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How We Handle the Tough Road: Gene-Leigh and Seth

January 31, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

Seth kisses his bride Gene-Leigh

Those of us who are in the Swirling lifestyle know that there always someone ready to rain on your interracial parade. When I interviewed Gene-Leigh, I asked her: Did you two have any issues regarding your relationship, either from you, your families, or outsiders?

Here, Gene-Leigh candidly shares a few of her and Seth’s experiences.

Seth’s Eye-Opening Experience

Seth recently went through an episode at work where during the course of a conversation with another worker, the person made a racially disparaging remark. When he came home that night, I could tell that something was weighing heavy on him. He told me the story, and I sat quietly and listened attentively to him. As a Black person, what he told me didn’t surprise me at all. But he was shaken completely to his core because the person who made the remarks was someone he KNEW–and he had no idea the person felt that way about Black people.

The one thing he weighed on him the most was that he was too shocked to respond: “In that second, I felt like I wasn’t defending us. I felt like I was letting us down. I was shocked into silence.”

Gene-Leigh’s Response

I comforted him, and assured him that I was just glad he didn’t give the guy a taste of his fist. My Seth is a gentle giant—-he’s built like a linebacker, and can hoist me around the house on a good day. I didn’t want him to get written up at the job.

I didn’t think Seth was letting us down by not responding–how do you respond to something like that when you’ve never had to DEAL with something like that? Understand this, readers: Swirling can be tough not only on Black women, but also on our mates. They are possibly exposing themselves to situations they have never experienced before as non-Black men. Seth was shocked into SILENCE (which is saying a LOT—he’s an ex-punk rocker after all, NOTHING shocks those guys).

Seth looked at me and said: “I didn’t know people were still that way. I didn’t know people thought like that.” I told him that there will ALWAYS be people who think and act that way, because there always have been—-I’ve been through it my entire life. I think after that incident he saw me and my life experiences with new eyes.

Seth’s Facebook Encounter

A few weeks later, Seth got into a small disagreement with someone he was Facebook friends with because the woman and her husband dressed their (white) son up in Blackface and a dread-locked wig to resemble his favorite baseball player at Halloween. Of all of the comments, Seth was the only person who questioned if the costume wasn’t offensive to some degree. The guy blew up, and defended his decision, saying “My kid really idolizes this guy and the player had no problem with it,” which we both knew was a lie.

All Seth could do was stare open-mouthed at the screen. He turned to me and said: “How can he think that’s okay? Is he nuts?” I smiled, kissed him and gave him a hug. What else could I do? Sure it was wrong (I mean he MIGHT have slid by with dressing the kid in only the wig–but BLACKFACE?). I know people can’t always understand what they don’t live. Seth has learned that challenging someone’s belief systems surrounding race can be dangerous.

Haterade from Black Men . . . .

One time when we were in the grocery store once I got hit on by this guy in the jelly aisle (seriously???). Seth was further down the aisle picking up bread. It’s amazing (but not surprising) to me the assumptions people have about others, because the whole time this guy was hitting on me (as I did my best to ignore him) he had no clue my husband was a few feet from me (Seth knew full well what was going on, we’d played this game with people before, and if I was in ANY trouble he would have come to my rescue–but I’m a pretty tough chick).

It wasn’t until I said: “Baby, do you want grape or strawberry?” and Seth answered with “Peach” did the guy get the clue. I gave the guy the sweetest smile, and held up my left hand with my diamond-encrusted wedding ring before saying, “Sorry.” And what did I get? A look of the utmost contempt from the guy before he stormed off.

. . . and from Black Women

We’ve also gotten nasty little barbs of insults from Black women who feel that our relationship is less than valid because we happen to be different races. One girl pointed at us in Sam’s Club and said, “There’s yet ANOTHER one,” before rolling her eyes in disgust (personally I was more disgusted that her ‘man’ couldn’t seem to keep his pants up and I had to catch a glimpse of his Spongebob boxers–but I digress). o_O

Why Gene-Leigh and Seth Shake the Haters

My husband is an awesome man. I’m not just saying that because he’s my husband, I’m saying that because it is the unmitigated truth. Why? Well, primarily because he puts up with me and my various eccentricities without so much as batting an eyelash (“Okay, Gene, okay, I’ll take the laundry down and kill the spider . . . .). He goes out of his way to make me feel completely and totally beautiful, special, and worth it (he once drove out of his way in an ice storm to bring me roses). He’s brought a measure of joy to my life that I never thought possible, and while we can both annoy the hell out of each other (“Dammit Seth I just cleaned the kitchen and NOW you want to eat!”) I can’t see spending my life with another person.

