The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


The Price Of Pain

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“People will pay for acute pain and passion, but they will not pay to alleviate chronic pain.”

~Danny Iny

What Danny is saying is that people are willing to “pay” if paying is what it takes to make an effective change in their lives.

Let’s face it: Unless your pain is acute, you’re probably not going to do a blessed thing about the needs in your life.  

So what’s your Price of Pain?

What are you willing to pay – whether in money, time, inconvenience, moving out of a comfort zone, taking a risk or getting up off your seat of do-nothing?

I dare you to challenge yourself. I dare you to do something different. I dare you to take a step; to begin the process of actually making something happen.

The quality of your life is something you should never be willing to discount.

I dare you to pay the price.

Join in the Fray: What price are you willing to pay to end your pain?

I’m blogging every day in the month of July in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

How Acute Is Your Pain? – Part 2

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SMACK FACE 1

So yesterday I asked you to think about what you need.

I was pleasantly surprised to get some emails from people who thought about the question, defined their need, and then categorized their pain as chronic or acute.  (We’ll deal with passion later in the series).

I received the typical responses: The need for a loving and lasting relationship; the dream of writing a book; going back to school; eating healthy.

Can I say that I wasn’t surprised? That’s pretty much what I expected.

Which is why I asked the original question: How Acute Is Your Pain?

Don’t Talk About It – Be About It

May I interject some tough love? 

If you’re not doing something to alleviate your acute pain, then it’s really not acute – it’s simply chronic.

That applies to just about every facet of life, from relationships to writing books; from eating healthy to going back to school.

You see, when pain is truly acute you stop at nothing to get some relief. If you have a migraine headache, you don’t just lay down and hope it goes away. No, you find some medicine – you move swiftly to find something that will take the pain away.

Want a relationship? Tired of being alone? Want to write a book? Want to go back to school? Want to eat healthy?

Then what active steps are you taking to make that happen?

If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.

So I’ll ask you again: How Acute Is Your Pain? 

Is it acute enough to get you to make a move?

Join in the Fray: How acute is your pain? What are you doing to alleviate it?

I’m blogging every day in the month of April in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

 

 

How Acute Is Your Pain? – Part 1

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Young Woman Thinking --- Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

So here we are in July! I’m ready to tackle this Blogher NaBloPoMo challenge so let’s get to it!

One of the things we’re discussing in my Business Ignition Boot Camp is the concept of needs.

Chronic Need

 

What do people need? Is the need a chronic one – something they know they should get/have/do. It’s that nagging thing in the back of their mind; the thing they need to address if they want that need met. The fact that the need is “ever-present” makes it chronic. (You know – the classic “dripping faucet.”)

Acute Pain

At what point does the need become acute? It becomes acute when it causes them pain – when they can no longer ignore it. The pain can be emotional, physical, financial – you tell me. The need has to be addressed, resolved, solved. (Think: The dripping faucet is now a steady stream that is adding a couple of hundred dollars per month to the water bill. Oh yes – that’s painful).

Passion

There’s also the concept of passion, where the need is neither chronic nor acutely painful. Passion occurs when you tip toe through the tulips with no stress – you basically do whatever it is you’re doing because you want to and because you love to do it. (This is Nirvana, if you will; the ideal state. We’ll get to that later in the month).

For the next several days – maybe the rest of the week – we’re going to talk about needs and pain.

I want you to consider what your need is.

What do you need?

What do you want?

Is your need chronic – or is your need acute and causing you pain? How acute is your pain?

Think about these questions and identify your need. Settle on an answer. Check in with me tomorrow, and we’ll talk about it.

***Side Note***

(I know it’s “late,” yet if you’re a regular reader of the blog you know how I roll. I’m a Certified Night Owl, so oftentimes my posts will come at what may seem like an obscenely late hour – sometimes at 11:59 p.m. CST, just to make sure I make that day’s deadline). If you’re a Newbie, just go along and we’ll get along!

***2nd Side Note***

(I can’t put it all on being a Night Owl – a lot of times my posts come late because I’m a glutton for punishment and I juggle a lot of writing assignments.  Just work with me, people!)

Join in the Fray: Chronic, or acute?

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

What Works for Me

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Seen on Twitter:

I want a relationship that works, or I don’t want one at all. The alternative is much too painful.

