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The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


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My Blogroll

January 8, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

The internet is a virtual reading buffet. Whatever your interest, somebody is probably blogging about it. 

Because there’s so much out there, sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. May I make some suggestions?

Kind Reader, meet my Blogroll: This is a list of the blogs I regularly read.

I invite you to check these out for information on pop culture, health, beauty, faith, fashion, interracial dating and marriage, homemaking, and pure comedy.

My Blogroll

  • A Black Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss
  • Afrobella
  • Alphanista
  • Awesomely Luvvie
  • Baggage Reclaim
  • Beyond Black & White
  • Black Female Interracial Marriage
  • Black Girl Nerds
  • Black Women Deserve Better™
  • Black Women with Other Brothers
  • Black Women’s Interracial Relationship Circle
  • Bougie Black Girl
  • Happy Black Woman
  • Integrated Memoirs
  • Interracial Dating Coach
  • Joyce L. Rodgers
  • Just Ask Kaye
  • LorMarie’s Place
  • Married Girl in a Weird World
  • Matlock61
  • Petals
  • Socialite Dreams
  • Surviving Dating
  • The Sojourner’s Passport
  • The Style and Beauty Doctor
  • The Working Home Keeper

Join in the Fray: What blogs do you read regularly?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment.

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black, Black women, Black. White, Blog, blog roll, bloggers, blogging, BlogHer, dating, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, NaBloPoMo, swirling

Italian Delights

January 7, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 15 Comments

Thursday I mentioned that I want to start working on a book.

I’m toying with the idea of expanding the story line and featuring the characters I used last year in a writing prompt. The prompt was posted by the moderator of an online writing group I’m a member of.

These were the guidelines:

SHORT STORY – 1000-2000 words

Deadline – July 3rd, 2011

TOPIC: July 4th

RULES:

1. NO FIRST PERSON (example I, me, my)

2. Do not go over 2000 words

3. Do have a PLOT

4. Do leave it hanging

5. Nothing sexually explicit. We aren’t doing porn, thanks

6. FINALLY: You must use these ten words at least once somewhere in your story:

BOY, DODGE, INTRINSIC, INEVITABLE, VALUABLE, ORANGE, SPACESHIP, CHEESECLOTH, FIREWORKS, ANIMAL

This is the story I submitted. Please give me your opinion.

Italian Delights

Alexa looked nervously around the room and compared her attire to that of the other ladies.

She’d worn dressy jeans with a bright orange linen tunic. Originally she’d planned to wear an animal print blouse, but later decided against it because she thought it would look too busy. Even though it was the 4th of July, she definitely didn’t want to go with a red-white-and blue color scheme – that was way too cheesy. Stilettos were normally her shoe of choice, yet this time she’d opted for low-heeled, caramel-colored leather mules. The brochure for the three-hour cooking class cautioned attendees to wear comfortable shoes. Be stylish – not stupid, Alexa had said to herself when she pushed past boxes of high heels and settled on the mules. Besides, she didn’t want to look like she was trying too hard. She’d completed her outfit with large hoop earrings in yellow gold. Alexa hoped the outfit looked as good on her as it had on the store mannequin.

After scanning the other women’s outfits, Alexa was satisfied that she’d been able to dodge the “overdressed” bullet and achieved the look she desired. “Less is more!” Mama always said, and this time Mama was right.

Alexa sighed inwardly. Mama never said there’d be days like this, she thought. She was 32 and still single. Born and raised in Pensacola, Florida, Alexa had graduated from Florida A & M University with a bachelor’s of science in marketing. She’d landed a job with Texas Instruments and moved to Dallas right after graduation.  Five years later she’d marched across the stage at Texas Women’s University, MBA in hand. That degree had afforded her a valuable and enviable amount of leverage, and she’d used that leverage to climb the ranks of her company.  Alexa loved learning; for her it was an intrinsic quality. Setting her sights on a PhD was inevitable. With her fast-paced work environment, enrolling in online classes at the University of Phoenix seemed like the perfect solution.

What good is it to have a wonderful career, a ton of education, and no man? Alexa thought ruefully.

Well, that’s why you’re here, Alexa Renee’ Patterson, she said to perk herself up.  Alexa received e-mail updates from five popular dating blogs and read them religiously. She’d learned that she had allowed her career and educational pursuits to consume the majority of her time and attention, leaving her little to no room for a social life or dating.

