The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


Bringing it to Life – Part II

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Living in the moment brings you

a sense of reverence for all of life’s blessings.

~Oprah Winfrey

So yesterday I shared with you that I used one of Rosetta Thurman’s  blog posts as a reflective exercise to plan my goals and strategies for 2013.

(By the way, if you haven’t subscribed to Rosetta’s blog, The Happy Black Woman,  stop now and go subscribe. In addition to her blog, you can join The Happy Black Woman Facebook Community, and follow Rosetta on Twitter. I enjoy her words of wisdom and inspiration, and I know you will, too. So get over there and subscribe. Right now.)

Questions 1-5 of Rosetta’s post centered on “What I Want to Bring Into My Life in 2013.” In questions 5-10, we were to hone in on how we want our life to look in 2013.

Here goes:

What I Want My Life to Look Like in 2013

  • What part of your life do you want to pay more attention to in 2013? 

Even though I have academic and professional pursuits, the part of my life that I want to “pay more attention to in 2013” is the way I eat. Yes, I believe in eating healthy, but for years I’ve toyed with converting to a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle. 

I don’t think I can do it 100%. (Honestly, I don’t want to. I love seafood, rice, and my Daddy’s cooking way too much).

What I’d like to do is arrive at what for me is a happy medium: 75% fruits and veggies, and 25% seafood and chicken. Correspondingly, I want to pay more attention to my physical body. I want to focus on and tighten up my abs. 

To hold myself accountable, I’ve taken a January 2, 2013 photo and will use it to compare on January 2, 2014. 

  • Who do you want to spend more time with in 2013? Who do you want to spend less time with in 2013? 

I’d like to spend more time with my bestie, Jacque, who lives in Ohio, and with friends in Dallas. Who do I want to spend less time with? This question is easily answered for me, because I won’t (and don’t) give my time to people who don’t deserve or warrant it. If I’m spending time with someone, it’s because I want to. Believe that. 

  • Which activities, habits or behaviors, if any, do you want to stop doing in 2013 because they no longer serve you?

As I said yesterday, I want to stop trying to understand situations/things/people (especially people) so much, and just go with the flow. For me, a huge aspect of trying to “understand” involves time spent trying to analyze these situations/things/people (especially people). For the most part, this type of analysis is fruitless a waste of time unproductive particularly if you’re trying to analyze people. This behavior does not serve me, so I’m going to do my best to just. stop. it.already. 

  • Which activities do you want to start and/or continue doing in 2013? 

I want to start teaching online, learning Adobe Photoshop, working on a book, and taking Zydeco dance classes. I want to continue blogging, working out, eating healthy and enhancing my time management skills.

  •   What will your ideal day look like next year?

My ideal day will start with a workout at the gym, and then on to the library or Starbucks for a productive day of work writing and/or engaging in one of the activities I listed above. Insert a nice lunch and dinner in this scenario, and include hanging out with my Mom and Dad. Whether anything/anybody else goes in this picture remains to be seen.

So there you have it, folks. Part of the beauty of life is that everything is not graven in stone. We do get to add or delete some things along the way. This exercise provided a great framework to start with. The fun – and the challenge – will be in seeing how much of this I actually do. Wish me luck!

Join in the Fray: What do you want your life to look like in 2013?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

Why I Refuse to Give Up

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I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make

~from I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz

Have you ever had anyone do something mean, malicious, or spiteful to you – all with the express purpose of sabotage? What about suffering at the hands of people who know they’re engaging in hurtful behaviors – those lovely people who are so selfish and self-centered that other people’s feelings obviously don’t matter? And by all means, let’s not forget what President Franklin D. Roosevelt termed “the vicissitudes of life;” you know, the hardships, bad breaks, and unfortunate circumstances that arise just as a result of being a member of the human race.

Things happen. I get that. Crappy, disgusting, and even heartbreaking things happen. I totally get that.

Some of these things are so crappy, disgusting, and heartbreaking that it seems the sole purpose for the events even occurring is to make you wash your hands of people/life, say “To heck with it!” and go live somewhere on a deserted island far, far away.

Well, guess what? It’s at those times, my friend, that I’m even more determined to keep swimming against the tide and moving forward.

