ordinary People – Extraordinary Love” for several reasons.

First, Valentai and Justin Cook are a military family (Justin is a Marine). Valentai is Black and Justin is Irish-German.

Needless to say, we at The Swirl World love and appreciate our men and women in uniform. Not only that, as a former Army brat I know what military life is like and I’m acutely aware of the sacrifices required of every member of the family. Kudos to all who serve their country!

Second, Justin and Valentai are together because her brother (1) loved her, (2) wanted to see her happy and (3) was open-minded enough to realize that love comes in more than one color.

That’s right: Valentai’s brother brought them together.

The Cook’s Sweet Story 

Valentai says:

“We live on Camp Pendleton in California. We’ve been together for 2 1/2 years. We have two children, both boys. Their ages are 7-years old (Albert) and 2-months old (Dylan). 

Valentai Cook 1

We met through my brother who is also in the Marines. 

I knew I was in love with Justin when I saw how wonderful he was with my son. I knew he’d make an amazing husband and father. 

What I like most about him is his kindness and determination to always make the best out of whatever life throws us.” 

Valentai’s Advice

“My advice I would give to anyone in or seeking an interracial relationship would be to know what you want 100% and don’t let anyone tell you they you don’t deserve happiness. People will always be judgmental, but as long as you and that special someone are happy, then nothing can break that love. “

The Reality Of Love

When someone – be it family member, friend, neighbor, coworker, whomever – genuinely loves you, he or she will want the best for you.

They won’t begrudge your happiness – and they won’t try to dictate it, either.

Valentai’s brother recognized that Justin, his fellow Marine was a quality man.

So much so, he introduced him to his sister.

There was no haterade flowing or blocking going on – just a loving brother who wanted to see his sister happy.

The reality of love is that it always seeks the good of its object – no matter what.

Does this depiction of love reflect your reality? If not, what are you going to do about it?

NOTE: Valentai informed me that Justin just left for deployment, so let’s be sure to send lots of prayers and love to the Cook family. We look forward to hearing more from this couple and wish them and their sons all the best.

2-month old Dylan Cook

2-month old Dylan Cook

 

Join in the Fray: How’s your “love” life?

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved. Photos used with permission.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: BW/WM, OPEL, Series Tagged With: Army, Army brat, Black women, Black. White, brother, brothers, couples, extraordinary love, Family, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, love, Marine, military, military family, OPEL, ordinary people, reality, sons, swirl, swirling, white

Mondays (And Dates) With Mike

December 2, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 6 Comments

big camera hides mans faceLast Monday we enjoyed a veritable feast for the eyes with the “Men From Down Under” – Australian men who make our hearts skip a beat and send us ladies on mental trips to Fantasy Island.

We introduced you to our own Michael Miocevich (pronounced My-oh-see-vitch). Mike lives in Western Australia and cheerfully agreed to serve as our guide to Swirling in Australia.

(He also agreed to give us a first-hand view into the male mind. Think about it: Who better than a man to tell us how a man thinks??)

In addition to being an all-around good sport Mike is a writer and blogger. If you love delightful prose and poetry (yes, he writes poetry!) check out his blog here.

We put the call out for questions and started receiving immediate responses.

This week’s questions are from Chongo, one of our fans in The Swirl World on Facebook.

NOTE: Chongo’s questions (in red) and Mike’s responses (in blue) are unedited.

Hi TSW!

Happy Thanksgiving. 

My name’s Chongo (Chit) and I’ve been reading your blog and FB page for months (about a year). I’ve been interested in interracial dating & relationships since primary school when my first crush was a cute soft-spoken white boy called Michael. I like men of all races and nationalities and your page is a great space for eye candy, articles and normalising love across colour lines. So thank you for this amazing space – it is serious, fun and everything in between and outside.

 I read about your ‘Mondays with Mike’ from the blog and I’m sending in my questions.

Hello Mike, thanks for enabling this form of interaction. Here are my questions: 

1. Do your family and friends know about your attraction to black women? If affirmative, what was their reaction? Does their reaction (positive or negative) matter to you?

Pretty woman portrait

Hi Chongo, great to make your acquaintance!

Here are the answers to your questions; as good as I can make them.

1 – A few of my friends know, as I have told them, but my family I haven’t. This is not because I am afraid nor ashamed of liking who I like, it’s just that my parents and siblings made things incredibly awkward for me when I was growing up. Any hint of liking a girl meant that they couldn’t help but blurt it out to her while I was standing there, making me go bright red and both of us feel awkward. Another reason is that my siblings have had complicated relationships with the people they went out with (and married) over the years, and a lot of that drama that happened was played out in front of the family. I prefer to keep my relationships close to my heart. In the end it’s myself and the person I am with who matter, not the opinions of anyone else.

