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Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 5 (Final Day)

August 19, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles – Free Digital Photos

Friday was the last day of Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. I finished the challenge as scheduled, but after a weekend of dinners out and attending the Delcambre Shrimp Festival (more details on that later this week) I’m just getting around to posting the final installment.

This was Friday’s Challenge:

Challenge: Say “thanks” (for everything)

Today, try saying “thank you” for everything.

Say it to your spouse who makes you wait for dinner. Say it to the cashier who moves too slow. Say it to your late lunch appointment or the call center operator who keeps putting you on hold. Say it to God for every inconvenience that causes you to grow.

Say “thank you.” Don’t just think it or tell it to yourself. Actually speak the words — and mean them.

Be grateful for the moments that slow you down, the ones that cause you to take your time. Use these opportunities to appreciate what you already have and tend to miss. As you do, see how much better life looks, and actually is, when you approach it with gratitude.

I’m happy to say this Challenge was particularly easy for me because I long ago began cultivating the habit of saying “Thank you” for just about everything. I do it so often it has become second nature – and I sometimes even feel self-conscious for saying it because some people seem so surprised when they hear those words.

I do my best to maintain “an attitude of gratitude,” although I’ll be the first to admit it isn’t always easy. Nevertheless, I make a conscious effort to push back feelings of self-pity because I don’t want to be that person:

  • The “Debbie Downer” who always sees the glass half empty – and tries to make everyone else see it that way, too
  • The person you hate to ask “How are you doing” because they’ll probably tell you – and it won’t be anything good
  • The Perpetual Complainer who never seems to be satisfied
  • The Total Ingrate

One has to simply flip on the news or check a Twitter or Facebook feed to realize things could always be worse. There are a million-and-one places we could be (dodging bullets and explosions resulting from civil unrest; on the starving end of a famine, in a country where clean – much less running – water is rare, just to name a few).

For the myriad of things that could be wrong with my life, so much of it is right. For all the things that could be better, so much of it is good.

For this, I am grateful.

And I’m happy to say, “Thank you.”

Join in the Fray: What are you grateful for? To whom do you need to say, “Thank you?”

I participated in and blogged about Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: Blogging Challenges, Festivals and Events, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, challenge, dating, famine, give thans, grateful, gratitude, heartache, heartbreak, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Jeff Goins, slow, slow down, swirling, thank you, thanks, Thanksgiving, war, worry

Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 4

August 15, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 7 Comments

drops of water close up

Ah, interruptions.

Those pesky little things that happen to probably everyone – and of course they happen whether you want them to or not.

Today Jeff talked about interruptions, and asked us to look at them from a different perspective:

Instead of calling interruptions “pesky” (the way I just did!) look at them as opportunities for growth.

This was today’s challenge:

Challenge: Let go

When we try to control everything, when we plan every last minute of the day, we get mad when life throws a wrench into the plans. When the hotwater heater breaks. When your kid gets the flu. When your boss has an unexpected “favor” to ask.

But what if we expected these interruptions? What if we counted on them and decided ahead of time who we were going to be in these instances?

Here’s your challenge:

  1. Decide ahead of time what you will do WHEN you get interrupted today. You don’t have to let everyone steal your time, but choose your response before it happens.
  2. Block out some time to spend with a person who usually interrupts you. Call her just to chat; if this person is local, ask her to lunch.
  3. When an interruption occurs, welcome it. Look for what you can learn from the experience, and don’t get annoyed. Instead, embrace this as a chance to grow.

I decided ahead of time that I was going to smile and try to be as pleasant as I could whenever an interruption came.

A by-product of that decision was being secretly amused by the knowledge that I was, in fact, welcoming interruptions and not viewing them as “pesky.”

It worked great! I had more conversations today, and I believe I laughed even more than I normally do.

cropped black woman face

“Pesky” is good!

Join in the Fray: How do you handle interruptions?

I’m blogging every day this week in Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

 

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Filed Under: Blogging Challenges, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, challenge, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interrupt, interruptions, pesky, pest, slow, slow down, swirling

Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge – Day 2

August 13, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

MP900402507

So yesterday I mentioned blogger and author Jeff Goins over at Goins Writer issued a “Slow Down” Challenge.