When I was much younger, my personal mantra was, “I’d rather die than cry.” Many of you know about my background as a military brat. As a child, my life was always in flux, and it was nothing to change three schools in one year. I was forever the new kid on the block and constantly had to prove myself to both students and teachers. I encountered racism at a very early age, and my Dad drilled in my brothers and me to never let anyone intimidate us.

That “refuse to be intimidated” mindset carried over into my adulthood, and I can safely say that this mentality is as much a part of me as my name.

So, want me to shine and really show you what I know or what I can do? Want to make me try harder, excel in my endeavors, and otherwise bring life to the saying “Living well is the best revenge?”

Then try to intimidate me.

Want me to dig my heels in the sand, refuse to be dissuaded or moved, and day “Pffft!” to your face?

Then by all means, attempt to bully me.

I learned this week that I face very strong opposition to my advocacy of diversity. Not just strong opposition, but hateful opposition to my message regarding what I believe is the the necessity of Black women opening their minds and hearts to interracial dating, interracial relationships, and interracial marriage.

I’m not speaking of the opposition that comes from some paternalistic, misogynistic, “Power to the People” idiot spouting his hatred for “the man” in a Facebook thread. No; it goes deeper than that brand of petty, juvenile foolishness. I’m speaking of the kind of opposition that attempts to shut down my platform, and thus ultimately silence my voice.

Whelp, it ain’t gonna work.

You see, I don’t just believe in my message of diversity in relationship options, I live my message, and I want other Black women to do the same.    

I don’t want Black women to wither on the vine while waiting for a mate of a particular color or ethnicity – one who may never show up. Instead, I want Black women to come to the realization that they can thrive in the garden of love because in that garden, there’s an entire array of offerings they can select from.

And there you have it.

I refuse to give up, because the message of the viability of interracial dating and marriage options for Black women is much too important.

I refuse to give up, because I know my cause is greater than any jack-leg who wants me to stop.

I refuse to give up, because how can you truly believe in something (or someone) that you’re not willing to fight for?

I refuse to give up – because I’m just getting started.

Join in the Fray: What do you refuse to give up on?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, All rights reserved.

Hitting the Reset Button . . . . .

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So on July I started the 31-Day Reset Challenge with Rosetta Thurman, creator of The Happy Black Woman. I’m a Woman, I’m Black, and I’m all about the Happy so I’m excited to do this challenge! According to Thurman’s website, the challenge is designed for “Anyone who wants to manifest a change in their life, design a more fulfilling existence, make room for new possibilities or simply gain more clarity about their path to happiness and success. This challenge will especially be of benefit to you if you’ve felt stuck or in a rut during the last year.”

Needless to say, 2011 didn’t rank as one of my Top Ten best years because I was definitely stuck. Sometimes, whether you like it or not, life decides to smack you all upside the head (I believe the politically correct term is “blind side.” Same difference – and definitely the same effect. I’m just saying.).

The event that blindsided me left me stuck, yet I’m happy to say that I’ve recovered and I’m no longer reeling and rocking. Now, instead of being in a rut as a result of being blindsided by Life, I’m agreeing with the assertion that Life Goes On. I’m on a mission to keep it moving and this 31-Day Reset is just the ticket to propel me forward.

Day 1 of the challenge required us to pick a journal to write in, decide on a mantra,  and select a personal theme song. Because I’m now navigating some very pivotal areas of my life (more on that in later posts), my mantra for the 31-Day Reset is this:

“I am not afraid. I was born to do this!”

~Joan of Arc

My personal “theme song” is “I’m Every Woman” by the imitable Chaka Kahn. This song has run in the background of my head from the first time I heard it. It’s so much of part of me that when I find myself in difficult situations, I often say to myself, “I’m every woman; it’s all in me” to give myself an extra boost of courage.

This reset could not have come at a better time, because I’m afforded some much-needed down time as I wait for my dissertation proposal to undergo review. Each day I’ll try to post some tidbit from the 31-Day Reset Challenge. If you’re interested in jumping in on the fun, sign up here while there’s still time to take the challenge for free.

Want to do the 31-Day Reset Challenge vicariously through me? Then stay tuned for updates! Follow me on Twitter on @ASwirlGirl or on Facebook at The Swirl World.

Join in the fray: What areas of your life need a “reset?” What practical steps are you taking to “reset” your life?