“Ladies, you have to get out to where the men are! A good man won’t drop down out of the sky in a spaceship,” the bloggers admonished.

One blogger whom Alexa greatly admired swore that she met her dream man at a cooking class. When the Whole Foods Market Alexa frequented started offering Monday night cooking classes, she viewed it as a sign and paid for a month of classes. The first Monday in July was the 4th, but the store held to the schedule, so here she was. Alexa thought it was an interesting way to spend the holiday. Tonight’s theme: Italian Delights.

Alexa scanned the room again, this time to see if any men were present. Three men were in attendance; two White and one Asian. One of the White men was with a woman who was obviously either his wife or girlfriend; ditto for the Asian man. The other White guy’s back was turned to her so Alexa couldn’t see his face. She definitely couldn’t miss his blonde hair or his height, though.  He was at least five or six inches taller than the other two men. Eyes narrowing slightly, Alexa looked around at the other people in the class. Suddenly, she realized that she was the only Black person in the entire room.

Oh boy! so much for meeting a man, she thought.

“Everybody partner up,” the stout, bearded chef with “Bob” printed on his name tag said cheerfully.

OH. NO! Alexa thought. She’d tried to get one of her three home girls to come with her, but each had refused.

“Cooking classes? You’re taking cooking classes – for a month??!” Carmen had exclaimed.

“They’re only from 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m., so come on,” Alexa wheedled.

“Um, I think I’ll be b-busy,” Carmen stammered.

“Alexa, are you sure that’s a good way to meet real men?” Robin had said doubtfully. “What kind of men take cooking classes???”

“Girl, I’m not tying up my Monday nights taking some freakin’ cooking classes,” Valerie, Alexa’s bestie, had snorted. “I already know how to cook. But you knock yourself out, though!”

So here she was, in a cooking class without another brown face in the place – and no partner. Great, Alexa thought. She could hear Carmen, Robin, and Jackie hooting now!

She squared her shoulders and looked around bravely. The classes were limited to 10 and excluding the instructor, 10 people were present. She would be paired with somebody.

Bob peered at her name tag. “Um, Alexa? Gary here doesn’t have a partner. Why don’t you two partner up?”

“Gary” turned out to be the tall blonde. Alexa looked up and stared into a pair of deep blue eyes. Gary’s face reminded her of Harrison Ford in the first Raiders movie. He was even built like Harrison Ford. Goodness! Why was her heart pounding?

“I’d love to be your partner,” Gary said, his eyes twinkling. “Do you mind?”

“Why, not at all,” Alexa heard herself saying. Gary towered over her petite, five feet, one-inch frame, but she didn’t care. A little dazed (and more than a little breathless) she forced herself to listen to the instructor.

“Tonight’s theme is ‘Italian Delights,’” Bob boomed. “We’re going to make rigatoni with sausage, peas, and fresh ricotta. Now, ricotta is a delicious, creamy cheese. We’re going to make this dish just the way they do in Italy, which means we’ll strain the ricotta cheese through something called cheesecloth. . . . “

The rest of the class was a blur. Alexa and Gary laughed, talked, and cooked together like they’d known each other for years. The highlight of the class was sitting down to eat the meal, complete with a wine paring, after everything was prepared.

Gary lifted his glass of wine and turned to Alexa for a toast. “To a wonderful cooking class, with the best partner a guy could hope for,” he said, looking Alexa directly in the eyes. She nodded happily, and raised her glass in return.

Gary’s eyes didn’t leave her face. “I hope you don’t think I’m being presumptuous, but I really don’t want this evening to end. Class is over in about 15 minutes; would you like to go for coffee? The Starbucks on McKinney Boulevard stays open until midnight.”

Wow! Alexa thought. She felt the same way Gary did; she also didn’t want the evening to end.  She had never imagined that she’d ever feel attracted to a man who wasn’t Black, but the chemistry between she and Gary was undeniable. She could follow her head and hold on to old patterns of thinking, or she could follow her heart and launch out into the deep. Alexa already knew the answer.

Inwardly, Alexa took a deep breath, and jumped.  “Of course,” she said, smiling warmly. “I’d love to.”

Three hours later, Alexa was quite assured that she hadn’t jumped alone.

“When I saw you, it was like real fireworks went off,” Gary said. “I tried to see if you were there with someone. You didn’t notice, but I maneuvered my way around the room so I could be your partner.”