This is Day 2 of the Challenge. Today’s challenge from Jeff:

Challenge: Savor

Take your time with food today. If you’re the one who cooks in your home, spend more than the minimum amount of time preparing the meal. Slowly cut and cook each ingredient, imagining what they will taste like when blended.

When you eat, chew slowly. Make each bite intentional and deliberate, counting to at least 20 before swallowing. As you do, remember to appreciate and enjoy all the flavors in the food. And above all, remember to smile between bites.

Why This Worked Especially Well For Me

Many of you know that I’ve been doing a “Vegetarian ‘Till 6:00,” which is an adaptation of Mark Bittman’s Vegan Before 6:00. I’d already been trying to make sure I slowed down to eat, taking tiny bites so I could enjoy the flavors of the increased number of fruits and vegetables I’ve been eating.

Yesterday I enjoyed a “Meatless Monday,” and today was no different when I went home for lunch. I didn’t have anything fancy; just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (I’ve gotten in the habit of eating one almost every day; usually for breakfast).

I deeply inhaled the smell of the peanuts and marvelled at how sweet the jelly smelled. I cut my sandwich on the diagonal, the way I always do. I enjoyed the sensation of the peanut butter sticking to the roof of my mouth – just like I used to do when I was a kid.

I’m reading Six Days by Harlen Coben, and when I “read for lunch” I normally multitask and read while I eat. Today, however, I didn’t pick up my book until after I’d finished eating – and even then, I sat still and just enjoyed the silence for five minutes before starting to read.

Several people came across my consciousness as I sat there in the silence; some experiencing different forms of bereavement, others who anticipated new ventures; my two brothers who have birthdays this month.

I said a prayer for each of them, and asked God to meet them at the point of their need. I experienced a quiet, peaceful lunch and was ready to go back and face the remainder of my work day.

Even now, I sit in quiet contemplation as I type this. I’m savoring a piece of colby-jack cheese  that I placed on a saucer of a set of dishes that my Mother gave me when I moved here.

I’ll admit it: The dishes are not even remotely my taste. Yet they make me smile every time I use them, if for no other reason than the fact that they are so like my Mother and so unlike me – and I’m good with that. 

PINK DISHES 4

I smile, and think about my wonderful, dear Mother.

I savor not only the cheese, but the moment.

Join in the Fray: What moments are you “savoring?”

I’m blogging every day this week in Jeff Goins’ “Slow Down” Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: Blogging Challenges, Series, Special, Uncategorized, Vegan & Vegetarian Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, challenge, cheese, daughter, interracial, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Jeff Goins, moment, Mother, plate, savor, slow down

Are You Ready For Some Football?

August 9, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 11 Comments

keep-calm-its-football-season-10

Where my football fans at? LOL!

My Dad is on deck in his chair and he’s parked in front of the television.

He’s been looking a bit forlorn since the end of basketball season; making do with the occasional golf match.

The pre-season games have begun and I tell you, he’s standing tall like a wilted flower that’s just been watered.

I’m ready for some football – first because my Dad and brothers love it so much and second, because I love it so much. Few things provide prime bonding opportunities for a girl and her guy than televised or live sports.

Not only that, sporting events and watch parties can present prime opportunities for Swirling.

Let the games begin! Geaux Saints!

Join in the Fray: What’s your favorite sport and team? Sound off!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: basketball, Black women, Black. White, bond, bonding, dating, football, football season, gals, golf, guys, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, men, New Orleans Saints, sports, swirling, women

New Month – New Goals!

July 31, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 4 Comments

keep-calm-and-set-new-goals

Why? Because August is coming in with a bang.

A New Month = New Goals and new activities the entire month.

  1. I’m taking Rosetta Thurman’s Powerful Goal Setting class.
  2. I’m starting a new eating plan in earnest – at least 1 green smoothie a day; meals that are 80%  vegan/vegetarian and 20% “regular.”
  3. I’m attending a festival every weekend!

There’s no time like the present to enjoy life.

Woot Woot!

Girls at Party

Join in the Fray: What are your goals for August?

I blogged every day in the month of July in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading – Whew!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: August, Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, dating, goal setting, goals, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, July, month, NaBloPoMo, new, swirling

Tell Me Something Sweet . . . .

July 30, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

CHEESECAKE

Gah! Today was National Cheesecake Day.

Did anybody miss the memo besides me?

