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The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


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Words of Wisdom from A Married Girl in a Weird World

January 23, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

We love, love, LOVE blogger and vlogger Eugenia Berg – aka Married Girl in a Weird World.

Eugenia is happily and interracially married. She and her hubby are expecting Baby Berg later this year!

Today’s Subject: There IS a Difference!

Today, Eugenia discusses the reality of self sabotage in today’s vlog. Psychology Today defines self sabotage as behavior that “creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.” Eugenia provides examples of this behavior taken from the best source possible – her own life.

According to Eugenia, there is a difference between self-sabotage and vetting. She asks, “Do you understand what it is?” Eugenia has written two other blogs pertaining to self-sabotage and vulnerability in relationships. You can find those blogs here, and here.

STOP SELF SABOTAGE

For a complete mini workshop on the subject of self sabotage, I invite you to read Eugenia’s two blogs and listen to her vlog.

After you read the blogs and listen to the video, feel free to ask Eugenia any questions you like.

In the meantime, listen and learn, people.

Listen, and learn.

Join in the Fray: In what ways have you engaged in self sabotaging behavior?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Guest Blog, NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: attitude, Black, Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, Eugenia Berg, guest blog, guest blogger, interracial, interracial marriage, interracial relationship, love, Married Girl in a Weird World, NaBloPoMo, negative, positive, relationship, Relationships, self sabotage, swirling

How to Be Present and Accounted For

January 22, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

PRESENT 3

I’m always on the look out for a great quote. I saw a wonderful one yesterday (there was no attribute; else I would cite it).

The quote said this:

“Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.”

“Invest your energy in the positive present moment.”

Don’t you just love that?

Sadly, the vast majority of us ( me included) spend too much time reflecting on the past or planning for the future. How much time and energy do we really spend, not just enjoying the moment, but the positive present moment? Seeing the negative things in our lives and in our immediate environment is easy. Shucks, it’s almost like those negative things cry out to us and demand our attention. You know; the rude clerk who makes a point of letting you know that yes, she really is being nasty. The overly critical co-worker who is determined to not only pooh-pooh all your ideas in the team meeting, but believes it is her life mission to show you up in front of the boss. And you certainly don’t want to forget last night’s argument with your significant other (the replay of which is playing over and over and over in your head), or the fact that your sister gets. on. your. last, nerve. with all her incessant complaining and you really wish you knew how to tell her to just stop it.  

Awareness of all those negative things is almost like breathing, right?  How about we strive to cultivate a similar awareness – no, an overriding awareness – of the positive things all around us?

So, instead of regarding the sound of the Starbucks coffee grinder as invasive and loud, I anticipate the rich, intoxicating smell of fresh ground coffee beans that will follow. I look out the window and embrace the bright sunshine, especially when I remember that just a few short days ago we endured a week’s worth of rain and flooding. Sure, that little boy is running all over the store and he probably needs his mother to corral him, but he has the most lush, curly eyelashes, and a sweet, mischievous grin. Instead of frowning, I smile at his mother and tell her that her boots are to die for, and that her son is The Cuteness.

Yes, all the negative things in my life are there, somewhere on the edges of my mind. I push them farther away, and then decide to banish them totally. The rambunctious little boy looks like he has decided he wants to chat with me, and even sit in my lap. I quickly close my laptop and put it away. I want to give him my full attention as he shows me the lights on his tennis shoes and then plays with my rings.

He grins at me; pleased at my oohs and aahs. I grin back. I’m present and accounted for. I made the conscious decision to invest my energy in squeezing all the goodness out of this moment, and it’s paying me back.

In this moment, life is good – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Join in the Fray: What can you do to be present and accounted for? 

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

 

 

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Uncategorized Tagged With: atmosphere, Black, Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, business, clerk, coworker, DPchallenge, energy, environment, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, job, love, meeting, NaBloPoMo, negative, positive, quotes, rude, rudeness, swirling, team

How to Successfully Navigate Change

November 8, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 6 Comments

Ever had things not go your way? I think it’s safe to say that today a large number of people would nod their heads and say, “Heck yeah!”

Well, as much as politics is on everyone’s mind, I’m really not speaking of politics. I’m simply speaking of this thing called life – where fortunes can be made and lost overnight, love can wax and wane, and a person can be here today and gone tomorrow.

