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#18 | What Do You Think?

January 18, 2015 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

shareasimageCarmenB18F

So, what thoughts dominate your mind?

Do you consider yourself a “positive thinker,” or do you tend to view life from a more pessimistic view?

Sometimes we wonder why our lives veer along certain paths; why things don’t seem to go the way we want them to.

I dare say our “thought life” exerts a direct bearing on the level of success or failure we experience.

What do you think?

—

The Swirl World Team is committed to sharing 365 days of inspiration in 2015. Our goal is to help you stay motivated and inspired by bringing you positive, uplifting images and corresponding thoughts.

If you’d like to share your photos, please send them to InspirationDaily@TheSwirlWorld.com. We’d love to feature YOU in one of our Inspiration Daily posts!

 

Copyright ©2015  Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™,  The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, All rights reserved. Photo Copyright ©2015 Carmen Bourque, used with permission.

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Filed Under: Inspiration Daily 2015, Soulful Sunday, Uncategorized Tagged With: Carmen Bourque, positive, positive change, positive energy, positive thinking, positive thoughts, think, thought life, thoughts

How We Handle the Tough Road: Gene-Leigh and Seth

January 31, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

Seth kisses his bride Gene-Leigh

Seth kisses his bride Gene-Leigh

Those of us who are in the Swirling lifestyle know that there always someone ready to rain on your interracial parade. When I interviewed Gene-Leigh, I asked her: Did you two have any issues regarding your relationship, either from you, your families, or outsiders?

Here, Gene-Leigh candidly shares a few of her and Seth’s experiences.

Seth’s Eye-Opening Experience

Seth recently went through an episode at work where during the course of a conversation with another worker, the person made a racially disparaging remark.  When he came home that night, I could tell that something was weighing heavy on him.  He told me the story, and I sat quietly and listened attentively to him.  As a Black person, what he told me didn’t surprise me at all.  But he was shaken completely to his core because the person who made the remarks was someone he KNEW–and he had no idea the person felt that way about Black people.

The one thing he weighed on him the most was that he was too shocked to respond: “In that second, I felt like I wasn’t defending us.  I felt like I was letting us down.  I was shocked into silence.”

Gene-Leigh’s Response 

I comforted him, and assured him that I was just glad he didn’t give the guy a taste of his fist. My Seth is a gentle giant—-he’s built like a linebacker, and can hoist me around the house on a good day. I didn’t want him to get written up at the job.

I didn’t think Seth was letting us down by not responding–how do you respond to something like that when you’ve never had to DEAL with something like that?  Understand this, readers: Swirling can be tough not only on Black women, but also on our mates.  They are possibly exposing themselves to situations they have never experienced before as non-Black men.  Seth was shocked into SILENCE (which is saying a LOT—he’s an ex-punk rocker after all, NOTHING shocks those guys).

Seth looked at me and said: “I didn’t know people were still that way.  I didn’t know people thought like that.”  I told him that there will ALWAYS be people who think and act that way, because there always have been—-I’ve been through it my entire life.  I think after that incident he saw me and my life experiences with new eyes.

Seth’s Facebook Encounter

A few weeks later, Seth got into a small disagreement with someone he was Facebook friends with because the woman and her husband dressed their (white) son up in Blackface and a dread-locked wig to resemble his favorite baseball player at Halloween.  Of all of the comments, Seth was the only person who questioned if the costume wasn’t offensive to some degree.  The guy blew up, and defended his decision, saying “My kid really idolizes this guy and the player had no problem with it,” which we both knew was a lie.

All Seth could do was stare open-mouthed at the screen.  He turned to me and said: “How can he think that’s okay?  Is he nuts?”  I smiled, kissed him and gave him a hug.  What else could I do?  Sure it was wrong (I mean he MIGHT have slid by with dressing the kid in only the wig–but BLACKFACE?). I know people can’t always understand what they don’t live.  Seth has learned that challenging someone’s belief systems surrounding race can be dangerous.

Haterade from Black Men . . . .

One time when we were in the grocery store once I got hit on by this guy in the jelly aisle (seriously???). Seth was further down the aisle picking up bread.  It’s amazing (but not surprising) to me the assumptions people have about others, because the whole time this guy was hitting on me (as I did my best to ignore him) he had no clue my husband was a few feet from me (Seth knew full well what was going on, we’d played this game with people before, and if I was in ANY trouble he would have come to my rescue–but I’m a pretty tough chick).

It wasn’t until I said: “Baby, do you want grape or strawberry?” and Seth answered with “Peach” did the guy get the clue. I gave the guy the sweetest smile, and held up my left hand with my diamond-encrusted wedding ring before saying, “Sorry.”  And what did I get?  A look of the utmost contempt from the guy before he stormed off.