 

Come Wake Me Up

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I just sit in these flames,

            and pray that you’ll come back,

Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that

            I’m dreaming . . . Come wake me up.

 

 

 

The new Rascal Flatts’ CD has been in heavy rotation this week. I have very eclectic tastes in music, and my music tastes are as wide-ranging as my moods. Several of the songs are so good that I keep them on repeat while I’m driving – and for me, this repeat mode can last all day. #dontjudgeme

There’s a method to my madness: When a song is worthy of this highly concentrated repeat mode, it’s because I’m meditating on the words, extracting meanings and applications for my life, or even using the song to gauge how much I’ve advanced (or haven’t) in dealing with certain situations or emotions. Let me give you an example:

A “break up” song like Come Wake Me Up one has three cycles:

Stage 1: Tears are flowing; this song speaks the sentiments of my heart, blah, blah, blah. Pass the tissues, please.

Stage 2: I’ve passed through Stage 1, but the song is still too painful to listen to and can potentially put me back in Stage 1 if I’m not careful. *Skips the song on the CD*

Stage 3: The sound is turned up, and I’m singing along, hitting all the high notes. I’m happy as a clam because I’ve made it through the first two stages, and the fact that I’m enjoying the song lets me know that the heartbreak cycle is over.      

Today I’m adding a Stage 4: The words of the song give me a revelation.

Yes, I know the original meaning of Come Wake me Up is to convey that the singer wants his lost love to come and “wake him up” from the pain he’s experiencing at losing her. How many of us can relate to that??? The aftermath of a breakup is surreal; so much so that you sometimes want to pinch yourself and wonder if the fact that you and your S/O are no longer together has placed you in the Twilight Zone. Surely, surely you’re dreaming, and you want him or her to “come and wake you up.”

Break-ups are usually traumatic and emotionally draining, even when there’s no accompanying drama. Allowing yourself to go through a period of healthy introspection, evaluation, and release is a must. To each his own, but I don’t advocate jumping from one relationship immediately into another. Instead, face the pain. Get reacquainted with yourself. The same love that hurts is also the same love that heals. Once you direct love inward, towards you, at some point you’ll be again able to direct it outward, and hopefully this time towards someone who is worthy of that love.

 

So, let it hurt, because the good news is that you’ll find that you come to my Stage 4 epiphany, where Come Wake Me Up loses its negative connotation and becomes positive.  Come Wake Me Up is what your heart begins to sing to the  good guy out there; the one who makes himself emotionally available to give you the love that you need and deserve. The one who won’t take you for granted or abuse you, but will appreciate and cherish you. The one that you can give to without fear of exploitation, rejection, or desertion. A love that gives back. That’s the kind of love we all want. The kind of love that will come wake us up, and then say, “Come away with me.”

 

 

 

Join the fray: What area of your life need to wake up, and why?     

Testing . . . testing . . .

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Hi lads and lasses! Sorry for the delay on the blog. This past week saw both joy and sorry for my family as we celebrated two high school graduations and paid respects to a family member who passed away. Exhausting for sure, but necessary in all respects. I love my family!

Today I enter two weeks of comprehensive testing for my PhD program. Some of you didn’t know it, but A Swirl Girl is pursuing a doctorate in higher education administration. Needless to say, both Pandora and iTunes will be in HEAVY rotation for the next two weeks.

I’ll pop in and out when the spirit of procrastination comes on me. I’ll share some of the music I’m listening to, or maybe some quotes. I ask your patience as I go through this process. No heavy thinking for me – unless it’s pondering an exam question.

Say a prayer for me and wish me luck, people!

Join in the fray:

Is life sending any tests your way? Tell me about it – you know misery loves company! LOL


Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

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I was working on a paper the other day and channel-surfed to find the perfect background show. You know the kind I mean: The “mindless” program you leave running in the background while you do something that really uses your brain.

[Side note: I also listen to my favorite Pandora station at the same time. What can I say? I’m a multi-tasker to the nth degree.]

I landed on America’s Next Top Model (I have no idea what season) and decided to leave it there (that’s the only way I get to “see” it). I generally look up during the last 10 minutes or so of every program to give myself a break (and to watch the elimination – of course!).

Turns out I was on one of the final episodes where the remaining contestants had to do their Cover Girl commercials. They had a couple of scenarios to work with, but the bottom line was how well they could work the scenario and say, “Easy, breezy, beautiful, Cover Girl.”   