They talked, and laughed, and talked some more. This would be the first interracial relationship for each of them. They decided to take things slow, enjoy their time together, and see where things led.

Gary walked Alexa to her car and made her promise to call and let him know she’d arrived home safely. Once on the freeway, out of his sight, Alexa shivered. What would her home girls say???

~~~~~~~

Incredulous that Alexa followed through and went to the cooking class – and actually met a “real” man – her posse of three made sure to get every little detail before weighing in on the prospect of her dating interracially. Their responses ranged from yes, to maybe, and hell no.

“Girl, does he have a brother???” Carmen squealed.  “ I’ve wanted to swirl for the longest. Tell Mr. Gary to hook a sista UP!”

“ Hmm . . . Alexa, I don’t know about this,” Robin said reluctantly. “I guess I’m happy for you, but I’m worried at the same time. Are you sure this is what you want to do???”

Telling Carmen and Robin was a piece of cake compared to telling Valerie.

“Aw hell, Alexa, this is what I get for letting you go to some lily-white cooking class by yourself!” Valerie exclaimed. “You met some White dude and came back crazy. It will never work!”

WHOA, Alexa thought. She could definitely understand Carmen’s desire to hop on the interracial dating bandwagon. Why not be willing to try a different dating option? She could even understand Robin’s reluctance; she wanted Alexa to exercise caution because she didn’t want her to get hurt. Those responses made sense.

But Alexa was stymied by Val’s reaction. Why did Valerie say Alexa had to be “crazy?” And why did Val automatically think it wouldn’t work?

Valerie had a laundry list of reasons why: Too many cultural differences. His family and friends wouldn’t accept her. It would be too uncomfortable for Alexa to fit into “his” world, and him in “hers.” White boys can’t get-it-on like brothers can.

And the clincher?

“Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?”Valerie said.

‘Who the hell do I think am?’ Alexa thought.

What???!!!

“Val, who do YOU think I think I am???” Alexa asked angrily.

They stood there facing each other, hands clenched into fists. Alexa was amazed at the incredible amount of negative energy in the room. She was also amazed at the depth of the feelings she was experiencing. Alexa wanted what Val and any other woman wanted – a good, solid relationship with a wonderful man. If Gary fit the bill, then why should his being White present a problem to Val or anyone else?

“Alexa, the hell if I know who I think you think you are,” Valerie said, exasperated. “That’s why I asked you!”

They glared at each other; breathing heavily, faces full of fury. Suddenly, inexplicably, the foundation of their friendship, which had been rocky mere moments prior, carried them into a safe, familiar place.

They both burst out laughing.

“Girl, you’re always doing something – you make me SICK!” Valerie exclaimed as the tension left the room. “How can you DO this???” she asked. “I’m telling you now – I’m not going to go off into the deep White waters – but you – Girl, you have to tell me how YOU can!”

Slowly, quietly, and with a lot of laughter sprinkled in, Alexa told her best friend that she was terrified – but determined. She and Gary had clicked all during the class, and even more so as they later drank coffee together in Starbucks, undistracted. They shared similar values; each possessed definitive goals, and wanted the same things from life. Of course Alexa had met men with goals and values. Yet, she and Gary experienced a connection that even in those first hours seemed to transcend their ethnicities. Alexa was willing to explore the connection further, and so was Gary.

“So Girl, THIS is what I want to know,” Val said slyly. “You sure you’re gonna be able to ‘do that thang’ with him???”

Alexa’s jaw dropped, and then she shook with laughter. Leave it to Valerie!

Before Alexa could muster up a response, her cell phone rang. It was Gary, and his voice sounded strained. Alexa’s heart plummeted. There was something about the tone of his voice that made her very uneasy . . . .

 

Join in the Fray: What do you think of this story? What do you think happened to Gary?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and please leave some feedback!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black, Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, book idea, cheese, cooking, cooking classes, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Italian, NaBloPoMo, novel, plot, romantic comedy, short story, swirling, syspense, Whole Foods Market, Writing, writing challenge

For This, I Am Thankful

January 6, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

Though this saying is not an absolute (I believe things can “go good” and stay good), it still provides food for thought: 

If anything, I believe we should strive to enjoy and fully maximize the good times in our life. We need to practice the art of appreciation, and cultivate an “attitude of gratitude.”

Any old body can point out areas of lack and bemoan how certain things in their life should be “better.”  Yet, it takes wisdom – and a certain amount of maturity – to relish the goodness that already exists. We can’t go wrong if we continue to build from these good places.