SAD FACE

Join in the Fray: Did you get some cheesecake today???

I’m blogging every day in the month of July in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: Announcements, NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, cheesecake, dating, dessert, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, missed, National Cheesecake Day, swirling

Why It’s Important To Make The Most Of EVERY Day

July 28, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

deadline

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12 NIV

If you’re a fan of the radio show Kidd Kraddick in the Morning, by now you’ve probably heard he passed away suddenly at a golf tournament in New Orleans yesterday.

KIDD KRADDICK NOTICE

To say I’m stunned is an understatement – I’m heartbroken.

I started listening to Kidd’s show at a very tender time in my life; about a year after my husband’s death. I was at a very low point for a number of reasons. I came across Kidd’s show when I was radio surfing one morning after a sleepless night. I laughed until I cried – good tears, not sorrowful ones. I’ve been hooked ever since.

Kidd’s sudden and untimely death is a sobering reminder of why it’s so important to make the most of EVERY day. No, every day is not going to be filled with sunshine and we don’t sleep on the proverbial bed of roses.

Yet, each day we’re presented with 24 glorious hours.

This is a time that we can maximize; use to our advantage. We can elect to be positive instead of negative; see and walk through the open doors instead of whining and complaining as we stand motionless in front of the ones we view as shut.

We can allow ourselves to become paralyzed with fear or drown in a sea of excuses. We can fritter our time away with laziness, engulfing ourselves in pointless, time-wasting pursuits that add little or no value to our lives (Candy Crush Saga, anyone? IJS).

It’s important to make the most of EVERY day because we don’t know how many we have.

I’m sure no one would have made Kidd Kraddick, his family or we his fans believe that his total number of days would fall less than a month shy of his 54th birthday, which would have been August 22. Yet, he’s gone – and his days are up.

Thankfully, Kidd elected to make good use of his time, energy and resources, and leaves behind a legacy that now speaks for him.

I’m more determined than ever to make the most of my days. How about you?

Join in the Fray: What are you doing to make the most of each day?

I’m blogging every day in the month of July in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, dating, death, diverse, dying, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Kidd Kraddick, love, morning show, NaBloPoMo, radio, sudden death, swirling, untimely death

You Know You’ve Had A Good Time When . . . .

July 26, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

keep-calm-and-try-to-recuperate

You know you’ve had a good time when afterward, you need to r.e.c.u.p.e.r.a.t.e!

Last night’s soiree was off the chain! I had a blast at the Meet & Greet two weeks ago, so the actual event was the Meet & Greet on steroids.

Stars of Style Invite

Glitz and glamour everywhere – the women were gorgeous and the men even more so. (Tee hee hee!)

I can’t scoop my magazine and provide a lot of pictures, so I’ll be sure to follow-up with links next Friday when the issue hits the stands.

I’m HAPPY to report that I saw FOUR Swirl Couples last night.

Side Note: The event had over 450 people so that’s a relatively small ratio, but still. That’s far better than saying I saw ZERO Swirl Couples, right? Right.

I’m even HAPPIER to report that two of the couples were BW/WM Swirls – one older couple, and one younger. The other two were BM/WW couples.

Any who, I now need to recover from all that fun.

WHY am I still awake????

Young Girl Asleep on Pillow

Join in the Fray: What good times have you had this month?

I’m blogging every day in the month of July in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, dating, event, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, interracial romance, Louisiana, NaBloPoMo, party, special occasion, swirling

How Interracial Dating/Marriage Has Evolved Over The Past Decade (Guest Blog)

July 25, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

Howdy!

My big event is tonight so I have a guest filling in for me today.

I’ll be back tomorrow to fill you in on all the deets. 

In the meantime, please give a Swirl World welcome to Swirler Marcela De Vivo!

Views on race relations in America have dramatically improved over the last several decades, and those improvements have been significant enough to change the way that we look at interracial marriage in our country.

In fact, interracial marriage has gone from being illegal (up until as late as 2000 in some states), to being culturally accepted and encouraged in our society. This is certainly a positive shift as these marriages are producing children that are blurring the lines between race, and causing it to be seen for what it is– little more than a societal construct.