These days I think my relatives would likely say “about time!” if I showed up to a family gathering with a girl, and I very much doubt they would care what ethnicity she was. If they had a negative reaction I would be upset, because they wouldn’t be the people I thought they were. However, I don’t think this will be a problem. I’d also let my family know to mind their P’s and Q’s if I were to bring anyone along, regardless of where she was from. I am sure my siblings would give me those kind of knowing looks about the fact I had introduced someone to them, and possibly pull dumb faces and go ‘ooooo-oooh!” when I was near them, but I think they’d get over it  I suspect they’ve been waiting a long time to hassle me about such things and are going to take every opportunity to make me uncomfortable about having a girlfriend there as much as possible, but that’s the price the youngest in the family usually has to pay.

2. What’s your greatest curiosity about black women (bearing in mind we are not a monolith) or what is the one thing you are most curious about vis-a-vis black women? 

2 – An interesting question, and I hope my answer doesn’t come off as pandering or trite. I wonder why some men from different ethnic groups don’t appreciate black women for the wonderful jewels they are. I can’t fathom it myself. I’ve been talking to Michelle, and she has linked me to the song by the Doors called “Hello”, which Jim Morrison wrote after seeing an incredibly gorgeous black woman, but not having the confidence to talk to her. He says as much in the lines “Do you hope to make her see, you fool? Do you hope to pluck this dusky jewel?” I have lived far too long in that mindset, thinking that black women did not want anything to do with white guys (mostly misinformed by TV, movies and music I have to say), but broke the habit some time ago. I guess perhaps a lot of the guys have the same hang-ups I had, in as much as they think they’ll be rebuffed instantly. A lot of the time guys are shy in approaching anyone, but I do hope in the future men of all groups will take the chance and be accepted in return. I’d love to see more of that.

3. What is your idea of a fun date? 

3 – I’d love to spend an day in a place where lots of art and creativity is on display, with all kinds of artists showcasing their talents. Take brunch or lunch at a nice restaurant and discuss what has been seen, and the general small talk about anything which is so fun to have. In the afternoon watch a live band, take in a play or an enjoyable movie, or be content to wander amongst trees and nature in a park. As the sun goes down find a spot for a picnic and toast the last rays of the sun as they disappear over the horizon, and be graced with a wonderful display of colour with the sunset. At night a moonlit walk along the beach holding hands, combined with acting the fool in the low surf as it hits the shore, and a dreamy kiss under the stars. That would be a good day. A very good day.

 

And there you have it, folks – straight from the mouth of our man Mike in Australia. Special thanks to TSW fan Chonogo for submitting those questions.

MIKE MIOCEVICHGot questions for Mike? Send them to us via inbox on Facebook or email them to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Tune in next Monday for more Mondays With Mike!

You can follow Mike on Twitter @500and50 and read his blog at 500and50.com.

 

Join in the Fray: What do you think of Mike’s description of a “fun date?”

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: Mondays With Mike, Uncategorized Tagged With: 500and50, Australia, Australian, Australian men, Black women, Black. White, blogging, Chongo, dating, Facebook, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, interracial romance, love, Mike, Mondays, poetry, questions, swirling, United States, Western Australia, Writing

What Can Mixed-Race People Teach Us About Love?

November 20, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

 

Terra Ann and Ben 6So often when many people think of “interracial” couples, they think predominantly in terms of a combination of two races.

They think: Black and White, Asian and White, Latino and Black and any other combination of two you can think of.

An interracial pairing can be so much MORE than simply a combination of two races or ethnicities!

Today, we’re happy we get to highlight Benjamin and Terra Ann – two mixed-race people who, together compose a truly “Mixed Race” couple.

Terra Ann says, “A lot of people say “mixed” when they are only describing two races. And I, being true to myself, am really more than three-dimensional when it comes to having to check only “Caucasian” or “African American” in the boxes on a form. But I’m proud of my multi-racial ethnicity. It’s unique.”

Benjamin’s ethnicity is Scott-Irish, Cherokee Indian and German. Terra Ann’s Dad is African American, and her Mother is a combination of French, German, Black Dutch, Cherokee Indian and Irish.

How’s that for “Mixed??”

Terra Ann continues, “I may not have been around to see or speak with my great-great grandparents to know their history and stories. But it is shown through my blood. And that is great history that no one can take or make up.”

Benjamin and Terra Ann – two “Mixed Ordinary People Who Found Mixed Extraordinary Love!

Terra Ann and Ben

A Blended Family

We both live in Oklahoma. Ben is from Midwest City, Oklahoma and I grew up in Del City, Oklahoma. Both cities are literally 10 minutes apart, which makes it a little bizarre that we had never met until last October.