Sure, at times my cares and problems seem to close in on me. Clouds of negativity overshadow me and try to obstruct my view. When those times come, I make it a point to tell myself that somewhere in the world, there’s a woman who would love to have my life.

Instead of focusing on what I believe is wrong, I remind myself of the important things that are right with my life.

For this, I am thankful:

  • A vibrant faith
  • Good health
  • A sound mind and strong intellect
  • Loving family
  • Great friends
  • A grounded sense of self
  • A promising new career

Escapism? No, not at all. Situations are to be handled, and problems are to be fixed. When I use that mindset, the “bad” things really don’t last forever.

Onward and up! 

I’m thankful for the ebb and flow.

Life is good.  

 

Join in the Fray: What are you thankful for? 

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black, Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, faith, fortitude, God, grace, gratitude, Health, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, joy, life, Life Goes On, love, NaBloPoMo, perseverance, problems, strength, thankful

Show Me the Money!

January 5, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

A very popular photo is currently circulating on Facebook.

It’s called “The 52 Money Challenge,” and a lot of people (including me) are intrigued.

The premise is very simple: Save the corresponding amount of dollars for each week of the year, and at the end of the year you’ll have saved the tidy sum of $1378.00.

 

 

I’m up to the challenge – how about you???

Join in the Fray: Do you have any concrete plans to save money in 2013? If so, please share!

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment.

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: 2013, Black, BlogHer, Facebook, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, money, NaBloPoMo, saving, savings, swirling, white

Who Says White Men Can’t Dance???

January 4, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 17 Comments

One of the things I want to learn this year is Zydeco dancing.

This, my friends, is why:

I won’t tell y’all how many times I’ve watched this video. Yes, Home Girl has some great moves – no shade on her.

However.

I am not watching her moves.

(I’m just saying).

Coughs.

Sips some cold water.

Fans.

Clicks video again . . . .

(Hey! Don’t judge me!)

In Southwest Louisiana (also known as Cajun Country), MOST of the men – regardless of race or ethnicity) can dance like this.

This guy has some great moves he just needs a stylist.

So, who says White men can’t dance???

I rest my case. 

Join in the Fray: Can you  . . .  . dance?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black, Black women, Black. White, Cajun, Cajun Country, dance, dance lessons, dancing, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, lessons, Louisiana, Music, NaBloPoMo, Southwest Louisiana, swirling, White men, zydeco

Bringing it to Life – Part II

January 3, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

Living in the moment brings you

a sense of reverence for all of life’s blessings.

~Oprah Winfrey

So yesterday I shared with you that I used one of Rosetta Thurman’s  blog posts as a reflective exercise to plan my goals and strategies for 2013.

(By the way, if you haven’t subscribed to Rosetta’s blog, The Happy Black Woman,  stop now and go subscribe. In addition to her blog, you can join The Happy Black Woman Facebook Community, and follow Rosetta on Twitter. I enjoy her words of wisdom and inspiration, and I know you will, too. So get over there and subscribe. Right now.)

Questions 1-5 of Rosetta’s post centered on “What I Want to Bring Into My Life in 2013.” In questions 5-10, we were to hone in on how we want our life to look in 2013.

Here goes:

What I Want My Life to Look Like in 2013

  • What part of your life do you want to pay more attention to in 2013? 

Even though I have academic and professional pursuits, the part of my life that I want to “pay more attention to in 2013” is the way I eat. Yes, I believe in eating healthy, but for years I’ve toyed with converting to a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle. 

I don’t think I can do it 100%. (Honestly, I don’t want to. I love seafood, rice, and my Daddy’s cooking way too much).

What I’d like to do is arrive at what for me is a happy medium: 75% fruits and veggies, and 25% seafood and chicken. Correspondingly, I want to pay more attention to my physical body. I want to focus on and tighten up my abs. 

To hold myself accountable, I’ve taken a January 2, 2013 photo and will use it to compare on January 2, 2014. 

  • Who do you want to spend more time with in 2013? Who do you want to spend less time with in 2013? 

I’d like to spend more time with my bestie, Jacque, who lives in Ohio, and with friends in Dallas. Who do I want to spend less time with? This question is easily answered for me, because I won’t (and don’t) give my time to people who don’t deserve or warrant it. If I’m spending time with someone, it’s because I want to. Believe that. 

  • Which activities, habits or behaviors, if any, do you want to stop doing in 2013 because they no longer serve you?