You have to ask yourself, How hard is that??? Surprisingly, it was very hard for some.

I sat there shaking my head and chuckling, when suddenly my mind wandered and I thought about SM. (I admit that my mind wanders in his direction most of the time – but I digress).

I thought about a trip we’d taken to Hilton Head to catch some beach and some sun. He had pounded on my door one morning at what seemed like the crack of dawn, Starbucks cup in hand.


[Side note: I have to digress here. This is a man who wherever we go, always locates the nearest Starbucks because he knows how much I love an extra hot caramel macchiato. I could go on and tell you that he also knows my exact recipe, but why bore you with those details? Suffice it to say that SM is a good man, and I know I’m blessed to have him in my life. I have a funny story about SM, me, and an empty Starbucks cup, but I’ll save it for another blog. *LOL* just thinking about it!]  

The sun was coming up, and SM wanted us to watch the sunrise together. It was nippy that time of morning, but he pulled the heavy comforter off my bed and wrapped us in it as we sat on the terrace facing the beach. Needless to say, it was a beautiful and glorious sight – and tears came to my eyes as I sat, months later, remembering that very special time.

It was warm enough a few hours later for us to walk along the edge of the beach and enjoy the feel of the sun on our faces and the sand between our toes. We laughed, talked, and held hands – an easy, breezy, beautiful summer morning.

I’m getting misty-eyed again recollecting that, because It occurs to me that just as we’d think it should be easy for a wanna-be model to say “Easy, breezy, beautiful” – it isn’t – and you know what? Relationships are the same way.

As I mature and grow in my relationship, I realize that every day is not easy, breezy, and beautiful. Life happens. Too much humidity? The “hair” of your relationship gets frizzy. The pressures of life can feel like sweltering heat – and all you want to do is escape. Sand gets in your eyes, and you cry. Cry hard enough, and you melt away your make up . . . and even if you cry just a little your mascara may run and you still wind up looking like a distant cousin to a raccoon.

We suffer setbacks and seeming reversals of fortune. We get the wind knocked out of us and we have to find a way to pick ourselves up. We misunderstand and get things wrong. We get hurt; we hurt others. We get offended; we offend each other.

I look at couples like my parents and others, married for 40, 50, and even 60-plus years, and ask them the secret of their longevity. They tell me traditional wedding vows they took covered those not so easy, not so breezy, and not so beautiful days. “Better . . . worse . . . Richer . . . poorer . . . sickness . . . health,” they said. On those not so beautiful days, and during those not so beautiful times, they determined that, in spite of it all, they would dig their heels in and remember their investment of time, and emotion. They chose to love him . . . love her. They let the fierce winds blow, and they allowed the rain to pummel them, but they didn’t let go.

Sitting here now, I think back on that episode of America’s Next Top Model and I celebrate. I celebrate relationships, and above all, I celebrate love.  

I muse on life, reminisce about that wonderful summer morning, and I smile.

“An investment in the emotional bank account,” is what SM called it.

I realize that the easy, breezy, beautiful days lay the foundation for the days and times ahead, and I smile. Easy, breezy, beautiful. It’s the stuff that my dreams now are made of.

Join in the fray:

How do you define “easy, breezy, and beautiful?”

Let the Good Times Roll! (2011 Festival International)

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This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the 2011 Festival International in Lafayette, Louisiana. This was the 25th year for this annual event and I had a BLAST! So many sights, sounds, colors, food, and people!

Here’s a blurb from the website (emphasis mine):

 “Festival International de Louisiane is truly a community event drawing together approximately 1,500 volunteers from all segments of the community to work together to celebrate both our diversity and the common human experience that binds us together. Through the arts presented and the joint efforts to produce it, the festival contributes to the spirit of community that is so unique to the Acadiana region.

The annual 5-day festival is held during the last full week of April. Historic downtown Lafayette, Louisiana, is transformed into an entertainment complex featuring six music stages, food court areas, street musicians and animators, arts and crafts boutiques, art galleries, beverage stands, cultural workshops, international cooking demonstrations and a world music store.

All programming for the festival is designed to celebrate cultural expression in a variety of forms and to encourage understanding and appreciation for different cultures. Festival International events are free to the public and designed to encourage family participation from all sectors of the community.”