As of November 19th our relationship marks a year, even though at times it can seem longer. (I say that with a sweet smile.)

We both had children before we met. I have two full of energy and very sharp children; a daughter, Samera who is 6 and a son, Jre’Lyn who is 5 (his name is pronounced (Dre Lin).

Ben and Jre'Lyn at the couple's first family dinner at a restaurant

Ben and Jre’Lyn at the couple’s first family dinner at a restaurant

Ben has a very beautiful daughter that is the same age as my son. Both of my children adore Ben and he as well is in love with my children, and I love his daughter.

 Ben and Samera at a friend's pool party

Ben and Samera at a friend’s pool party

How They Met

Ben and I met at a local dance bar in Midwest City. A mutual friend we had at the time asked me to go and stand in on her behalf at a bachelor/ bachelorette party she was hosting for a couple she knew. She was running late, so she called and asked me to play hostess until she got there. I obviously agreed. I’m very glad I did!

When I first saw Ben, yes, I could see he was a very attractive man; very fit. He was also a very boisterous individual. At first, that is where it stopped. I didn’t think twice about him and me ever becoming a couple. Plus I had no idea he was interested in me. A couple of weeks later he told me he liked me and was very interested in me. He was also very honest concerning where he wanted the relationship to go. I liked him, too – so we soon made it official and became a couple.

Ben and Terra Ann at their first date as a couple

Ben and Terra Ann at their first date as a couple

Defining Moments

My defining moment I knew I was in love with Ben was after we’d been together for five months. As we dated, I realized we are completely different in almost every way – which to me was a good thing, because I may not have been able to stay with him if he was too much like me in personality.

Despite our many differences our morals, goals, family values and beliefs are the same. We were hit with obstacles almost every step of the way, but really it has only brought us closer together.

Ben says the defining moment he knew he was in love with me came when he knew I was here for him and would not give up on him. Or judge him. I’m one of his biggest fans.

"Ben says the defining moment he knew he was in love with me came when he knew I was here for him and would not give up on him. Or judge him. I'm one of his biggest fans."

“Ben says the defining moment he knew he was in love with me came when he knew I was here for him and would not give up on him. Or judge him. I’m one of his biggest fans.”

What We Like About Each Other

What I absolutely like about Ben is his blunt honesty. Maybe it’s due from his experience from being in the military.  If you ever want to have the most accurate and honest opinion of something, Ben would be your guy. He is so diverse in conversation that his being honest makes it so refreshing to me. Our conversations are entertaining nonetheless. Of course there are other likable characteristics about him; that’s just the number one thing for me.

Ben says what he likes most about me is I’m altruistic for anyone and anything.

Through The Good Times – And The Bad 

Ben and I have been through a great deal of hardship, trials and tribulations, since being together. There have been people that have tried to come between us. Tear us apart. And have been jealous of our relationship.

Even when odds were against us we have stuck it out. Even though it was getting repetitive and tiresome we always have seen the “great’ in the two of us. Believed in each other. And we always have great communication. We make sure we are both on the same page.

It helps when you have family that sees you’re happy, and supports your love as well. We both had different backgrounds growing up. And for some reason what the two of us share is an exponential love. No matter what comes our way. We both value the love.

"Ben and I at a favorite bar we used to go too. It's special because it was our first photo together."

“Ben and I at a favorite bar we used to go too. It’s special because it was our first photo together.”

What A Mixed Race Couple Can Teach Us About Love

So, what can a mixed race couple teach us about love?

In Terra Ann’s words, “Love will fight. Love holds on, despite your background and history.”

A mixed-race couple can teach us that regardless of the simplicity or complexity of the mix, love is always a beautiful thing.

They teach us that with the proliferation of Swirling, soon, many couples will look and be composed of multiple ethnicities – just like Ben and Terra Ann.

They teach us that you can’t advocate Swirling and then turn around and make disparaging remarks about the mixed offspring that is produced.

Mixed Race people teach us if you love to Swirl, you have to love the mix, too.

Benjamin and Terra Ann Archer . . . Ordinary People . . . . Extraordinary Love.

Swirl on.

 

Join in the Fray: What’s your family history?

All rights reserved. All work is the copyright of the respective owner, otherwise copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, Dallas, TX, USA. Photos used with permission.