. . . and from Black Women

We’ve also gotten nasty little barbs of insults from Black women who feel that our relationship is less than valid because we happen to be different races.  One girl pointed at us in Sam’s Club and said, “There’s yet ANOTHER one,” before rolling her eyes in disgust (personally I was more disgusted that her ‘man’ couldn’t seem to keep his pants up and I had to catch a glimpse of his Spongebob boxers–but I digress). o_O

Why Gene-Leigh and Seth Shake the Haters

My husband is an awesome man.  I’m not just saying that because he’s my husband, I’m saying that because it is the unmitigated truth.  Why?  Well, primarily because he puts up with me and my various eccentricities without so much as batting an eyelash (“Okay, Gene, okay, I’ll take the laundry down and kill the spider . . . .). He goes out of his way to make me feel completely and totally beautiful, special, and worth it (he once drove out of his way in an ice storm to bring me roses).  He’s brought a measure of joy to my life that I never thought possible, and while we can both annoy the hell out of each other (“Dammit Seth I just cleaned the kitchen and NOW you want to eat!”) I can’t see spending my life with another person.

So why, pray tell if we are so happy and so loving and caring are there people who want to destroy that based on something as superficial as race?  Why should my happiness be tamped down, questioned, and doubted because my husband isn’t the same color that I am?  I wish I knew the answers to my questions, but as Bob Dylan sang, “The answer my friends, is blowin’ in the wind.”  We’ve had our share of doubters—-a few family members, one friend, and other complete strangers we don’t know—-but it hasn’t shaken how much we love each other.  As a matter of fact, it brings us closer together.

Join in the Fray: Has the Swirling road been tough for you? In what ways?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: Guest Blog, NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black, Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, dating, Facebook, Family, guest, guest blog, guest blogger, guest post, hate, interracial, interracial couple, interracial dating, interracial love, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, interracial romance, love, NaBloPoMo, opposition, positive, swirl, swirling, white

Words of Wisdom from A Married Girl in a Weird World

January 23, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

We love, love, LOVE blogger and vlogger Eugenia Berg – aka Married Girl in a Weird World.

Eugenia is happily and interracially married. She and her hubby are expecting Baby Berg later this year!

Today’s Subject: There IS a Difference!

Today, Eugenia discusses the reality of self sabotage in today’s vlog. Psychology Today defines self sabotage as behavior that “creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.” Eugenia provides examples of this behavior taken from the best source possible – her own life.

According to Eugenia, there is a difference between self-sabotage and vetting. She asks, “Do you understand what it is?” Eugenia has written two other blogs pertaining to self-sabotage and vulnerability in relationships. You can find those blogs here, and here.

STOP SELF SABOTAGE

For a complete mini workshop on the subject of self sabotage, I invite you to read Eugenia’s two blogs and listen to her vlog.

After you read the blogs and listen to the video, feel free to ask Eugenia any questions you like.

In the meantime, listen and learn, people.

Listen, and learn.

Join in the Fray: In what ways have you engaged in self sabotaging behavior?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Guest Blog, NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: attitude, Black, Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, Eugenia Berg, guest blog, guest blogger, interracial, interracial marriage, interracial relationship, love, Married Girl in a Weird World, NaBloPoMo, negative, positive, relationship, Relationships, self sabotage, swirling

How to Be Present and Accounted For

January 22, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

PRESENT 3

I’m always on the look out for a great quote. I saw a wonderful one yesterday (there was no attribute; else I would cite it).

The quote said this:

“Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.”

“Invest your energy in the positive present moment.”

Don’t you just love that?

Sadly, the vast majority of us ( me included) spend too much time reflecting on the past or planning for the future. How much time and energy do we really spend, not just enjoying the moment, but the positive present moment? Seeing the negative things in our lives and in our immediate environment is easy. Shucks, it’s almost like those negative things cry out to us and demand our attention. You know; the rude clerk who makes a point of letting you know that yes, she really is being nasty. The overly critical co-worker who is determined to not only pooh-pooh all your ideas in the team meeting, but believes it is her life mission to show you up in front of the boss. And you certainly don’t want to forget last night’s argument with your significant other (the replay of which is playing over and over and over in your head), or the fact that your sister gets. on. your. last, nerve. with all her incessant complaining and you really wish you knew how to tell her to just stop it.  

Awareness of all those negative things is almost like breathing, right?  How about we strive to cultivate a similar awareness – no, an overriding awareness – of the positive things all around us?

So, instead of regarding the sound of the Starbucks coffee grinder as invasive and loud, I anticipate the rich, intoxicating smell of fresh ground coffee beans that will follow. I look out the window and embrace the bright sunshine, especially when I remember that just a few short days ago we endured a week’s worth of rain and flooding. Sure, that little boy is running all over the store and he probably needs his mother to corral him, but he has the most lush, curly eyelashes, and a sweet, mischievous grin. Instead of frowning, I smile at his mother and tell her that her boots are to die for, and that her son is The Cuteness.

Yes, all the negative things in my life are there, somewhere on the edges of my mind. I push them farther away, and then decide to banish them totally. The rambunctious little boy looks like he has decided he wants to chat with me, and even sit in my lap. I quickly close my laptop and put it away. I want to give him my full attention as he shows me the lights on his tennis shoes and then plays with my rings.

He grins at me; pleased at my oohs and aahs. I grin back. I’m present and accounted for. I made the conscious decision to invest my energy in squeezing all the goodness out of this moment, and it’s paying me back.

