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#130| Primary Relationship

May 11, 2015 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

“My primary relationship is with myself—all others are mirrors of it” ~Shakti

It’s perfectly ok to put yourself first.

Not in the sense of being insensitive or selfish.

Rather, in the sense of understanding that if you don’t get you on point, if you’re not happy with who you are, all other relationships and interactions with others will suffer.

Your primary responsibility is to be the best you that you can be.

When that happens, everyone in your sphere reaps the benefit.

A win-win!

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Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 5 (Final Day)

August 19, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles – Free Digital Photos

Friday was the last day of Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. I finished the challenge as scheduled, but after a weekend of dinners out and attending the Delcambre Shrimp Festival (more details on that later this week) I’m just getting around to posting the final installment.

This was Friday’s Challenge:

Challenge: Say “thanks” (for everything)

Today, try saying “thank you” for everything.

Say it to your spouse who makes you wait for dinner. Say it to the cashier who moves too slow. Say it to your late lunch appointment or the call center operator who keeps putting you on hold. Say it to God for every inconvenience that causes you to grow.

Say “thank you.” Don’t just think it or tell it to yourself. Actually speak the words — and mean them.

Be grateful for the moments that slow you down, the ones that cause you to take your time. Use these opportunities to appreciate what you already have and tend to miss. As you do, see how much better life looks, and actually is, when you approach it with gratitude.

I’m happy to say this Challenge was particularly easy for me because I long ago began cultivating the habit of saying “Thank you” for just about everything. I do it so often it has become second nature – and I sometimes even feel self-conscious for saying it because some people seem so surprised when they hear those words.

I do my best to maintain “an attitude of gratitude,” although I’ll be the first to admit it isn’t always easy. Nevertheless, I make a conscious effort to push back feelings of self-pity because I don’t want to be that person:

The “Debbie Downer” who always sees the glass half empty – and tries to make everyone else see it that way, too
The person you hate to ask “How are you doing” because they’ll probably tell you – and it won’t be anything good
The Perpetual Complainer who never seems to be satisfied
The Total Ingrate

One has to simply flip on the news or check a Twitter or Facebook feed to realize things could always be worse. There are a million-and-one places we could be (dodging bullets and explosions resulting from civil unrest; on the starving end of a famine, in a country where clean – much less running – water is rare, just to name a few).

For the myriad of things that could be wrong with my life, so much of it is right. For all the things that could be better, so much of it is good.

For this, I am grateful.

And I’m happy to say, “Thank you.”

Join in the Fray: What are you grateful for? To whom do you need to say, “Thank you?”

I participated in and blogged about Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 4

August 15, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 7 Comments

Ah, interruptions.

Those pesky little things that happen to probably everyone – and of course they happen whether you want them to or not.

Today Jeff talked about interruptions, and asked us to look at them from a different perspective:

Instead of calling interruptions “pesky” (the way I just did!) look at them as opportunities for growth.

This was today’s challenge:

Challenge: Let go

When we try to control everything, when we plan every last minute of the day, we get mad when life throws a wrench into the plans. When the hotwater heater breaks. When your kid gets the flu. When your boss has an unexpected “favor” to ask.

But what if we expected these interruptions? What if we counted on them and decided ahead of time who we were going to be in these instances?

Here’s your challenge:

Decide ahead of time what you will do WHEN you get interrupted today. You don’t have to let everyone steal your time, but choose your response before it happens.
Block out some time to spend with a person who usually interrupts you. Call her just to chat; if this person is local, ask her to lunch.
When an interruption occurs, welcome it. Look for what you can learn from the experience, and don’t get annoyed. Instead, embrace this as a chance to grow.

I decided ahead of time that I was going to smile and try to be as pleasant as I could whenever an interruption came.

A by-product of that decision was being secretly amused by the knowledge that I was, in fact, welcoming interruptions and not viewing them as “pesky.”

It worked great! I had more conversations today, and I believe I laughed even more than I normally do.

“Pesky” is good!

Join in the Fray: How do you handle interruptions?

I’m blogging every day this week in Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 3

August 14, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

I had to chuckle when today’s email for Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge entitled “The Myth of Multitasking.”

This was the Challenge:

Challenge: Focus

What if today you stopped trying to fit more things into smaller blocks of time and instead took your time trying to do fewer things? How much better could you do your work and how much more present to it would you be?

That’s what we’re going to do today: we’re going to try to focus. Here’s your assignment:

Pick one task you need to accomplish today; write it down.
Also, list the distractions that stand in your way.
Share your list with one person who can hold you accountable.
As you work, glance at your list and remind yourself what really matters.
Try turning off your phone or other pieces of technology. Leave it in the other room and see how much better your work is when you can focus.

I chuckled because today was an editorial deadline day – two days ago. I’d circled on my August calendar the deadlines from the July issue – and I was two days behind. Here I was thinking Thursday the 15th was my due date when my actual due date was Monday the 12th.