Life – and time – brings about changes, and depending on the hand we are dealt in any given situation, we will view these changes as positive or negative. Lord knows I’ve experienced some exhilarating highs and crushing lows in my life. Despite the lows, I’m a firm believer in the importance of maintaining a positive outlook.

Wanna navigate change positively and effectively? Take note of what you’re building.

 

Join in the Fray: How do you respond when change hits your life?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

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Filed Under: Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: adapt, adjust, Blog, BlogHer, change, NaBloPoMo, negative, November, positive, windmill

How to Move Forward

November 7, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. This is true in more than just politics – it’s true for every aspect of life.

Regardless of the outcomes we experience in politics, life, and love, I believe that the key to moving forward rests on whether we understand and believe this:

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.

Join in the Fray: When has exhibiting a positive outlook helped you to move forward?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging everyday in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

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Filed Under: Series, Special Tagged With: Fray, life, love, move forward, NaBloPoMo, negative, politics, positive

Come Wake Me Up

June 21, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 10 Comments

I just sit in these flames,

            and pray that you’ll come back,

Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that

            I’m dreaming . . . Come wake me up.

 

 

 

The new Rascal Flatts’ CD has been in heavy rotation this week. I have very eclectic tastes in music, and my music tastes are as wide-ranging as my moods. Several of the songs are so good that I keep them on repeat while I’m driving – and for me, this repeat mode can last all day. #dontjudgeme

There’s a method to my madness: When a song is worthy of this highly concentrated repeat mode, it’s because I’m meditating on the words, extracting meanings and applications for my life, or even using the song to gauge how much I’ve advanced (or haven’t) in dealing with certain situations or emotions. Let me give you an example:

A “break up” song like Come Wake Me Up one has three cycles:

Stage 1: Tears are flowing; this song speaks the sentiments of my heart, blah, blah, blah. Pass the tissues, please.

Stage 2: I’ve passed through Stage 1, but the song is still too painful to listen to and can potentially put me back in Stage 1 if I’m not careful. *Skips the song on the CD*

Stage 3: The sound is turned up, and I’m singing along, hitting all the high notes. I’m happy as a clam because I’ve made it through the first two stages, and the fact that I’m enjoying the song lets me know that the heartbreak cycle is over.      

Today I’m adding a Stage 4: The words of the song give me a revelation.

Yes, I know the original meaning of Come Wake me Up is to convey that the singer wants his lost love to come and “wake him up” from the pain he’s experiencing at losing her. How many of us can relate to that??? The aftermath of a breakup is surreal; so much so that you sometimes want to pinch yourself and wonder if the fact that you and your S/O are no longer together has placed you in the Twilight Zone. Surely, surely you’re dreaming, and you want him or her to “come and wake you up.”

Break-ups are usually traumatic and emotionally draining, even when there’s no accompanying drama. Allowing yourself to go through a period of healthy introspection, evaluation, and release is a must. To each his own, but I don’t advocate jumping from one relationship immediately into another. Instead, face the pain. Get reacquainted with yourself. The same love that hurts is also the same love that heals. Once you direct love inward, towards you, at some point you’ll be again able to direct it outward, and hopefully this time towards someone who is worthy of that love.

 

So, let it hurt, because the good news is that you’ll find that you come to my Stage 4 epiphany, where Come Wake Me Up loses its negative connotation and becomes positive.  Come Wake Me Up is what your heart begins to sing to the  good guy out there; the one who makes himself emotionally available to give you the love that you need and deserve. The one who won’t take you for granted or abuse you, but will appreciate and cherish you. The one that you can give to without fear of exploitation, rejection, or desertion. A love that gives back. That’s the kind of love we all want. The kind of love that will come wake us up, and then say, “Come away with me.”

 

 

 

Join the fray: What area of your life need to wake up, and why?     

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Black, breakup, hurt, interracial, interracial relationships, lost, love, Music, negative, Norah Jones, positive, Rascal Flatts, Twilight Zone, Wake Me Up, white

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Welcome!

I’m Michelle Matthews-Calloway, and I’m A Swirl Girl! Greetings to you from The Swirl World. We encourage Black women to expand their relationship options by dating and marrying interracially. Our overarching mission is to see Black Women live their best life. Come Swirl with us in The Swirl World™, where we celebrate Black women and the diverse men who love us!™

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