But even up into the 1980’s and 1990’s, biracial marriage, though mostly legalized (it’s amazing that it wasn’t completely legalized by then), was considered in some to be places taboo, and in most places, strange and unusual at best.

couple

The bottom line is that few people would have considered it a “good thing”, which is a major difference between how our culture looked at interracial marriage then, and how we look at it now. Today, 15-percent of new marriages are between spouses of different ethnicity, which is a dramatic increase from the 6-percent in 1980.

This is a visible testament to the shift of public opinion we’ve seen over the past few decades, and suggests that we’ll see interracial marriage continue to evolve and expand in the decades to come.

Becoming Culturally “Normal”

While the legislative process took decades, the process of eliminating the cultural stigmas associated with interracial marriage is just now coming to a completion.

For example, despite the fact that interracial marriage was legal in 1987, it enjoyed a much poorer verdict in the court of public opinion, where only 48-percent supported dating between African Americans and Caucasians. That kind of number sounds crazy in our day, where 83-percent would now say they support interracial dating and marriage.

The major reason for that is because there was still a high percentage of the population who grew up in the 50’s and 60’s, when segregation was still a major part of American society. By the 80’s and 90’s, although those individuals were older, they were still able to shape our society. Those who were born in the 80’s and 90’s only see segregation in the history books, and almost universally view it as unacceptable and a stain on our country’s history.

Generational Gap

For example, when 18 to 29 years olds were asked if they thought interracial marriage was “a change for the better for society”, 61-percent of them said yes. When the same question was posed to those 65 and older, only 28-percent said yes.

These statistics show a distinct generational gap in the way younger people view race relations compared to how older people view them.

However, it also highlights a big reason for how and why things are changing in our society. Those older generations, as they begin to not have such a great impact on our society, are making up less and less of the population, and those who grew up without any racial bias are beginning to take the reigns of public opinion.

As that happens, multiracial marriage has increased both statistically, as well as in terms of popularity, and will continue to do so until mixed-race children make up most of the country’s demographic– some say as early as 2050. At that point, as more and more biracial children are being born, the racial makeup of our country will essentially be “reset”, where the line between white and black won’t matter nearly as much as it does today.

Human Beings Instead of Societal Constructs

While certain aspects of a race-based society have their place (ethnic backgrounds, heritage, music, culture, preferences etc.), categorizing people solely by race, which is ultimately not their only source of identity, marginalizes them as human beings, regardless of what race they actually are.

A society should view individuals, first and foremost, as human beings and citizens of the country they live in. Racially constructed societal barriers, whether they’ve been by way of the law, culture or popular opinion, at best have hindered, and at worst done significant damage to the relationships between individuals and different groups of people in America.

 

Marcela De Vivo Marcela De Vivo is a freelance writer, mother of three and business owner in Southern California. Over the past decade, she has noticed how much more accepting society is of interracial dating and marriage. She is even in an interracial relationship herself. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter today!

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Filed Under: Guest Blog, NaBloPoMo Challenge, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, dating, History, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, NaBloPoMo, swirling

Keep Calm And Try On . . . .

July 23, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 8 Comments

keep-calm-and-try-on-55

 . . . .clothes, that is!

I’m attending a swanky event Thursday night so I’m making like Cinderella and trying on different outfits and jewelry.

Technically I’ll be working behind the scenes covering this event, but hey! Girls just wanna look nice while they work.

fashion show woman

Let’s see:

Outfit: Check!

Shoes: Check!

Jewelry: Check!

Makeup: Check!

Mani & pedi: Check!

Sense of anticipation: Check!

Readiness to get my Swirl on: CHECK!

Join in the Fray: What rituals do you follow in preparation for a social event?

I’m blogging every day in the month of July in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

 

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Filed Under: NaBloPoMo Challenge, Series, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: Black women, Black. White, BlogHer, clothes, dating, event, Facebook, fashion, glamorous, glamour, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, NaBloPoMo, party, social, swirling

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I’m Michelle Matthews-Calloway, and I’m A Swirl Girl! Greetings to you from The Swirl World. We encourage Black women to expand their relationship options by dating and marrying interracially. Our overarching mission is to see Black Women live their best life. Come Swirl with us in The Swirl World™, where we celebrate Black women and the diverse men who love us!™

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All rights reserved. All work is the copyright of the respective owner, otherwise copyright ©2015 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, Swirl Nation™, all rights reserved, Dallas, TX, USA.
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