Think about it: Five days FILLED with experiencing and celebrating diversity, community, the arts, cultural workshops, and international cooking???

I think you get the picture.

The Southwest region of Louisiana, also affectionately known as “Acadiana,” hosts annual festivals based on a variety of different themes and local specialties. For instance, Crowley, LA, known as “The Rice Capital of the World,” annually hosts the “International Rice Festival.” Rayne, LA (shout out!) boasts that it is “The Frog Capital of the World,” and correspondingly hosts annually the “International Frog Festival.”

[Sidebar: Any excuse to throw a party is better than none . . . .]

There was a ton of things to see and do so I was able to capture only a mere smidgeon of what the Festival offered. I hope you enjoy the photos and videos.

Upcoming Festival line up:

Festival Acadiens et Créoles – October 14-16, 2011

http://www.festivalsacadiens.com/index1.html

International Rice Festival – October 20-22, 2011

http://www.ricefestival.com/

International Frog Festival – November 9-13, 2011

http://www.raynefrogfestival.com/site/

Acadiana Film Festival – November 17-20

http://www.acadianafilm.org/festival/11/

I love festivals and cultural events, but I must say my love for this genre has increased since meeting my SM. He is a master at finding these events, researching the high lights, and making sure we capture the best and most essential parts. I can hear the wheels turning in SM’s head even from here. I’m a native Louisianan, but I can guarantee you that when it’s all said and done he’ll know much more about these festivals than I do. 

Avec SM, je peux vraiment laisser les bons moments de rouleau! 

(With SM, I can really let the good times roll!)

These sculptures were SO lifelike . . . .

  


Join in the fray:

How do you “let the good times roll?”

So lifelike . . . so eerie!

They stalk the streets . . . .

What fun!A little Mardi Gras flavor . . .

A few brave souls joined in the Indian dance . . .

Jump Day

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I came apart inside a world
Made of angry people
I found a boy who had a dream
Making everyone smile
He was sunshine
I fell over
My feet like bricks under water
And how am I supposed to tell you how I feel?
I need oxygen

Oh baby, if I was your lady
I will make you happy
I’m never gonna leave, never gonna leave
Oh baby, I would be your lady
I am going crazy…for you

And so I found a state of mind
Where I could be speechless
I had to try it for a while
To figure out this feeling
This felt so right
Pull me upside
Down to a place where you’ve been waiting
And how am I supposed to tell you how I feel?
I need oxygen

Oh baby, if I was your lady
I will make you happy
I’m never gonna leave, never gonna leave
Oh baby, I would be your lady
I am going crazy…for you

~Partial lyrics to Oxygen by Colbie Caillat & Jason Reeves

 

It was starting to get a tad bit late; more so for SM than me because of our one-hour time zone difference. All the conversations, e-mails, instant messages, and texts had come to a head, and we both sensed it.

SM, in his characteristically logical and sensible way, cut to the chase.

Him: “I’m really enjoying our friendship and I want to take it to a more serious level. Do you feel the same way?”

I’m not one to play games, so I met him head on.

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Him: “I know you’ve never dated a White guy, and I’ve never dated a Black woman before. We’ve talked about it, but now we need to decide if we want to move forward and take that step. Are you ready?”

It was time to put up or shut up.

Me: “I sure am!”

SM: “Well, how bout we just take a leap of faith, jump into the unknown, and see where we land?”

Me: “On the count of three . . . .  “

SM & Me: “One . . . two . . . three . . . .”

JUMP!

We didn’t just jump: We dove in.

We dove in feet first; with the abandon of children.

We jumped into a pool of uncertainty, determined to swim instead of sink. We believed our diverse backgrounds and open minds gave us an edge; how hard could it be? Knowing what we wanted helped and we believed we had found the one. Differences in skin color, race, ethnicity, and culture notwithstanding, we know what really mattered was the person underneath. We shared similar principles and values – and loved each other’s quirky sense of humor. We believed that life isn’t about the destination, it’s more about the journey – and we knew we wanted to travel through life together. We didn’t plan to face life head on; instead, life was going to face us.