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Filed Under: Mixed Race, OPEL Tagged With: African American, biracial, Black, Black Dutch, Black women, Black. White, Cherokee Indian, dating, Del City, French, German, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, interracial romance, Irish, love, Marriage, Midwest City, mixed, mixed race, monoracial, multi-racial, multiracial, Oklahoma, Scott-Irish, swirling

Why It’s Important To Make The Most Of EVERY Day

July 28, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

deadline

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12 NIV

If you’re a fan of the radio show Kidd Kraddick in the Morning, by now you’ve probably heard he passed away suddenly at a golf tournament in New Orleans yesterday.

KIDD KRADDICK NOTICE

To say I’m stunned is an understatement – I’m heartbroken.

I started listening to Kidd’s show at a very tender time in my life; about a year after my husband’s death. I was at a very low point for a number of reasons. I came across Kidd’s show when I was radio surfing one morning after a sleepless night. I laughed until I cried – good tears, not sorrowful ones. I’ve been hooked ever since.

Kidd’s sudden and untimely death is a sobering reminder of why it’s so important to make the most of EVERY day. No, every day is not going to be filled with sunshine and we don’t sleep on the proverbial bed of roses.

Yet, each day we’re presented with 24 glorious hours.

This is a time that we can maximize; use to our advantage. We can elect to be positive instead of negative; see and walk through the open doors instead of whining and complaining as we stand motionless in front of the ones we view as shut.

We can allow ourselves to become paralyzed with fear or drown in a sea of excuses. We can fritter our time away with laziness, engulfing ourselves in pointless, time-wasting pursuits that add little or no value to our lives (Candy Crush Saga, anyone? IJS).

It’s important to make the most of EVERY day because we don’t know how many we have.

I’m sure no one would have made Kidd Kraddick, his family or we his fans believe that his total number of days would fall less than a month shy of his 54th birthday, which would have been August 22. Yet, he’s gone – and his days are up.

Thankfully, Kidd elected to make good use of his time, energy and resources, and leaves behind a legacy that now speaks for him.

I’m more determined than ever to make the most of my days. How about you?

Join in the Fray: What are you doing to make the most of each day?

I’m blogging every day in the month of July in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, dating, death, diverse, dying, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Kidd Kraddick, love, morning show, NaBloPoMo, radio, sudden death, swirling, untimely death

Party Over Here!

June 15, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

keep-calm-and-party-on-6429

This is family reunion weekend on my Dad’s side. In between doing work on the dissertation and doing mental push ups in Firepole’s Business Ignition Bootcamp, I’m partying like a rock star and enjoying my family.

 

My Mother’s side of the family is very quiet and very conservative. My Dad’s side is  the exact opposite – very loud and very liberal. We even have a couple of BM/WW Swirl couples on that side. Woot! Woot!

I truly have the best of both worlds, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Join in the Fray: What are you doing this weekend?

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: Festivals and Events, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, bootcamp, dating, family reunion, Firepole Marketing, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Louisiana, love, party, weekend

Get Ready for HOT LATIN MEN!

May 10, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 5 Comments

Book Cover_Fight for Love

Last week’s guest post from Miranda Santiago on Swirling with Latin men struck a chord of interest that is still reverberating.

Because a lot of you want to know more about Swirling with Hot Latin Men – (and for Pete’s sake, who can blame you???) – this week I’m presenting yet another guest post, this time from best-selling author Delaney Diamond. Delaney specializes in romance novels featuring between Black women and – you guessed it:

Hot. Latin. Men.

Yum.

Delaney is kind enough to share Chapters 1 & 2 from Fight for Love, book 2 in her Hot Latin Men series. These are stand alone books, so it’s totally ok to read the second book first.

Here’s the premise for the novel:

A former pro wrestler fights to hold on to the woman he lost, but still loves, and the son he never knew existed.

 Science teacher Rebekah Jamison lives a quiet life in the suburbs of Atlanta. Devastated by a tabloid scandal nine years ago, she ended her marriage to the man her parents never approved of.

 Rafael Lopez, former professional wrestler and “Sexiest Athlete Alive,” regrets the lapse in judgment that caused him to lose his wife. He shows up unannounced one day with some startling news, but he gets a surprise of his own. He finds out he’s a father. To get to know his son, he whisks him and Rebekah off to his home in the Hollywood Hills for the summer.

Settle down for an intriguing read – and be sure to give Delaney a shout out in the comments!

 

Chapter One

Rebekah Jamison wiped sweat from her cheeks with the back of her forearm so she wouldn’t scratch her face with the rough, dirty gloves she wore. The edges of her headscarf were damp. The cut-off denim shorts and loose-fitting tank top had seen better days, but they were comfortable, and she preferred to wear as little clothing as possible when she worked in the yard. The vegetable garden was a treat, but it could also be quite taxing in the Georgia heat.

“Mom, look!” her eight-year-old called from a few feet away. He was grinning broadly, holding a worm in his palm for her to see.