Oops!

Gah!

Talk about needing to focus!

Thankfully, much of my work was done and only needed fine-tuning, yet I had not even begun one of the biggest writing assignments that was due.

After I got over the initial shock, I set a tight deadline to get it everything completed.

The only way to get it done was to focus.

Jeff’s exercise pretty much fit the way I had to conduct my day if I intended to complete my tasks.

I put my shoulder to the editorial wheel and dug in.

Thankfully, despite a few interruptions here and here, I was able to get it all in.

Whew!

I’d like to think that the principle of focusing – and accompanying success – can be applied to any aspect of our lives.

Want to complete something and do it well?

Focus.

Want a new relationship – or spice up the one you have?

Focus.

Hmmmm . . . .

Join in the Fray: In what areas of your life do you need to focus?

I’m blogging every day this week in Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 2

August 13, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

So yesterday I mentioned blogger and author Jeff Goins over at Goins Writer issued a “Slow Down” Challenge.

This is Day 2 of the Challenge. Today’s challenge from Jeff:

Challenge: Savor

Take your time with food today. If you’re the one who cooks in your home, spend more than the minimum amount of time preparing the meal. Slowly cut and cook each ingredient, imagining what they will taste like when blended.

When you eat, chew slowly. Make each bite intentional and deliberate, counting to at least 20 before swallowing. As you do, remember to appreciate and enjoy all the flavors in the food. And above all, remember to smile between bites.

Why This Worked Especially Well For Me

Many of you know that I’ve been doing a “Vegetarian ‘Till 6:00,” which is an adaptation of Mark Bittman’s Vegan Before 6:00. I’d already been trying to make sure I slowed down to eat, taking tiny bites so I could enjoy the flavors of the increased number of fruits and vegetables I’ve been eating.

Yesterday I enjoyed a “Meatless Monday,” and today was no different when I went home for lunch. I didn’t have anything fancy; just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (I’ve gotten in the habit of eating one almost every day; usually for breakfast).

I deeply inhaled the smell of the peanuts and marvelled at how sweet the jelly smelled. I cut my sandwich on the diagonal, the way I always do. I enjoyed the sensation of the peanut butter sticking to the roof of my mouth – just like I used to do when I was a kid.

I’m reading Six Days by Harlen Coben, and when I “read for lunch” I normally multitask and read while I eat. Today, however, I didn’t pick up my book until after I’d finished eating – and even then, I sat still and just enjoyed the silence for five minutes before starting to read.

Several people came across my consciousness as I sat there in the silence; some experiencing different forms of bereavement, others who anticipated new ventures; my two brothers who have birthdays this month.

I said a prayer for each of them, and asked God to meet them at the point of their need. I experienced a quiet, peaceful lunch and was ready to go back and face the remainder of my work day.

Even now, I sit in quiet contemplation as I type this. I’m savoring a piece of colby-jack cheese that I placed on a saucer of a set of dishes that my Mother gave me when I moved here.

I’ll admit it: The dishes are not even remotely my taste. Yet they make me smile every time I use them, if for no other reason than the fact that they are so like my Mother and so unlike me – and I’m good with that.

I smile, and think about my wonderful, dear Mother.

I savor not only the cheese, but the moment.

Join in the Fray: What moments are you “savoring?”

I’m blogging every day this week in Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

How Acute Is Your Pain? – Part 1

July 1, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

So here we are in July! I’m ready to tackle this Blogher NaBloPoMo challenge so let’s get to it!

One of the things we’re discussing in my Business Ignition Boot Camp is the concept of needs.

Chronic Need

What do people need? Is the need a chronic one – something they know they should get/have/do. It’s that nagging thing in the back of their mind; the thing they need to address if they want that need met. The fact that the need is “ever-present” makes it chronic. (You know – the classic “dripping faucet.”)

Acute Pain

At what point does the need become acute? It becomes acute when it causes them pain – when they can no longer ignore it. The pain can be emotional, physical, financial – you tell me. The need has to be addressed, resolved, solved. (Think: The dripping faucet is now a steady stream that is adding a couple of hundred dollars per month to the water bill. Oh yes – that’s painful).

Passion

There’s also the concept of passion, where the need is neither chronic nor acutely painful. Passion occurs when you tip toe through the tulips with no stress – you basically do whatever it is you’re doing because you want to and because you love to do it. (This is Nirvana, if you will; the ideal state. We’ll get to that later in the month).

For the next several days – maybe the rest of the week – we’re going to talk about needs and pain.

I want you to consider what your need is.

What do you need?

What do you want?

Is your need chronic – or is your need acute and causing you pain? How acute is your pain?

Think about these questions and identify your need. Settle on an answer. Check in with me tomorrow, and we’ll talk about it.

