Western Australia Archives - The Swirl World

#15 | Life’s A Beach!

January 15, 2015 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

Yesterday at noon here in the United States, the temperature in Lafayette, LA was 37° Fahrenheit. (The expected high was 46° F; I don’t think we reached it).

Chicago’s noon temperature was 16°, and with the wind chill it felt like 14°. And in Fairbanks, Alaska? A frigid 10°.

And yet, across the world at Cottesloe Beach near Perth, Western Australia, it was a balmy 72° F, and surfing enthusiasts could check the surf forecast.

For them right now, life’s a beach!

Now, close your eyes, and imagine the moon over Cottesloe Beach. Isn’t it time we did some traveling?

The inspiring Rosetta Thurman of Happy Black Woman just posted a feature article entitled, “Four Steps to Creating an Online Travel Vision Board.” I strongly advise you to check it out!

Let’s set up a board so we can get up and get out – I’d love to see the moon rise in another location, wouldn’t you?

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The Swirl World Team is committed to sharing 365 days of inspiration in 2015. Our goal is to help you stay motivated and inspired by bringing you positive, uplifting images and corresponding thoughts.

If you’d like to share your photos, please send them to InspirationDaily@TheSwirlWorld.com. We’d love to feature YOU in one of our Inspiration Daily posts!

Copyright ©2015 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, All rights reserved. Photo of Cottlesloe Beach Copyright ©2015 John Miecovich. Used with permission.

Is A Baby In Mike’s Future??

December 9, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 4 Comments

Last week we kicked off our Mondays With Mike series and introduced you to writer and blogger Michael Miocevich (My-oh-see-vitch), a native of Western Australia who is now our guide to Swirling in Australia.

(Mike also lends us his brain and lets us pick it at will).

In his first post Mike received three questions, one of which was to tell his idea of a fun date.

Whelp, Mike’s response generated this follow-up question from a fan on our Facebook page:

“I wonder how Mike feels about women with children? Is that deal breaker? It seemed like his perfect date would be for a women with no children and free time to spend a whole day (not knocking it but I have two boys who come first). I just wonder if this isn’t even considered when looking for a mate . . . Sorry I’m soap boxing :: steps down::”

This is quite a legitimate question, particularly because dating with children is a reality for millions of singles. I forwarded the question to Mike as fast as my little fingers could type it.

So, hmm . . . . Is a baby in Mike’s future?? What followed is Part 1 of his very thoughtful response:

“This can be an interesting but also sometimes a hard topic to talk about. Some men can be rather apprehensive, as often while they can relate to the woman they are dating, they might feel a gulf between them and her children. This is more a psychological barrier than anything. The man doesn’t know exactly what role he should play, and also might worry about the notion that he might be seen as someone who is supplanting the child’s biological father. This can be rather conflicting, and I have seen marriages being broken up early due to the intervention of kids vs their parents new husband/wife. I have seen this both in relationships of divorced men and divorced women, so there is no finger of blame being pointed here. If this is noticed early on, with the children not getting along with the new partner, it really does need to be addressed as soon as possible.

Other times it can be the wrong thought for men that if they were to date a woman who has children from another relationship, that immediately they would be expected to provide for those children as well, when what they want is freedom and fun to develop a relationship with someone who is unattached or has no children. This is a rather selfish way to go through things in life, always wondering what people are trying to get from you. Often the women who these men could date and have children already are quite used to providing for their children, and aren’t expecting their new beau to walk in and be immediately put on the spot for financial help. It would be my hope that if a person did date and fall in love with someone who has children, that they would offer to help out as a gesture of love. It says he cares for you and your children, even though they aren’t his biologically. A man is going to have to face up to this eventually, so if he doesn’t think he can manage it, he’s better off not stringing someone along, thinking that he’ll eventually come around to it.

So where do I stand in all of this? I’m 38, so I am kind of on the fence in regards to starting a family with someone I meet. On the one hand I might have left it too long, as I’d like to be the kind of guy who spends times with his children and is active with them, rather than being too tired after working to do so, and leave them to be raised by the TV. On the other hand, who says that this should be the case? If I were to meet the right person, why couldn’t my life be structured to have a decent job, but time available to spend with my wife and children? These are questions that can really only be properly sorted out once I have met that special person who is right for me. It’s got to be a joint decision. Trying to plan out things exactly how you want them to happen is an exercise in futility. Better to have broad plans that move you forward and are able to accommodate any curve balls thrown your way.

As for dating women who already have children, I don’t see why not! If we are lucky enough to make a connection with someone who excites us, challenges us, is great to be with and who you don’t know if you could be without, I don’t see why them having children would be such a barrier to having a relationship with them. The above preconception is something a lot of people automatically make as they have no experience of such situations. I would be prone to them myself as I have only dated women who were previously single and without children. To be honest perhaps I was too limited in my view of what a fun date would be because of it. Another limitation is that my place isn’t that huge, so dating a woman who has children and is looking to emigrate to Australia might be a touch difficult as I don’t have a lot of space for more than one other person. This is likely to be something which changes in the future, but at the moment it is likely to be a factor. However, as with all things, any problems will have a solution.

In which case a date with a women who has children might involve a day at the museum (the American Museum of Natural History is absolutely fantastic and I could have spent days there when I was in NYC) or a visit to a park for a picnic. If we go to a park I am going to have to pack a cricket bat and ball so we can have a hit before lunch (yes, I am going to hold on to my Australian sporting identity darnit!). A nice lunch and a walk around the park while the kids go roughhousing nearby. Pack it all up and head to the movies (at a cinema or at home) for something light-hearted and pants-wettingly funny, or even do so at home on the couch. If I have been dating the woman for some time, then reading the kids a story before bedtime, or even make up one of my own for them would be really cool. Then the rest of the evening can be spent talking and being together on the couch, conversations of everything and nothing, and sweet kisses before parting.”