“Sweetie, put that down,” Rebekah scolded from her position on her knees.

She had encouraged him to help her plant the fall vegetables, but he was turning out to be a distraction she didn’t need. Every so often he would wander away from the task, digging in the dirt where she didn’t tell him to dig and chasing after wasps and butterflies that flitted around the small, privacy-fenced yard.

She probably would have been farther along if he weren’t “working” with her, but she enjoyed their moments together. Nine months out of the year she taught middle school kids about conservation, alternative energy, and green living as a science teacher in metro Atlanta. The biggest perk of working for the school system was that she could spend the summers with the favorite man in her life.

Rebekah rose to her feet and dusted off her knee pads. “Maybe it’s time for a break,” she announced. She removed the large straw hat providing protection from the scorching sun.

“Can I have some sweet tea?” His brown face looked up at her expectantly. He was overdue for a haircut. The loose, dark curls on his head were thick and unruly. With his cute, angelic face and big gray eyes staring up at her, she couldn’t refuse him the indulgence this time.

“Yes, but only if you drink a glass of water right after.”

“I will, I will,” Ricardo promised, racing past her toward the back door of the kitchen.

She would make sure he drank water the rest of the day. He had developed a sweet tooth of late, and she wanted to break him from the habit of sugary drinks. Besides, he needed to stay hydrated since he spent so much time outdoors.

Rebekah removed her knee pads and gloves and circled the small area where this year’s crop of summer vegetables was planted. She smiled. Last year she’d had enough squash, tomatoes, cucumbers, and green peppers to share with her parents and a couple of neighbors. This year’s crop appeared just as healthy and bountiful.

The ringing of the doorbell brought her head up.

“I got it!”

“Ricky, don’t open the door unless you know who it is first.”

He knew better, but it didn’t hurt to remind him. She hoped it was the delivery she was expecting from her sister, Samirah. They were souvenirs for the family from her latest jaunt overseas. She often sent them nice gifts from her travels. Rebekah sometimes envied her younger sister’s carefree lifestyle. Samirah had a culinary degree from Le Cordon Bleu, and she traveled the world, earning her keep as a cook in restaurants or private residences.

“Mom, come quick!”

Rebekah dropped everything in her hands and raced into the kitchen, uncertain if Ricardo’s tone expressed excitement or anxiety.

He stood in front of the open front door, staring at someone outside. As she came closer, he caught sight of her and began to hop up and down excitedly, pointing with his hand to the still-invisible person on the other side of the threshold.

“Look! Look! It’s La Sombra, Mom! It’s La Sombra!” he screamed excitedly.

Rebekah skidded to a halt, her feet no longer sure what to do since her brain temporarily ceased to function. Heavy knots piled up in her stomach, and her broken breath shivered past her suddenly parched lips.

It couldn’t be him.

Ricardo’s face was alight with glee, and his uncontrolled excitement was a comical contrast to the heavy dread pressing down on her. She moved slowly toward the door, closing her hands into tight fists to calm their shaking.

When the person came into view, her stomach muscles clenched into even tighter, more painful knots.

There was no doubt who the man was at the door. It had been nine years since she’d last seen him in person, but his image appeared on the occasional magazine, and she’d read articles about him online. Even if he weren’t a public figure and she had wanted to forget him, it would have been impossible because of the pint-sized, darker version of him bouncing up and down like a rubber ball just a few feet away.

La Sombra had been the alias he used when he was a professional wrestler. The nickname, which meant “the Shadow” in Spanish, had stuck because of his dark complexion. His real name was Rafael Lopez, and he was her ex-husband.

His gaze lifted from the small boy before him and settled on her. From the firming of his sculpted mouth and the hard glint that came into his gray eyes, she knew he’d already deduced the obvious.

The young boy whose excited reception he had just received was the son he had never known existed.

Chapter Two

Rebekah placed her hand on Ricardo’s shoulder. “Ricky, go upstairs, sweetie,” she said. “I need to have a word with…” She didn’t even know what to call him “…with Mr. Sombra.”

“But Mom…”

She gave him her stern face that meant she wasn’t playing around. “Now.”

With a heavy pout, Ricardo stomped toward the staircase.

“Ricardo Lopez,” Rebekah said, “do you want me to follow you and give you something to stomp about?”

He froze with his hand on the wooden stair rail and peered over his shoulder at Rebekah with a hurt expression on his face. “Sorry, Mom,” he said quietly. Twisting his head further without turning completely around, he looked at Rafael, who hadn’t made a move during the short tantrum. “Please excuse my behavior, Mr. Sombra. My mother raised me better than that.”