Yesterday we celebrated the two-year anniversary of that fateful conversation. Since then, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve fought, negotiated, compromised, and made up. We’ve made each other almost as mad as we’ve ever been, and happier than we ever thought possible. We’ve navigated the dynamics associated with the meet and greets of family and friends, and braved (and returned) the stares whenever and wherever we encountered them. We’ve fielded questions (whether they made sense or not), and tried to be gracious when we received unsolicited advice (and believe you me, advice of the unsolicited variety abounds). We keep learning about ourselves, about life and people, and above all, each other.

He colors my world, and I color his. May our jump day never end!            


As time goes on
I realize
Just what you mean
To me
And now
Now that you’re near
Promise your love
That I’ve waited to share
And dreams
Of our moments together
Color my world with hope of loving you

~Lyrics to Color My World by Chicago, written by James Pankow

Join in the fray:

What pool have you “jumped” into?


Lovingly Submitted

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In the past couple of weeks I’ve been hearing news and  reading a lot of blogs about the anniversary of the Civil War.

 Of course I’m happy about the outcome. What Black person or person of color – particularly in the United States – wouldn’t be?

Black people have suffered a lot of drama and trauma since May 12-13, 1865, the date of the last reported battle of the War. On both sides soldiers shed a river of blood in that war which is quite a sobering thought, yet today in 2011 we have blowhards like Donald Trump believing he’s being broad-minded and a champion of the people when he makes really intelligent statements asserting that he “has a great relationship with the blacks.”

Sigh.

*_*

Sorry folks, I’m feeling some kinda way about that statement and just had to get that out.

On another note, what the talk of the Civil War anniversary really made me think about was the wonderfully compelling love story of Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving, who in June of 1958 decided to buck the tide of ignorance and racism and pursue their American dream, which was to spend their lives living and loving each other in holy (and legal) matrimony. They had to go to Washington, DC for the ceremony but were arrested in their own bedroom in the middle of the night by sheriff’s deputies for the “crime” of interracial marriage. 

Mildred Loving and her husband Richard P Loving are shown in this January 26, 1965 file photograph

The Lovings were prosecuted by the state and sentenced to a year in prison for their “crime” but allowed to leave Virginia in exile.  

They lived in exile, separated from their families and banished from the home state they loved, for five years and finally grew tired of the fact that they couldn’t live as a married couple in any state they wanted to live. They decided to fight back and in June of 1967, nine years to the month that they were married, in a landmark Supreme Court case they eventually won the right to live and live in marital bliss anywhere in the United States.     

Thankfully, I’m feeling some kinda way about that, too.

Richard and Mildred Loving - Love transcends race

Trump’s statement struck a nerve in me because it made me painfully aware of the fact that racism – whether inherent, overt or covert, real or imagined, never seems to be far from the surface. I’m grateful for the advances that have been made, yet I’m mindful of the fact that 1967 was only 44 years ago.

Yesterday (April 15, 2011) the world premiere of  The Loving Story, a documentary telling the story of Richard and Mildred, debuted at the 13th annual Full Frame Festival in Durham, NC.   

 Though the documentary tells the Lovings’ story of forbidden and what-was-then-illegal interracial love, it also explores the heavier themes of miscegenation and racism.

[Sidenote: Get ready for it (and go ahead and get over it): Those are themes we’ll discuss in upcoming blog posts. You have Donald Trump to thank for that – I had originally intended to keep this blog pretty light but his statement really made me feel some kinda way. Those posts will be lovingly submitted, of course.]

 The Loving’s story had a bittersweet ending. In 1975, 17 years after their marriage, Mildred Loving lost her husband Richard in a tragic car accident. Mildred died in 2008 but she never remarried, and in a statement issued on the 4oth anniversary of the historic Supreme Court decision (June 12, 2007 – the year before she died) she declared:

Richard and Mildred Loving - Reflecting a more perfect union

“ . . . not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the ‘wrong kind of person’ for me to marry.”

Today I thank God for Richard and Mildred Loving, and for them having a love for one another that transcended the climate and laws of their day. I thank God I live in a country where, like Mildred, I can freely choose the person I believe is the right person for me to marry. And, like Mildred, not a day goes by that I don’t think of SM and our love, our right to marry, and how much it means to me to have the freedom to marry the person most precious to me.

I like to think that God lovingly submitted SM to me – and me to him.

Join in the fray:

What has been “lovingly submitted” to you?