Stay tuned for Part 2, where Mike gives us insight into what a man thinks when he considers dating a woman with children.

Got questions for Mike? Send them to us via inbox on Facebook or email them to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Follow Mike on Twitter @500and50, read his blog at 500and50.com, or message him on Facebook.

Join in the Fray: What are your thoughts on dating someone with children?

Mondays (And Dates) With Mike

December 2, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 6 Comments

Last Monday we enjoyed a veritable feast for the eyes with the “Men From Down Under” – Australian men who make our hearts skip a beat and send us ladies on mental trips to Fantasy Island.

We introduced you to our own Michael Miocevich (pronounced My-oh-see-vitch). Mike lives in Western Australia and cheerfully agreed to serve as our guide to Swirling in Australia.

(He also agreed to give us a first-hand view into the male mind. Think about it: Who better than a man to tell us how a man thinks??)

In addition to being an all-around good sport Mike is a writer and blogger. If you love delightful prose and poetry (yes, he writes poetry!) check out his blog here.

We put the call out for questions and started receiving immediate responses.

This week’s questions are from Chongo, one of our fans in The Swirl World on Facebook.

NOTE: Chongo’s questions (in red) and Mike’s responses (in blue) are unedited.

Hi TSW!

Happy Thanksgiving.

My name’s Chongo (Chit) and I’ve been reading your blog and FB page for months (about a year). I’ve been interested in interracial dating & relationships since primary school when my first crush was a cute soft-spoken white boy called Michael. I like men of all races and nationalities and your page is a great space for eye candy, articles and normalising love across colour lines. So thank you for this amazing space – it is serious, fun and everything in between and outside.

I read about your ‘Mondays with Mike’ from the blog and I’m sending in my questions.

Hello Mike, thanks for enabling this form of interaction. Here are my questions:

1. Do your family and friends know about your attraction to black women? If affirmative, what was their reaction? Does their reaction (positive or negative) matter to you?

Hi Chongo, great to make your acquaintance!

Here are the answers to your questions; as good as I can make them.

1 – A few of my friends know, as I have told them, but my family I haven’t. This is not because I am afraid nor ashamed of liking who I like, it’s just that my parents and siblings made things incredibly awkward for me when I was growing up. Any hint of liking a girl meant that they couldn’t help but blurt it out to her while I was standing there, making me go bright red and both of us feel awkward. Another reason is that my siblings have had complicated relationships with the people they went out with (and married) over the years, and a lot of that drama that happened was played out in front of the family. I prefer to keep my relationships close to my heart. In the end it’s myself and the person I am with who matter, not the opinions of anyone else.

These days I think my relatives would likely say “about time!” if I showed up to a family gathering with a girl, and I very much doubt they would care what ethnicity she was. If they had a negative reaction I would be upset, because they wouldn’t be the people I thought they were. However, I don’t think this will be a problem. I’d also let my family know to mind their P’s and Q’s if I were to bring anyone along, regardless of where she was from. I am sure my siblings would give me those kind of knowing looks about the fact I had introduced someone to them, and possibly pull dumb faces and go ‘ooooo-oooh!” when I was near them, but I think they’d get over it I suspect they’ve been waiting a long time to hassle me about such things and are going to take every opportunity to make me uncomfortable about having a girlfriend there as much as possible, but that’s the price the youngest in the family usually has to pay.

2. What’s your greatest curiosity about black women (bearing in mind we are not a monolith) or what is the one thing you are most curious about vis-a-vis black women?

2 – An interesting question, and I hope my answer doesn’t come off as pandering or trite. I wonder why some men from different ethnic groups don’t appreciate black women for the wonderful jewels they are. I can’t fathom it myself. I’ve been talking to Michelle, and she has linked me to the song by the Doors called “Hello”, which Jim Morrison wrote after seeing an incredibly gorgeous black woman, but not having the confidence to talk to her. He says as much in the lines “Do you hope to make her see, you fool? Do you hope to pluck this dusky jewel?” I have lived far too long in that mindset, thinking that black women did not want anything to do with white guys (mostly misinformed by TV, movies and music I have to say), but broke the habit some time ago. I guess perhaps a lot of the guys have the same hang-ups I had, in as much as they think they’ll be rebuffed instantly. A lot of the time guys are shy in approaching anyone, but I do hope in the future men of all groups will take the chance and be accepted in return. I’d love to see more of that.

3. What is your idea of a fun date?

3 – I’d love to spend an day in a place where lots of art and creativity is on display, with all kinds of artists showcasing their talents. Take brunch or lunch at a nice restaurant and discuss what has been seen, and the general small talk about anything which is so fun to have. In the afternoon watch a live band, take in a play or an enjoyable movie, or be content to wander amongst trees and nature in a park. As the sun goes down find a spot for a picnic and toast the last rays of the sun as they disappear over the horizon, and be graced with a wonderful display of colour with the sunset. At night a moonlit walk along the beach holding hands, combined with acting the fool in the low surf as it hits the shore, and a dreamy kiss under the stars. That would be a good day. A very good day.

And there you have it, folks – straight from the mouth of our man Mike in Australia. Special thanks to TSW fan Chonogo for submitting those questions.

Got questions for Mike? Send them to us via inbox on Facebook or email them to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.