Rebekah almost smiled as he repeated almost verbatim words she’d said to him on other occasions. His pitiful expression almost undid her, but she kept her face in an unhappy scowl.

“Will I be able to get his autograph?” her son asked.

“Yes,” Rafael interjected. He stepped into the house, and the expansive width of his broad frame blocked most of the outdoor light. “Just as soon as your mother and I have a little chat.”

Ricardo’s face broke out into a happy grin, and he scampered up the stairs.

Rebekah’s heart kick-started with a thump, the matter-of-fact tone doing nothing to allay the frisson of fear that trickled down her spine. Even more disconcerting was her reaction to the deep, seductive sound of his accented voice. It scrambled her brain and sent unwelcome vibrations running through her.

She didn’t dare look at him, worried he’d see every emotion she felt. Shame. Excitement. Anxiety. She needed time to gather her thoughts so she could have a coherent conversation. The shock of his unannounced arrival sharply tipped the balance of her normally ordered day toward disorder.

Deafening silence descended between them, and Rafael was the first to break it. “We need to talk.”

As he shut the door on the outside world, Rebekah finally ventured a look at him. His thick black hair was closely shorn to his head. At five-feet-seven, she wasn’t a small woman, but Rafael dwarfed her at six-foot-three. He had an incredible physique, with muscles so densely packed the linen button-down shirt couldn’t conceal them. His muscles were tightly honed from years of weight lifting and hours of exercise, creating a fighting machine of flesh-covered steel. Each meaty bicep was the size of one of her thighs, and his lean fingers looked long enough to span the width of a basketball.

“Sexiest Athlete Alive,” headlines had proclaimed two years in a row. More recently, his rugged good looks could be seen smiling into the camera endorsing agave nectar, an all-natural sweetener exported from Mexico.

When his dark gaze rested on her, the last remnants of rational thought disappeared like a puff of smoke in a blast of wind. For a few seconds, her breath caught in her chest, and she was once again the seventeen-year-old girl who had anxiously awaited her eighteenth birthday so she could run away and marry the man of her dreams. He became the twenty-year-old rough neck from south of the border who had captured her heart and convinced her not to judge a book by its cover. His coarse exterior had disguised a tender heart and loving disposition—or so she’d thought. Her disapproving parents had been correct in their initial assessment of him. Rafael had changed once they were married, and not for the better.

“What are you doing here?” Rebekah asked.

The cold stare of his eyes lanced through her. “Is that any way to greet a man you haven’t seen in almost ten years?”

Of course not. If her beating heart had anything to say about it, he would have received a much warmer greeting. “You came here unannounced, uninvited to my house. Something tells me this isn’t a social call.”

“I came because I had something I needed to tell you—in person,” he said. “I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I’m on my way to New York and decided to stop over in Atlanta to see you.”

“You could’ve called first, instead of popping up unannounced. As you pointed out, it has been almost ten years.”

His lips thinned in irritation. “For the record, once I tracked you down, I did call, but you don’t have voicemail, so I couldn’t leave a message. Since I couldn’t get in touch with you, I figured it was easier to show up.”

Rebekah could have kicked herself. She had ordered the VOIP phone service over a week ago, but since she was a technophobe, she had delayed setting up the voicemail.

“I have caller I.D. I never saw—”

“My number is private. You wouldn’t see anything.”

Rebekah swallowed. Since he’d seen Ricardo, she could understand his antagonism, but she had reasons of her own to feel antagonistic toward him. “What’s so important you had to tell me in person?”

“Are we going to have this conversation in the middle of your foyer? Is your southern hospitality only reserved for people you’re expecting?”

Without waiting for a response, he brushed past her toward the kitchen, and she caught a whiff of an unfamiliar cologne. She followed him on unsteady legs, conscious of the fact she looked as bad as he did good. While he was dressed comfortably in a fine linen shirt and crisply pressed dark slacks, she was self-conscious about her unattractive gardening attire and pink cotton headscarf. She wasn’t wearing a stitch of makeup, and she was certain she must smell sweaty after working in the yard.

In the kitchen, Rafael leaned against the counter, staring at her as she leaned against the counter across the room. His arms hung loosely at his sides, but she could sense the leashed tension in him.

“Well?” she said to break the uneasy silence.

She was never good at remaining quiet, and he was the complete opposite. He was the quintessential strong, silent type.

“Is he mine?”

She hadn’t expected him to ask that question first, but it was inevitable. “Yes.”

Rafael’s hands clenched into fists, and he pushed away from the counter and took two long strides toward her. Rebekah brought her hands up in a defensive motion, drawing in a sharp breath. His steps came to an abrupt halt.

“I wasn’t going to hit you,” he rasped.

“You’re not exactly known for your long fuse.” Her rapid heartbeat began to slow down.

