children Archives - Page 3 of 3

Is A Baby In Mike’s Future??

December 9, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 4 Comments

Last week we kicked off our Mondays With Mike series and introduced you to writer and blogger Michael Miocevich (My-oh-see-vitch), a native of Western Australia who is now our guide to Swirling in Australia.

(Mike also lends us his brain and lets us pick it at will).

In his first post Mike received three questions, one of which was to tell his idea of a fun date.

Whelp, Mike’s response generated this follow-up question from a fan on our Facebook page:

“I wonder how Mike feels about women with children? Is that deal breaker? It seemed like his perfect date would be for a women with no children and free time to spend a whole day (not knocking it but I have two boys who come first). I just wonder if this isn’t even considered when looking for a mate . . . Sorry I’m soap boxing :: steps down::”

This is quite a legitimate question, particularly because dating with children is a reality for millions of singles. I forwarded the question to Mike as fast as my little fingers could type it.

So, hmm . . . . Is a baby in Mike’s future?? What followed is Part 1 of his very thoughtful response:

“This can be an interesting but also sometimes a hard topic to talk about. Some men can be rather apprehensive, as often while they can relate to the woman they are dating, they might feel a gulf between them and her children. This is more a psychological barrier than anything. The man doesn’t know exactly what role he should play, and also might worry about the notion that he might be seen as someone who is supplanting the child’s biological father. This can be rather conflicting, and I have seen marriages being broken up early due to the intervention of kids vs their parents new husband/wife. I have seen this both in relationships of divorced men and divorced women, so there is no finger of blame being pointed here. If this is noticed early on, with the children not getting along with the new partner, it really does need to be addressed as soon as possible.

Other times it can be the wrong thought for men that if they were to date a woman who has children from another relationship, that immediately they would be expected to provide for those children as well, when what they want is freedom and fun to develop a relationship with someone who is unattached or has no children. This is a rather selfish way to go through things in life, always wondering what people are trying to get from you. Often the women who these men could date and have children already are quite used to providing for their children, and aren’t expecting their new beau to walk in and be immediately put on the spot for financial help. It would be my hope that if a person did date and fall in love with someone who has children, that they would offer to help out as a gesture of love. It says he cares for you and your children, even though they aren’t his biologically. A man is going to have to face up to this eventually, so if he doesn’t think he can manage it, he’s better off not stringing someone along, thinking that he’ll eventually come around to it.

So where do I stand in all of this? I’m 38, so I am kind of on the fence in regards to starting a family with someone I meet. On the one hand I might have left it too long, as I’d like to be the kind of guy who spends times with his children and is active with them, rather than being too tired after working to do so, and leave them to be raised by the TV. On the other hand, who says that this should be the case? If I were to meet the right person, why couldn’t my life be structured to have a decent job, but time available to spend with my wife and children? These are questions that can really only be properly sorted out once I have met that special person who is right for me. It’s got to be a joint decision. Trying to plan out things exactly how you want them to happen is an exercise in futility. Better to have broad plans that move you forward and are able to accommodate any curve balls thrown your way.

As for dating women who already have children, I don’t see why not! If we are lucky enough to make a connection with someone who excites us, challenges us, is great to be with and who you don’t know if you could be without, I don’t see why them having children would be such a barrier to having a relationship with them. The above preconception is something a lot of people automatically make as they have no experience of such situations. I would be prone to them myself as I have only dated women who were previously single and without children. To be honest perhaps I was too limited in my view of what a fun date would be because of it. Another limitation is that my place isn’t that huge, so dating a woman who has children and is looking to emigrate to Australia might be a touch difficult as I don’t have a lot of space for more than one other person. This is likely to be something which changes in the future, but at the moment it is likely to be a factor. However, as with all things, any problems will have a solution.

In which case a date with a women who has children might involve a day at the museum (the American Museum of Natural History is absolutely fantastic and I could have spent days there when I was in NYC) or a visit to a park for a picnic. If we go to a park I am going to have to pack a cricket bat and ball so we can have a hit before lunch (yes, I am going to hold on to my Australian sporting identity darnit!). A nice lunch and a walk around the park while the kids go roughhousing nearby. Pack it all up and head to the movies (at a cinema or at home) for something light-hearted and pants-wettingly funny, or even do so at home on the couch. If I have been dating the woman for some time, then reading the kids a story before bedtime, or even make up one of my own for them would be really cool. Then the rest of the evening can be spent talking and being together on the couch, conversations of everything and nothing, and sweet kisses before parting.”