In this moment, life is good – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Join in the Fray: What can you do to be present and accounted for? 

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

 

 

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: atmosphere, Black, Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, business, clerk, coworker, DPchallenge, energy, environment, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, job, love, meeting, NaBloPoMo, negative, positive, quotes, rude, rudeness, swirling, team

How to Successfully Navigate Change

November 8, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 6 Comments

Ever had things not go your way? I think it’s safe to say that today a large number of people would nod their heads and say, “Heck yeah!”

Well, as much as politics is on everyone’s mind, I’m really not speaking of politics. I’m simply speaking of this thing called life – where fortunes can be made and lost overnight, love can wax and wane, and a person can be here today and gone tomorrow.

Life – and time – brings about changes, and depending on the hand we are dealt in any given situation, we will view these changes as positive or negative. Lord knows I’ve experienced some exhilarating highs and crushing lows in my life. Despite the lows, I’m a firm believer in the importance of maintaining a positive outlook.

Wanna navigate change positively and effectively? Take note of what you’re building.

 

Join in the Fray: How do you respond when change hits your life?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

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Filed Under: Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: adapt, adjust, Blog, BlogHer, change, NaBloPoMo, negative, November, positive, windmill

How to Move Forward

November 7, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. This is true in more than just politics – it’s true for every aspect of life.

Regardless of the outcomes we experience in politics, life, and love, I believe that the key to moving forward rests on whether we understand and believe this:

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.

Join in the Fray: When has exhibiting a positive outlook helped you to move forward?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging everyday in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

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Filed Under: Series, Special Tagged With: Fray, life, love, move forward, NaBloPoMo, negative, politics, positive

Come Wake Me Up

June 21, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 10 Comments

I just sit in these flames,

            and pray that you’ll come back,

Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that

            I’m dreaming . . . Come wake me up.

 

 

 

The new Rascal Flatts’ CD has been in heavy rotation this week. I have very eclectic tastes in music, and my music tastes are as wide-ranging as my moods. Several of the songs are so good that I keep them on repeat while I’m driving – and for me, this repeat mode can last all day. #dontjudgeme

There’s a method to my madness: When a song is worthy of this highly concentrated repeat mode, it’s because I’m meditating on the words, extracting meanings and applications for my life, or even using the song to gauge how much I’ve advanced (or haven’t) in dealing with certain situations or emotions. Let me give you an example:

A “break up” song like Come Wake Me Up one has three cycles:

Stage 1: Tears are flowing; this song speaks the sentiments of my heart, blah, blah, blah. Pass the tissues, please.

Stage 2: I’ve passed through Stage 1, but the song is still too painful to listen to and can potentially put me back in Stage 1 if I’m not careful. *Skips the song on the CD*

Stage 3: The sound is turned up, and I’m singing along, hitting all the high notes. I’m happy as a clam because I’ve made it through the first two stages, and the fact that I’m enjoying the song lets me know that the heartbreak cycle is over.      

Today I’m adding a Stage 4: The words of the song give me a revelation.

Yes, I know the original meaning of Come Wake me Up is to convey that the singer wants his lost love to come and “wake him up” from the pain he’s experiencing at losing her. How many of us can relate to that??? The aftermath of a breakup is surreal; so much so that you sometimes want to pinch yourself and wonder if the fact that you and your S/O are no longer together has placed you in the Twilight Zone. Surely, surely you’re dreaming, and you want him or her to “come and wake you up.”

Break-ups are usually traumatic and emotionally draining, even when there’s no accompanying drama. Allowing yourself to go through a period of healthy introspection, evaluation, and release is a must. To each his own, but I don’t advocate jumping from one relationship immediately into another. Instead, face the pain. Get reacquainted with yourself. The same love that hurts is also the same love that heals. Once you direct love inward, towards you, at some point you’ll be again able to direct it outward, and hopefully this time towards someone who is worthy of that love.

 

So, let it hurt, because the good news is that you’ll find that you come to my Stage 4 epiphany, where Come Wake Me Up loses its negative connotation and becomes positive.  Come Wake Me Up is what your heart begins to sing to the  good guy out there; the one who makes himself emotionally available to give you the love that you need and deserve. The one who won’t take you for granted or abuse you, but will appreciate and cherish you. The one that you can give to without fear of exploitation, rejection, or desertion. A love that gives back. That’s the kind of love we all want. The kind of love that will come wake us up, and then say, “Come away with me.”

 

 

 

Join the fray: What area of your life need to wake up, and why?     

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Black, breakup, hurt, interracial, interracial relationships, lost, love, Music, negative, Norah Jones, positive, Rascal Flatts, Twilight Zone, Wake Me Up, white

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Welcome!

I’m Michelle Matthews-Calloway, and I’m A Swirl Girl! Greetings to you from The Swirl World. We encourage Black women to expand their relationship options by dating and marrying interracially. Our overarching mission is to see Black Women live their best life. Come Swirl with us in The Swirl World™, where we celebrate Black women and the diverse men who love us!™

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