***Side Note***

(I know it’s “late,” yet if you’re a regular reader of the blog you know how I roll. I’m a Certified Night Owl, so oftentimes my posts will come at what may seem like an obscenely late hour – sometimes at 11:59 p.m. CST, just to make sure I make that day’s deadline). If you’re a Newbie, just go along and we’ll get along!

***2nd Side Note***

(I can’t put it all on being a Night Owl – a lot of times my posts come late because I’m a glutton for punishment and I juggle a lot of writing assignments. Just work with me, people!)

Join in the Fray: Chronic, or acute?

And . . . We’re Out!

June 29, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 3 Comments

. . . of the month of June, that is.

I’m burning rubber on June and preparing to take July by storm. How so, you may ask?

Whelp, since I’m such a glutton for punishment, I’m going to go ahead and tackle Blogher ‘s NaNoBloMo July Challenge. Friday I met digital strategist Nathalie Lussier on Twitter and decided to enter her 30 Day List Building Challenge.

I also signed up for a two month MOOC class entitled “Thinking Like a Writer.”

I’m still in my Business Ignition Bootcamp (2 more weeks to go)!

What? I told you I’m a glutton for punishment!

So any who, I’m busy putting my editorial calendar together. On tap is a book review, a few guest posts, info regarding a social experiment I’ll be conducting, not one, but TWO major lifestyle changes and some new features I’m adding to the blog.

Yep, July is coming in with a bang (pun intended). See ya Monday!

Join in the Fray: What are your plans for the month of July?

It’s An Opportunity – Not A Problem!

May 16, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

If you’re like me, sometimes you need to conduct a mental reset.

You’re hit with a ~~problem~~ opportunity, and you need to know how to handle it.

Today I’m pleased to present a guest post from Bill Treasurer, a national thought leader on change management. Bill just released a new book entitled Leaders Open Doors. I had the pleasure of reviewing an advance copy, and I can personally attest that it’s a good read.

(And if that’s not enough, let me add that 100% of the proceeds will be donated to charities that serve children with special needs)!

In this post, Bill discusses the best way to have a mental reset when a “problem” comes up: View that “problem” as an opportunity.

(This mindset serves me well as I go through the process of re-editing my dissertation)!

Here’s Bill’s take:

“It sounds like something that you’d see on one of those sappy motivational posters: There are no problems, only opportunities.

There’s no denying that challenging situations exist, and that sometimes they turn into emergencies. But there’s a good point to be made about how we perceive those situations, how we define them and respond to them. And it has everything to do with how we lead.

Problems, by their very nature, are something to be avoided – who would knowingly court a problem? But the problem-avoidance mindset, with a focus on potential threats, is…well, problematic. Evaluating every situation from that frame of mind is reactive, giving priority to mitigating risk. It leads to cautious planning and timid leadership. It creates an atmosphere of pessimism by injecting fear and anxiety into people. It damages morale and performance.

Our leadership and business culture is dominated by an unhealthy emphasis on problem-solving. We teach classes in it, we train teams to address it, we value it in employees. We embrace it as a value.

It’s time to move to a model of opportunity.

An opportunity mindset shifts everything. It frees leadership to focus on positive outcomes, to take chances, to embrace possibility. Instead of building a climate of fear, it inspires people with excitement and hope.

And for leaders, it sets up a structure where you don’t just show people how to solve problems but give them chances to grow, to embrace risk, to make the most of opportunities – even the ones that look like problems to most people.

If you want to open doors for people, an opportunity mindset is an essential first step. It may seem unnatural at first, but pay attention to how you perceive events and keep your focus on opportunities rather than problems.

Take to heart the words of Johnny Mercer:

‘You’ve got to accentuate the positive

Eliminate the negative

Latch on to the affirmative

Don’t mess with Mister In-Between'”

Bill Treasurer is the Chief Encouragement Officer of Giant Leap Consulting. His latest book is Leaders Open Doors (www.leadersopendoors.com). Bill is also the author of the bestselling book Courage Goes to Work along with the training kit Courageous Leadership: A Program for Using Courage to Transform the Workplace. Bill has led courage-building workshops for such organizations as NASA, Accenture, CNN, PNC Bank, SPANX, Hugo Boss, Saks Fifth Avenue, and the US Department of Veterans Affairs. Contact Bill at btreasurer@giantleapconsulting.com, or on Twitter at @btreasurer (#leadsimple).

Join in the Fray: What current “problem” can you turn into an opportunity?

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Drop It Like It’s Squat!

April 8, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

I’ve met few challenges I didn’t like, and this one is no exception. The fit folks over at Inspired Fitness posted this photo on their Facebook page.

The challenge started on April 4, so I’m a few days late. No worries; I can start today and work it into May.

Who’s in with me???

Join in the Fray: How do you “Drop it like it’s hot?”

I’m blogging every day in the month of April in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

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#130| Primary Relationship

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Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 5 (Final Day)

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