Stay tuned for Part 2, where Mike gives us insight into what a man thinks when he considers dating a woman with children.

Got questions for Mike? Send them to us via inbox on Facebook or email them to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Follow Mike on Twitter @500and50, read his blog at 500and50.com, or message him on Facebook.

Join in the Fray: What are your thoughts on dating someone with children?

“All My Babies’ Mamas” – NOT!

January 15, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

GARBAGE 2

Garbage in, garbage out.

Words can’t express how PLEASED I am to read that an upcoming reality show “All My Babies’ Mamas” will not be aired.

I’m sure you’re already heard the premise for this beyond disgusting “show” (and “show” is an understatement!). The “show” intended to cover the life of ~~crapper~~ rapper Shawty Lo, his 11 children, and their 10 mothers.

o_O

That’s all the space I’m going to give to describing that garbage.

Any who, thank goodness the public outcry, coupled with a petition holding approximately 40,000 signatures (mine included), was enough to slay this beast.

Allison Samuels of The Daily Beast provides the details here.

Join in the Fray: Do you watch “reality TV” shows?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Gone Too Soon

December 21, 2012 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

Like a shooting star

Flyin’ across the room

So fast so far

You were gone too soon

You’re part of me

And I’ll never be

The same here without you

You were gone too soon

Shine on! Shine on!

You were gone too soon

Shine on! Shine on!

You were gone too soon

Shine on! Shine on!

You were gone too soon

~From Gone Too Soon by Simple Plan

*The Bible tells us that “love is of God,” and even goes on to tell us that “God is love.”

Because I believe the Bible, I’ll acquiesce to those descriptors and definitions of love and do my best to lay my personal thoughts aside.

You see, based on my personal thoughts, there are times when I think love is a beastly thing, and best to be avoided, because on a good day, love, though sweet, is yet wrapped up in risk. On a bad, bad, bad day, love hurts. Love, particularly when it is wrenched away from you by force, can cripple you; bring you to your knees; devastate you – and even break you.

Friday, December 14, 2012 is indelibly stamped in our collective memory as one of those bad, bad, bad days. Since Thanksgiving I’ve been working as a contract 4th grade teacher at a rural elementary school. The ages of 4th graders generally range from 9-10; occasionally a kid will turn 11 during the school year, depending on the age the child started school.

Teaching 4th graders is an extreme stretch for me. I currently teach continuing education classes at the University of Louisiana, and I’m a certified executive trainer. I’ve served as a Dean of Women’s Education for a faith-based organization and taught non-traditional adult learners in a variety of subjects. I’m now interviewing participants for the research portion of my doctoral dissertation working on a PhD in higher education administration. Needless to say, working with 4th graders is a huge s-t-r-e-t-c-h.

When driving home, I thought, “Good Lord! One more week – this assignment can’t end soon enough!”

Needless to say, I was shocked and dismayed when I made it to my parents’ house. My school is in a rural area and internet access is limited (never mind the fact that there’s no way you even think about getting on the internet when you’re trying to manage 21 kids).

My Dad was in his usual spot in front of the television. I remember wondering why my Dad’s expression was so pained when he turned to look at me; he’s usual very jovial and ready to hear about my adventures with the students.

My Dad tersely told me what happened in Newtown, Connecticut; I dropped into a chair. I stared mutely at the screen as CNN replayed President Obama’s initial words.

And then I lost it.

I thought about the 21 students I’ve come to know. As much as they get on my last nerves at times, I know that I love them. I may or may not see any of them again after December 21, yet I know that I care about their future; I’m concerned about what will happen to them. Who will they grow up to be? What will their lives be like?

And now, for a reason that only God truly knows, in addition to six adults and himself, a gunman had ruthlessly murdered 20 children who were even younger than the ones in my class.

Do I have some psychological theory to offer, or some religious babble? No, I don’t. The same love that carried with it so much joy is the same love that now brings grief and pain. Along with the rest of the country, my heartfelt condolences and prayers go out to all the families touched by this tragedy.

This week, as I returned to my 4^th graders for my final week, I took pains to be a bit more patient, and gentle. I was more generous with comments of “Great job!” and “There you go!” and “You’re a Rock Star!”

And when I leave today, one week after the tragedy, I’ll be sure to ruffle their hair, pull their pig tails, and hug them very, very, tightly; each and every one.

http://youtu.be/3jDHw4wxuE0

Join in the fray: Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings regarding this tragedy. If there’s a small child who you love and appreciate, tell me about him/her.