“I would never hit a woman, no matter how much she infuriates me.” His cold, angry eyes stared into hers. “How could you do that?” he demanded in a rough voice. “How could you keep him a secret from me?”

Now came the hard part—the inadequate explanation she couldn’t even justify to herself. “I did try to contact you, but you were always traveling. It was impossible to get in touch with you.”

“You didn’t try hard enough.” He found her guilty and delivered a cutting indictment. His eyes were filled with accusation. He swiveled on his heel and stalked over to the door. He stared out the window at the backyard, his shoulders rigid and his neck muscles taut. “Dios, Rebekah, how could you not tell me?”

The beseeching sound of his voice tore at her conscience. There was nothing she could say to make what she had done acceptable. She had tried to contact him, but he was right. She hadn’t tried hard enough. They were separated and on their way to divorce when she’d found out about her pregnancy.

She had been back in Atlanta at her parents’ house, and he had already moved to California with Marty Luger. Marty had managed Rafael’s career from the time he discovered him at a local fight club in Las Vegas. They had moved there after she graduated from high school, and they got married in a small chapel off the strip.

At first, it seemed the best decision was to remain quiet. His life on the road had concerned her, and his career was taking off. With her youthful dreams crushed under reality’s ruthless boot, she had felt like an extra appendage. She was certain the last thing he wanted was to be saddled with a child, and she certainly hadn’t wanted him to think she was using their son to make claims on his impending fortune.

“I was protecting him.”

“From his own father?” Rafael grated.

“Yes! I didn’t want him exposed to your lifestyle—the drugs, the women, the drinking, and the brutality of that thing you call a sport.”

“It doesn’t excuse what you did.” His eyes lowered to her belly. “You robbed me of the chance of watching your body swell with my child and robbed me of the first years of his life.”

His bitter words were like lashes across her conscience. “I was nineteen. I didn’t know what to do at the time. It was the wrong decision, I know, but I did what I thought was best.”

“Is that all you can come up with?”

“It’s the truth, Rafe.”

His gaze swept her face. “What about later? What about when you turned twenty-one? Or twenty-two? Or even now, at twenty-eight? When exactly did you decide it was the wrong decision? When I walked through the door just now and saw him standing there, looking so much like me it’s a wonder he didn’t figure it out himself?”

“Fine!” She pushed away from the counter to face him squarely, trying to quell the trembling in her stomach. “What I did was wrong. But let’s get one thing straight, if you had been the husband you were supposed to be—if you hadn’t done what you did—I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell you about Ricardo, and you would have been by my side the entire time, instead of out in California”—she waved her hand in a sweeping gesture—“sleeping with every woman who tossed a smile your way.”

Sickening thoughts of him with other women raced through her mind. How many had warmed his bed over the years? Had they willingly done the things she wouldn’t?

His face hardened and angry color tinged the light caramel of his cheeks. “It didn’t take you long to bring that up. You couldn’t wait to throw it in my face, could you?”

Rebekah knew her comment was a low blow, but she couldn’t stop herself. Before the flash of anger, she saw the hurt in his eyes. She pushed aside the pang of guilt. She was right to feel angry, and she wouldn’t feel guilty about it.

“You know what you did.” The painful burning in her throat indicated the hurt from his betrayal hadn’t disappeared. It had only lain dormant, and seeing him again brought it back to life—almost as fresh and new as the day he’d broken her heart and rendered their marriage vows void and useless.

“Yes, I know what I did,” he agreed tersely, “and now I know what you did.”

The air was thick with the animosity that flared between them. Rebekah took a deep, shaky breath. “Throwing accusations around isn’t going to get us anywhere.”

“No, it isn’t,” Rafael conceded. He eyed her with a frown. “We need to decide what we’re going to do about Ricardo.”

Her ears perked up. “What do you mean ‘what we’re going to do about Ricardo?’”

“What do you think I mean? He’s mine.”

“He isn’t a possession, Rafe, like one of your fancy cars or your championship belt. He’s a person.”

His dark eyes flashed angrily down at her. “You think I don’t know that? But he is my son, and I intend to be a part of his life from now on. First, we need to tell him right away that I’m his father. Then, I want him to come spend time with me in California. I have no idea what he believes, but you’ll make sure he understands I did not desert him all these years.”

His dictatorial tone rubbed Rebekah the wrong way, but she bit back her angry retort. Under the circumstances, it would be an overreaction, but she wasn’t far from giving him a piece of her mind.

“All right,” she said. “I’ll have a talk with him later.”

A muscle in his jaw tightened. “You’ll have a talk with him now, while I’m here. You’re no longer a single parent. We’ll do this together. ”

“Do you have to talk to me like that?” she snapped.