So why, pray tell if we are so happy and so loving and caring are there people who want to destroy that based on something as superficial as race? Why should my happiness be tamped down, questioned, and doubted because my husband isn’t the same color that I am? I wish I knew the answers to my questions, but as Bob Dylan sang, “The answer my friends, is blowin’ in the wind.” We’ve had our share of doubters—-a few family members, one friend, and other complete strangers we don’t know—-but it hasn’t shaken how much we love each other. As a matter of fact, it brings us closer together.

Join in the Fray: Has the Swirling road been tough for you? In what ways?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

The White Country Boy and the Black City Girl – Part 2

January 30, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

Seth captures a New Year’s Eve kiss from Gene-Leigh

Yesterday Seth, our County Boy, and Gene-Leigh, our Black City Girl Swirl couple was facing an awful dilemma: A BAT was flying around in their home!

Let’s see how the County White boy handled up . . . . .

The Bat Chronicles – Part 2

Gene-Leigh continues,

At this point, my mind had slowly begun to unravel, and the descent into insanity had begun.

“OH GOD WHY???? WHAT THE HELL?” I grabbed my cell phone, and re-dialed the number to Animal Control. Since it was after hours, I got an answering service.

“Hello? This is Sharon. How may I help you?” She sounded so sweet and nice. But I knew even before I asked my question what the answer would be.

I swallowed. “Hi, I need to speak to someone from Animal Control,” I said twisting the cord of my phone charger around my fingers.

“I’m sorry, Animal Control is gone for the evening,” Sharon said in her sickeningly sweet tone.

I closed my eyes in defeat before whimpering thank you, and hung up the phone. I began to weep openly. Seth sighed, and rubbed my shoulders. “Don’t panic, okay? Honey, it can’t stay in the house overnight, we have to get it out of here. You gotta help me.”

By now, I was beyond the point of no return. I was sleep-deprived, and panic-stricken. The last thing I wanted to hear Seth say was that I had to help him face the beast.

“It’s gonna EAT me!” I wailed before descending into tears again.

Seth rolled his eyes. “Gene, it’s the size of a mouse with wings.”

I hiccupped and coughed with tears oozing out of my eyes, “It can . . . FLY!!”

After Seth successfully calmed me down (with lots of forehead kisses), I slipped on a sweater and jeans, and tied a scarf around my hair. Seth donned his cold weather gang member attire from the night before. I’d cried so hard, my nerves were raw. My voice was ragged.

Seth addressed me like a General taking his troops into battle. “Okay, we’re going to go downstairs, that’s where it has to be since the doors up here are closed, and we’ll go from there.” My only reply was a pitiful wail.

Seth breathed out, exasperated. “And will you knock off the crying please? They travel by sound; you’re going to drive it right to us with that crying.”

After yelping once, I nodded in silent understanding, and obediently followed him to the second floor. Seth quickly swept the room with his flashlight. Not meeting up with Fangy, we slowly crept down to the first floor, where Seth stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and I froze behind him on the landing. I heard a thud.

Urgently, but calmly, Seth beckoned to me. “Gene! Gene, bring me my keys. It’s in the kitchen. I have to get this door down here open.”

That was all I needed. I screamed bloody murder.

“STOP SCREAMING AND GET MY DAMN KEYS!” Seth shouted up the stairs to me.

Panic-stricken, and inconsolable, I grabbed his keys and tossed them down the stairs where they landed with a thud before I ran back up to the second floor. Seth called out to me.

“No, Gene get back on the steps! You have to keep it from going upstairs!”

I made my way to the first floor landing, holding a sheet in front of me. I tried to keep my composure, but just then, Fangy made his appearance and swept toward Seth before angling sharply upward and soaring into the living room. I gave a scream that would have made Chaka Kahn proud while jumping up and down on the landing like an over-caffeinated toddler.

By this point, Seth was tired, and had had enough of my screaming. “Gene,” he said calmly, while wiping sweat off of his face, “Get your ass outside and see if you can make ENOUGH noise to draw it out of the house!”

I ran down the steps, out of our back door, through the causeway between our house and our neighbor’s, and up the three steps to our front door. I grabbed a broom, and begin to bang the open door with it in an effort to drive the bat-bastard out of the house.

Now let’s stop here. At 2:00 a.m., here were two grown adults, dressed like they are ready for a Nor’easter (it was the middle of the summer), banging on doors and screaming. Is it any wonder people think we’re odd?

Seth watched me for a full minute, amused at my efforts. “Yeah, no. He doesn’t seem to care. Get back in here Tito Puente.”

I ran around the back, through the kitchen, and stood next to Seth who was posing with a broom in his hand. I stared at him in awe, thinking of how much he resembled a golfing trophy. I then realized that I was in the same room as the monster, and my eyes began dart wildly around, searching for our arch nemesis. Seth’s voice made me jump.

