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The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


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Are You Ready For Some Football?

August 9, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 11 Comments

keep-calm-its-football-season-10

Where my football fans at? LOL!

My Dad is on deck in his chair and he’s parked in front of the television.

He’s been looking a bit forlorn since the end of basketball season; making do with the occasional golf match.

The pre-season games have begun and I tell you, he’s standing tall like a wilted flower that’s just been watered.

I’m ready for some football – first because my Dad and brothers love it so much and second, because I love it so much. Few things provide prime bonding opportunities for a girl and her guy than televised or live sports.

Not only that, sporting events and watch parties can present prime opportunities for Swirling.

Let the games begin! Geaux Saints!

Join in the Fray: What’s your favorite sport and team? Sound off!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: basketball, Black women, Black. White, bond, bonding, dating, football, football season, gals, golf, guys, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, men, New Orleans Saints, sports, swirling, women

Happy Veterans’ Day!

November 11, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 6 Comments

Hang around me any length of time, and you’ll quickly learn that I’m a Daddy’s Girl (and proud of it!).

You’ll also learn that my Dad is a 23-year career Army man who fought in Korea and in Vietnam.

Today, on Veteran’s Day, I salute my Dad and all the men and women who unselfishly served in the Armed Forces and fought for our freedom and safety.

Thank you for your courage!

Join in the Fray: This week, make an effort to acknowledge, salute, or in some way appreciate a member of the military.

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

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Filed Under: Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Fray, Korea, men, military, NaBloPoMo, United States, veteran, Veterans Day, Vietnam, women

What Works for Me

June 9, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 9 Comments

Seen on Twitter:

I want a relationship that works, or I don’t want one at all. The alternative is much too painful.

 A tiny Tweet, yet it speaks volumes. I’m pretty sure most of us not only concur, we can relate. It’s a simple concept; after all, who doesn’t want a relationship that works? Unfortunately, problems creep into our relationships because oftentimes we hold different ideas regarding what “works.”  A happy medium can be hard to achieve if one party in the relationship doesn’t understand that the best way to receive is to give. Having a relationship that “works” also doesn’t mean that we get to have our way at our partner’s expense. The goal of any compromise should be win-win, not win at all costs.

I’ve also found out the hard way that developing a relationship that works isn’t achieved simply because each person defined their boundaries and limitations, or established must-haves. It also isn’t achieved because we drew lines in the sand regarding those behaviors and situations we designated as deal breakers. For instance, what if one person decides (for whatever reason) to totally disregard everything you both spent time and energy to carefully create? It’s like using “time out” as a disciplinary tactic in child rearing: What happens if your kid decides he won’t go in time out?

Time out? Make me . . . .

I’ve come to the conclusion that in order to have a relationship that works, both persons have to be what they want in the relationship. Here’s a primer:

  • Be honest. That means be truthful – not only in what you say, but in who you are. My personal philosophy for entering a relationship is “what you see is what you get.” No pretending, no sugarcoating – I am who I am and it is what it is. I do this to assure you that you’re not meeting Dr. Jekyll, only to have Mr. Hyde show up later.
  • Be smart. In this instance, I’m not saying you have to be a Rhodes Scholar (though having a brain – and knowing how to use it – really helps. Just being honest). Being smart also means that even though you recognize and accept you imperfections, you’re smart enough to not use them as excuses for dumb behavior.
  • Be a team player. Even though that expression is tired and worn, the concept isn’t. Team players have enough sense to know what to do to get along with someone, namely, me. You + Me = Team Us. That means we both do what it takes to sink the basket, score the touchdown, make the goal, make the birdie or an eagle, roll a strike, and land a 20 pound bass. A striped one.
  • Be a lover. Wait, I’m not talking about that kind of lover  . . . (well, on second thought, I am; it’s just that I’m not talking about that right now. This page is rated PG-13, and I have to keep it on the level that my Mother can read it. Stop trying to confuse me. Ahem. Cough).
  • Be a lover. Be willing to love me the way I want to be loved. Please speak my love language,  because I promise I’ll speak yours. There’s no need to complain about our differences; instead, let’s make it a point to celebrate them. You being from Mars and me hailing from Venus is a good thing.     
  • Be fair. Don’t take my kindness for weakness, or try to use it to your advantage. I don’t know how to give less than 100%, so when I’m in, I’m in. Don’t allow me to keep giving 100% when you know you intend to only give 30%, or when you know my 100% is no longer what you want.                                                                                   Insert —–>Just man up and tell me<—— here.
  • Be a promise keeper. I cannot stress this one enough. If this seems like a no brainer, then let me introduce you to the scores of people who have found themselves on the receiving end of broken promises (sadly, ASwirlGirl would be included in that score). One of the best ways you can ensure you keep your promises is to be very judicious in making them. Don’t allow yourself to be pushed, strong armed, cajoled, or otherwise persuaded into making promises, and in like manner, don’t use these tactics to extract them. If you happen to learn that you will have to break a promise you made, then be big enough to say so. Articulate. Communicate. Talk, for goodness sakes.  In other words, Just man up and tell me.  Trust me, any disappointment you think I will feel will certainly be offset by your honesty.  