“Only if you fight me on this. Is that what you intend to do?”

“No. Of course not. I’m worried about how this will affect him. We’re about to dump a lot on a kid who, for eight years, has never had a father. Now, all of a sudden, here you are, bigger than life. I don’t even know how he knows who you are. You retired almost two years ago, and I certainly never allowed him to watch wrestling.”

It was possible Ricardo had seen the replayed matches on television without her permission. It could even be from the occasional commercials Rafael shot. Since retiring from wrestling, he endorsed a variety of products. In addition, he’d licensed his name on a chain of gyms on the west coast.

“He’s a boy,” Rafael said. “When I was his age, I was curious about fighting. He could have found out about me—my persona—from one of his friends at school. It’s natural for boys to be into that kind of thing.”

Rebekah knew he was right, but she had no interest in fighting and tried to limit her young son’s exposure to violence. The idea of co-parenting with Rafael was daunting, and she had no idea what kind of parent he would be. He deserved the opportunity to play that role, but she’d had Ricardo to herself for eight years. She would have to relinquish any hard feelings she harbored toward Rafael and allow him to participate in all aspects of his son’s life. Her only fear was that their parenting styles would be so different he would undo everything she’d taught their son.

“About California,” she began, “what did you have in mind?”

“He could come spend the summer with me in L.A.”

“I don’t know, Rafe. The entire summer is a bit much. Let’s take it one step at a time, okay? We’ll see how he handles finding out you’re his father, and then we’ll go from there.”

“Rebekah, I’m asking for one summer.” The underlying accusation being she had robbed him of eight years.

A tug of war for Ricardo’s time had already begun. He didn’t even consider they may already have plans. “I understand, but I was thinking about taking him to St. Kitts to see relatives this summer. I think it would be better if we put off this conversation until later.”

St. Kitts was a small island nation in the Caribbean where her mother was from. As children, she, Samirah, and their older brother, Adam, spent their summers there. As the years passed, they visited less frequently, but she wanted her son to be aware of his Caribbean roots. The last time he visited was at the age of five, and he hardly remembered his time there.

“All right,” Rafael agreed. Rebekah eyed him suspiciously. That was almost too easy. “Are you ready?”

Nodding, Rebekah resigned herself to what was to take place. There was no point in a delay. That didn’t keep the bundle of knots in her stomach from reappearing, and she wondered how she would make it through the difficult explanation without looking like a villain.

As they neared the staircase, she turned to Rafael. “Wasn’t there something you said you needed to tell me?” she asked.

Rafael looked intently at her, as if trying to gauge how to say what he was holding. “As a matter of fact, there is.”

“Well, what is it?”

“I came here to tell you when we signed the divorce papers nine years ago, there was a problem at the courthouse. Our papers were never filed. Legally, you’re still my wife.”

———————-

Delaney Diamond is the bestselling author of sweet and sensual romance novels with multicultural characters. Originally from the U.S. Virgin Islands, she now lives in Atlanta, Georgia. In her spare time she reads romance novels, mysteries, thrillers, and a fair amount of non-fiction. When she’s not busy reading or writing, she’s in the kitchen trying out new recipes, dining at one of her favorite restaurants, or traveling to an interesting locale.  

She never had thoughts of being a writer growing up, but now that she’s started, it’s turned out to be a great creative outlet and the ideas won’t stop coming. 

Interesting facts:

Her favorite color is yellow.

Her favorite season is spring.

Her favorite type of hero: Alpha male!

She’s an ice cream addict. Her favorite flavors are Haagen-Dazs’s pineapple-coconut and rum raisin; Breyer’s rocky road; Blue Bell’s pistachio almond. 

You can enjoy free reads and the first chapter of all her novels on her website.

Book Cover_The Arrangement

Connect with Delaney here:

Amazon book list

Barnes & Noble book list

Facebook fan page 

iTunes book list 

Book Cover_Private ActsTwitter 

Website and blog

Join in the Fray: What’s your definition of “Hot?”

All rights reserved. All work is the copyright of the respective owner, otherwise copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews-Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, Dallas, TX, USA.

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Guest Blog, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, Delaney Diamond, fiction, guest post, Hispanic, hot, hot Latin men, hot men, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Latin men, Latino, love, Miranda Santiago, novel, Romance, swirl, swirling

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I’m Michelle Matthews-Calloway, and I’m A Swirl Girl! Greetings to you from The Swirl World. We encourage Black women to expand their relationship options by dating and marrying interracially. Our overarching mission is to see Black Women live their best life. Come Swirl with us in The Swirl World™, where we celebrate Black women and the diverse men who love us!™

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