 A tiny Tweet, yet it speaks volumes. I’m pretty sure most of us not only concur, we can relate. It’s a simple concept; after all, who doesn’t want a relationship that works? Unfortunately, problems creep into our relationships because oftentimes we hold different ideas regarding what “works.”  A happy medium can be hard to achieve if one party in the relationship doesn’t understand that the best way to receive is to give. Having a relationship that “works” also doesn’t mean that we get to have our way at our partner’s expense. The goal of any compromise should be win-win, not win at all costs.

I’ve also found out the hard way that developing a relationship that works isn’t achieved simply because each person defined their boundaries and limitations, or established must-haves. It also isn’t achieved because we drew lines in the sand regarding those behaviors and situations we designated as deal breakers. For instance, what if one person decides (for whatever reason) to totally disregard everything you both spent time and energy to carefully create? It’s like using “time out” as a disciplinary tactic in child rearing: What happens if your kid decides he won’t go in time out?

Time out? Make me . . . .

I’ve come to the conclusion that in order to have a relationship that works, both persons have to be what they want in the relationship. Here’s a primer:

  • Be honest. That means be truthful – not only in what you say, but in who you are. My personal philosophy for entering a relationship is “what you see is what you get.” No pretending, no sugarcoating – I am who I am and it is what it is. I do this to assure you that you’re not meeting Dr. Jekyll, only to have Mr. Hyde show up later.
  • Be smart. In this instance, I’m not saying you have to be a Rhodes Scholar (though having a brain – and knowing how to use it – really helps. Just being honest). Being smart also means that even though you recognize and accept you imperfections, you’re smart enough to not use them as excuses for dumb behavior.
  • Be a team player. Even though that expression is tired and worn, the concept isn’t. Team players have enough sense to know what to do to get along with someone, namely, me. You + Me = Team Us. That means we both do what it takes to sink the basket, score the touchdown, make the goal, make the birdie or an eagle, roll a strike, and land a 20 pound bass. A striped one.
  • Be a lover. Wait, I’m not talking about that kind of lover  . . . (well, on second thought, I am; it’s just that I’m not talking about that right now. This page is rated PG-13, and I have to keep it on the level that my Mother can read it. Stop trying to confuse me. Ahem. Cough).
  • Be a lover. Be willing to love me the way I want to be loved. Please speak my love language,  because I promise I’ll speak yours. There’s no need to complain about our differences; instead, let’s make it a point to celebrate them. You being from Mars and me hailing from Venus is a good thing.     
  • Be fair. Don’t take my kindness for weakness, or try to use it to your advantage. I don’t know how to give less than 100%, so when I’m in, I’m in. Don’t allow me to keep giving 100% when you know you intend to only give 30%, or when you know my 100% is no longer what you want.                                                                                   Insert —–>Just man up and tell me<—— here.
  • Be a promise keeper. I cannot stress this one enough. If this seems like a no brainer, then let me introduce you to the scores of people who have found themselves on the receiving end of broken promises (sadly, ASwirlGirl would be included in that score). One of the best ways you can ensure you keep your promises is to be very judicious in making them. Don’t allow yourself to be pushed, strong armed, cajoled, or otherwise persuaded into making promises, and in like manner, don’t use these tactics to extract them. If you happen to learn that you will have to break a promise you made, then be big enough to say so. Articulate. Communicate. Talk, for goodness sakes.  In other words, Just man up and tell me.  Trust me, any disappointment you think I will feel will certainly be offset by your honesty.  

I’ve taken a lighthearted approach to this relationship business, but I dare not overlook the seriousness of the portion of the statement that said “the alternative is much too painful.” Yes. Being lied to is painful. Trying to deal with someone who refuses to push himself creatively or intellectually is painful.  Sustaining a relationship with someone who believes there is an “I” in TEAM is painful. Enduring willful, deliberate acts of unfairness is painful. Recovering from the hurt stemming from broken promises with no reason why IS. PAINFUL.   

I believe life is meant to be shared with family and friends. Being in a relationship with a special someone as you make life’s journey is even better. Most of us want to be with someone who agrees on, lives up to, and shares in the physical, spiritual, and emotional investment required for the journey. Someone who knows and understands that we each need to be that person to the best of our ability. Someone who doesn’t expect us to get it right every time yet appreciates the fact that we’re going to try. Someone who will give what they want to get. That’s what works for me.     

 

Join in the fray: Tell me, what “works” for you?