“Do you see him,” he asked me in a near whisper.

I stared crazily around the room waiting for the bat to come swooping down on us. “No . . . .”

Seth pointed with his chin. “He’s right there, on the door jamb. . . .”

I followed his eyes, and spied a small bat hanging upside down on the top left side of our doorway. He appeared to be confused—Well if he moves two inches to the left, he’s free. The door is open dude, just fly through it, I thought to myself. Then I started to wonder if the bat was silently laughing at our appearances—wide-eyed, exhausted, and dressed like cold climate Crips. The first few lines of Poe’s “The Raven” crept into my head . . . . ’As I pondered weak and weary . . . . ’ As if on cue, the bat twitched his left wing ever so slightly . . . .

I grabbed Seth’s arm digging my fingernails into his bicep so hard, they bit through the winter coat, and in a hoarse whisper, chanted to him. “Oh God Seth, oh God….he’s going to fly . . . . Oh my God . . . . Oh my AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” For the second time that night, Chaka would have been singing my praises as I reacted to the bat swooping down off the door toward us.

Seth swung the broom and missed. “GET THE SHEET!” he yelled to me while taking shots with his improvised Louisville Slugger.

I ducked, screamed, and swung the sheet wildly toward the bat, but missed it by a fraction of an inch.

“Almost!” Seth shouted before taking another swing with the broom.

I screamed again as the bat swooped toward us, and swung the sheet. I caught our coat tree instead and brought it crashing to the ground.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed while flailing around madly. The bat swooped again over our heads as I swung the sheet, hopped, and did a fairly accurate pirouette that would have made Bob Fosse proud.

“Gene, COOL IT,” Seth hollered, noting that I was very close to completely losing my sanity with no hope of ever regaining it.

I ran to the first floor landing, and watched the bat swoop around the living room. It was an eerie sight—it made no noise. I watched in horror from the landing as it swooped around from the living room to the kitchen. Seth crept out the front door, and stood on the steps.

Speaking slowly, as if he was trying to explain the concept of astrophysics to a second grader, Seth explained to me, “ I’m going to bang on the door, and try to coax it out. DON’T. SCREAM.”

I covered my mouth, and watched as the bat swooped toward the door, then away, toward the door, and away again, for five minutes. Those five minutes seemed like an eternity! Then, miraculously, drawn by Seth’s noise, the bat flew right out the open front door! Seth gave the broom one final swing, came into the house, and shut and locked the door, looking at me and smiling triumphantly.

“That bastard is GONE.”

Still holding the sheet, I could think of only one thing to say.

“I think I’m gonna faint,” I said before collapsing on our steps.

Seth shook his head, and lifted me easily in his arms. “Let’s get you to bed,” he said chuckling.

Seth, a MRI technologist, and Gene-Leigh, a family therapist, live in Pittsburgh, Pa. The couple describes themselves as “two of the most down-to-earth folks you will ever meet although we are both a bit nutty.”

Stay tuned for more adventures from this lovely Swirl Couple!

Join in the Fray: Are you afraid of birds and wings and bats and things?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

The Reason Why I’m Not Here Today

January 27, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

I’m not here today because I’m hanging out at my friend LorMarie’s Place!

LorMarie describes herself as “a 30-something female who has an opinion on just about everything. Whether it’s using humor, ranting and raving, or writing positive affirmations, I do it all.”

I love LorMarie’s blog and I happily list her in my blog roll. I’ll be submitting posts to her from time to time.

She has one from me up today: Should Men Dictate Sex?

I’d love it if you’d come over and hang out with us!

P.S. Starting tomorrow, we’ll be featuring guest posts from one of the members of The Swirl World’s Facebook community. Our guest poster is happily and interracially married, and she’ll be sharing stories about how she met and married the man of her dreams. Stay tuned!

Join in the Fray: Would you like to submit a guest post?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Words of Wisdom from A Married Girl in a Weird World

January 23, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

We love, love, LOVE blogger and vlogger Eugenia Berg – aka Married Girl in a Weird World.

Eugenia is happily and interracially married. She and her hubby are expecting Baby Berg later this year!

Today’s Subject: There IS a Difference!

Today, Eugenia discusses the reality of self sabotage in today’s vlog. Psychology Today defines self sabotage as behavior that “creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.” Eugenia provides examples of this behavior taken from the best source possible – her own life.

According to Eugenia, there is a difference between self-sabotage and vetting. She asks, “Do you understand what it is?” Eugenia has written two other blogs pertaining to self-sabotage and vulnerability in relationships. You can find those blogs here, and here.