The Hair Thing (Part 1)

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shareasimageBEARD

I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong.

This isn’t about my hair; it’s about his. More specifically, his facial hair – or, in his case, the lack thereof.

It all started very early on during our “getting to know you” phase. One of my friends had sent one of those chain-letter-like e-mails where you read the sender’s responses to a series of questions about his/her tastes and preferences.

After reading the responses you erase them, fill in your own, and then return to send and forward to another friend who, like you, gets a ton of these chain-letter-like e-mails and probably finds them as annoying as you do.

(These e-mails annoy me but I vacillate between deleting them without even reading, or getting an evil pleasure out of filling ‘em out and clicking “forward” to my friends . . . .

Anyway, I thought this would be a good time to click forward . . . directly to SM. I put a spin on it: We’d answer them individually and then go over the responses together.

[Sidebar to the men: Was this a dorky thing to subject a guy to, an e-mail that probably made SM think “Shoot me – NOW!” when it landed in his inbox? Of course! Lucky for me, SM is an easy-going guy and finds humor in almost anything – including humoring me. Am I equally as easy-going and do I humor him? Of course! Do I know how blessed and fortunate I am to have him? Of course! I. Know. That. Did you even have to ask???]

Back to my original point: One of the questions was:

Rank in order of preference: (1) Beard. (2) Mustache. (3) Neither! Ewww!

My response:

(1)    Beard. (2) Mustache. (3) Neither! Ewww!

When we got to this question, SM said, “Really???”

“Of course! I think beards are sexy” I said. “Have you ever worn one?”

“Yeah – when I was in college. I think a lot of guys went through that experimental mustache/beard/facial hair stage. I even let my hair grow long.”

I tried to imagine my squeaky-clean-close-shaven SM with a beard and a pony tail. Couldn’t do it.

Instead, I asked, “What do you think about it now? A beard, I mean.”

“Oh, Sure! I’ll grow one so you can see what I look like.”

I grinned at the prospect. SM is already a hunky piece of eye candy, and with a beard?

Somebody better call God – ‘cause He’s missing an angel.

If being gorgeous was a crime, SM would be guilty as charged.

If SM were words on a page, he would be what they call The Fine Print.

If SM . . . No need for E.L.M.O. You get the point. (cheezin)

“Of course, if I have to meet with a client, then the beard comes off.”

SCREECH!

“Huh? Wha?” I asked. “Why???”

“In my line of work it’s just not done. My clients are ultra-conservative so a beard is not a good look.”

I understood, but I was crushed.

I read an article that stated that well over 90% of African American and Hispanic men wear some form of facial hair, be it a mustache or beard. However, Caucasian men fall in the opposite end of the spectrum with less than 10% sporting facial hair – and Asian men even less.

I’m intrigued. Wearing facial hair (or not wearing it) is obviously a cultural thing – but why?

I had to look at the concept of culture a bit more closely.

Hallett states that culture is inclusive of “espoused beliefs, ideologies, stories, myths, rituals, ceremonies, and artifacts.” Nietzsche defines culture as “the unified artistic style in all of the life expressions of a people.”

Other aspects of the definition of culture may be applied to cultures such as those found in Africa. In his landmark book, Non-Western Educational Traditions: Indigenous Approaches to Educational Thought and Practice, Reagan states that culture is “an inextricable and essential component” of an individual’s identity, and the corresponding societal fabric.

So, if all these high-falutin’ definitions are accurate (and I believe they are – they definitely make sense) SM’s not wearing facial hair is just as integral to him as my two brothers’ mustaches are to them.

Realizing that something as small and innocuous as a beard or mustache made a huge statement about ethnic culture was revelatory to me, and I’m so glad it happened in the early stages of our relationship. It caused us to examine each other a bit more closely and not take even the most superficial things for granted, thus enabling us to appreciate each other so much more.

Yes, SM is uber-hawt in a beard (Is it hot in here, or is it just me looking at SM in his beard?). As a matter of fact, he’s uber-hawt with or without one – and I get to drown in all that hawtness either way.

And me? I just got another chain-letter-like e-mail, and I’m forwarding it to SM . . . .

 

Join in the fray:

(1) Beard. (2) Mustache. (3) Neither?

Copyright © 2011, © 2015 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™,  All rights reserved. Photo property of The Swirl World™.