I’ve taken a lighthearted approach to this relationship business, but I dare not overlook the seriousness of the portion of the statement that said “the alternative is much too painful.” Yes. Being lied to is painful. Trying to deal with someone who refuses to push himself creatively or intellectually is painful.  Sustaining a relationship with someone who believes there is an “I” in TEAM is painful. Enduring willful, deliberate acts of unfairness is painful. Recovering from the hurt stemming from broken promises with no reason why IS. PAINFUL.   

I believe life is meant to be shared with family and friends. Being in a relationship with a special someone as you make life’s journey is even better. Most of us want to be with someone who agrees on, lives up to, and shares in the physical, spiritual, and emotional investment required for the journey. Someone who knows and understands that we each need to be that person to the best of our ability. Someone who doesn’t expect us to get it right every time yet appreciates the fact that we’re going to try. Someone who will give what they want to get. That’s what works for me.     

 

Join in the fray: Tell me, what “works” for you?   

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Black. White, Health, interracial, interracial relationships, Intimate relationship, love, men, Mental Health, Pain, Person, relationship, Tweet, Twitter, women

The Hair Thing (Part 2)

April 8, 2011 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

So in my last blog I discussed the cultural differences in men’s preferences in sporting facial hair. In American Men and Identity: Contemporary African-American and Latino Style López-Gydosh and Hancock (2009) stress the importance of hair, beards, and mustaches to men in both African American and Latino cultures. SM was willing to grow a mustache and beard to let me see what he looked like (GOR-GEOUS!!!!). He didn’t mind growing it, but beards and mustaches are not conducive to his professional environment. Even though I totally understood, I was a little bummed that he’d have to cut his beard at a moment’s notice.

Once I began investigating and recognizing the intrinsic influence culture wields on an individual’s thinking and preferences, I better understood why I thought a man’s facial hair made him more desirable or even sexy. Lesson learned. SM and I are now more attuned to what we call “culturalisms.” We’re having fun learning even more about each other (and ourselves) as we discover and identify the culturalisms that influence our thinking.

So, on to the million-dollar question:

What does SM think of my hair???

Well, fortunately for SM (and me) I have no facial hair!

[Sidebar: I am FDLOL! Come on, you should have known that was coming! Corny? Of course!]

For those readers who may be unaware, natural hair is undergoing a renaissance among Black women. A Black woman’s hair is considered “natural” when she adds no chemicals to change the texture. In other words, she leaves it the way it grows out of her scalp  – be it fine, thick, kinky, coiled, curly, dense – you name it. Generally speaking, White women use a “perm” to make their straight hair curly. Conversely, Black women use a “perm” to make their curly or kinky hair straight.

Now, when it comes to a Black woman, wearing your hair natural doesn’t necessarily mean you have to sport an afro. Au contraire! Those same fine, thick, kinky, coiled, curly, dense textures provide us a vast range of hair styles we can wear based on an equally vast range of styling techniques. Braid-outs, twist-outs, knot-outs, puffs, coils, curls, and locs abound – and those are just a FEW of the available styles!

In other words, I can wear my fine, naturally curly, shoulder length hair blown out and flat-ironed one day, and in a curly twist-out the next day. When I asked SM what he liked and even preferred, he said,

“Oh, I like your hair straight, but I really like your hair curly.”

[Sidebar: Yes, he put special emphasis on the “really.”]

SM smirking

SM not only likes the way it looks, more important, he says he likes the way I act and seem to feel when I wear my hair in its natural, curly state. He says that I seem more relaxed and carefree. He says he also notices changes in my clothes, jewelry, and makeup.

[Really???]

According to SM, when I wear my hair curly I also use very minimal makeup (except for bright lipstick) and wear brighter colored clothing coupled with bolder, funkier pieces of jewelry.

“When your hair is curly you have more ‘swag,’” he says. “And I LOVE it!”

[More “swag?” Really????]

I thought about what he said, and came to the conclusion that he’s right. I know I have a more “take me as I am” attitude when I’m in my natural, curly glory. (And it helps that I don’t have to worry about the humidity level or whether it’s raining outside – the more moisture in the air, the curlier I get).  Wearing my hair curly also makes me feel a bit more “Afrocentirc,” if you will, hence the bolder, funkier jewelry and brighter colors. Is this a result of cultural influences? Perhaps. I think mainly it’s more a sense of feeling freer to be myself and express my personality.

I also believe when I say “more Afrocentric” what I really mean is more “me-centric.” Hence, what I learned from the whole Part 1/Part 2 hair thing is that SM and I each enjoy each other’s looks in surprising ways and for different reasons. Ultimately, we support each other in the expression of our cultures and who we are individually, whether we’re mustached or clean-shaven, straight or curly. Our hair thing works in our favor – and that’s what counts.

Reference

López-Gydosh, D., & Hancock, J. (2009). American men and identity: Contemporary African-American and Latino style. The Journal of American Culture, 32(1), 16+. Retrieved from Questia database: http://www.questia.com/PM.qst?a=o&d=5035416077

Join in the fray:

Curly or straight? Tell me about your hairy situation!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: afro, afro puffs, Black. White, braid out, coils, culture, curly, ethnic, interracial, kinky, knot out, knots, men, mustache, natural hair, twist out, women

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Welcome!

I’m Michelle Matthews-Calloway, and I’m A Swirl Girl! Greetings to you from The Swirl World. We encourage Black women to expand their relationship options by dating and marrying interracially. Our overarching mission is to see Black Women live their best life. Come Swirl with us in The Swirl World™, where we celebrate Black women and the diverse men who love us!™

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