As I said yesterday, I want to stop trying to understand situations/things/people (especially people) so much, and just go with the flow. For me, a huge aspect of trying to “understand” involves time spent trying to analyze these situations/things/people (especially people). For the most part, this type of analysis is fruitless a waste of time unproductive particularly if you’re trying to analyze people. This behavior does not serve me, so I’m going to do my best to just. stop. it.already. 

  • Which activities do you want to start and/or continue doing in 2013? 

I want to start teaching online, learning Adobe Photoshop, working on a book, and taking Zydeco dance classes. I want to continue blogging, working out, eating healthy and enhancing my time management skills.

  •   What will your ideal day look like next year?

My ideal day will start with a workout at the gym, and then on to the library or Starbucks for a productive day of work writing and/or engaging in one of the activities I listed above. Insert a nice lunch and dinner in this scenario, and include hanging out with my Mom and Dad. Whether anything/anybody else goes in this picture remains to be seen.

So there you have it, folks. Part of the beauty of life is that everything is not graven in stone. We do get to add or delete some things along the way. This exercise provided a great framework to start with. The fun – and the challenge – will be in seeing how much of this I actually do. Wish me luck!

Join in the Fray: What do you want your life to look like in 2013?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black, Black women, Black. White, Blog, blogging, BlogHer, dating, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, life, Life Goes On, love, NaBloPoMo, swirling, white

Bringing it to Life – Part 1

January 2, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

 

shareasimageLIFE

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

Live the life you have imagined.

~Henry David Thoreau

Like millions of others, I’ve been in a reflective mood. Rosetta Thurman, blog mistress of The Happy Black Woman, put out an excellent blog post entitled “Preview 2013: Ten Journaling Questions to Help You Envision Your Ideal Life Next Year.” 

In the post Rosetta asks a series of questions designed to cause her readers to reflect on and examine their lives and goals. Responding to the questions gives readers clarity regarding what they want in their lives, which in turn should help them move their lives in desired directions.

These were the first five questions in Rosetta’s post (accompanied by my answers):

What I Want to Bring Into My Life in 2013

  • What do you deserve more of next year? What do you deserve less of next year?

I believe I deserve more of the ability to “go with the flow,” and less of “trying to figure everything out.” I have a tendency to operate under the belief that “If I don’t understand it, how is it helping?” I already know that holding that belief can be somewhat limiting – sometimes you just have to figure things out as you go along. Not only that, I have to accept the fact that there are some things I’ll never understand – and that it’s okay if I don’t. The important thing is to keep my life moving.

  • What personal milestone(s) do you most want to reach in your relationships, health, family, finances, education and/or lifestyle?

I’m on track with making healthier food choices and working out, so I have few difficulties in that area. My Mom and Dad enjoyed a much healthier year in 2012 than in 2011, and I pray that trend will continue. The personal milestone I want to reach for my finances is to work 100% from home. I’ve been able to do that for the most part. In 2012 I engaged in a good bit of pro bono social media consulting and editing work, yet I don’t plan to hand out any more free lunches in 2013. (Don’t judge me – business is business). If everything continues to go according to my academic plan (and, so far, so good) I will reach the personal milestone of earning a PhD in higher education administration. Chapters 1-3 are written and done. I’m in the interviewing stage now and preparing to synthesize my data.

Personal milestone I want to reach in relationships? Whelp, that’s another post for another day. Stay tuned.

  • What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) do you want to see for yourself next year?

(See responses to Bullet 2).

  • What do you want to learn in 2013?

I’d like to learn more about the business aspect of freelance writing. I’d also like to become proficient in Adobe Photoshop.

  • What do you want to cross off your bucket list in 2013?

A trip to South Africa. South Africa is on my “International Travel” bucket list, and I’m planning to travel there in November.

Tomorrow, I’ll present Part II: What I Want My Life to Look Like in 2013. 

Join in the Fray: What do you want to bring into your life in 2013?

 

Copyright ©2015 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, Swirl Nation™. All rights reserved. Photo property of The Swirl World™.

I’m blogging every day in January to meet the NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: 2013, Black, Black women, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, life, NaBloPoMo, New Year, swirling

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