The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


Five Things a Facebook Romeo Won’t Tell You

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ROMEO

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am disturbed.

Profoundly.

Yesterday one of the interracial Facebook pages issued a warning to its fans. They sounded the alarm about a Facebook Romeo who evidently had been making the rounds of IRR and Swirl pages and cozying up to Black women. His motive?

To ask them for money.

Seems this Facebook Romeo had hit up several of the women on the page. The women contacted the Admin, who in turn posted a warning – complete with a photo.

People, I just blew a gasket.

A guy chats you up on Facebook, and somehow feels comfortable enough to ask you for money???

o_O

Swirlers, we have a problem.

Oh, I hear your gasps and cluck-clucks of judgment. Who does that? you ask. You wonder, How does this happen? as you clutch your pearls in dismay.

Whelp, I’m glad you asked, because I’m more than happy to let you in on Mr. Facebook Romeo’s secrets.

5 Things a Facebook Romeo Won’t Tell You:

  1.  Your provocative profile picture was his first clue. You know – the one that has half (or all) of your boobs hanging out, or shows the rear view of you in your Daisy Dukes. And you know what? Don’t give me that baloney about “I should be able to post any photo I want.” Yeah. We get that – and we also get why you do that. It’s because you’re thirsty – and that’s exactly the type of woman Mr. Romeo is looking for.
  2. He’s tuning in to your sexually suggestive posts and/or comments. What posts? Oh, the ones where you ask what a man’s favorite body part is, or how he feels about [insert sexual topic here]. He’s also checking out the comments you make in the other thirsty posts – the ones where you talk about what you do and/or what you like when [insert sexual topic here].
  3. He has completely picked up on all your “compliments” about his looks, physique, blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, blond hair, black hair, brown hair, straight teeth, pretty smile, muscles, cleft chin . . . . He doesn’t have to worry about giving you any compliments, because you’ve made a point of letting him know what you think of him.
  4. He notices how you constantly whine about how you wish you had someone to cook for, bake for, give a massage to, blah, blah, blah. The purpose of these posts? To put him (and everyone else) on notice, and inform them that you are unattached and lonely – and easy pickings.
  5. Last but not least, Romeo has made notes about all the assertions you make about what a loyal, protective, supportive, and “ride or die” woman you are. Your “pick me! pick me!” message came through loud and clear, and all that’s left now is for Romeo to send you an in-box, chat you up, tell you how wonderful you are, and move in for the kill. ask you for money. the two of you will live happily ever after.

A wise old man once said, “It’s one thing to get hit by a bat, but giving someone a bat to hit you with is an entirely different matter.”

Ladies, whether online or in person, thirstiness and desperation will read through loud and clear. Facebook Romeos troll interracial pages and groups, looking for the five things I just listed. Women who engage in those behaviors make it easy for Romeos to engage in predatory activity with little to no effort.

Don’t give a Facebook Romeo a bat to hit you over the head with.

Think I’m being an alarmist? Check out these clips from recent episodes of the Dr. Phil Show on the subject of “Catfish” and “Online Love Scammers.”

How do you protect yourself from a Facebook Romeo? The same way you keep bugs and pesky insects away. In other words, you use repellent.

What Repels a Facebook Romeo:

  • A healthy self-esteem
  • Class
  • Dignity
  • Self respect
  • Standards and values
  • Vetting, vetting, and more vetting

The average Facebook Romeo isn’t too interested in a woman who exudes confidence and knows her self-worth. Even so, don’t believe for a second that possessing these qualities will make you exempt. Often times these attributes will just place you in an arena to be approached by a “better quality” Romeo, one who will be a lot less obvious about what he’s after. The best way to protect yourself – and we can’t say it enough – is to Vet, vet, and vet again.

This bears repeating:

The best way to protect yourself – and we can’t say it enough – is to Vet, vet, and vet again. The best way to protect yourself – and we can’t say it enough – is to Vet, vet, and vet again. The best way to protect yourself – and we can’t say it enough – is to Vet, vet, and vet again. The best way to protect yourself – and we can’t say it enough – is to Vet, vet, and vet again. The best way to protect yourself – and we can’t say it enough – is to Vet, vet, and vet again.

I’m just saying.

(This is also a good time to re-read our post entitled Date Smarter, Not Harder).

Join in the Fray: What does your online persona say about you? Are you a prime target for a Facebook Romeo?

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

 

Where You At?

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TWITTER BIRD 1

(I know – you’re right behind that preposition!)

If you recognize this little guy, I believe you have some familiarity with Twitter.

We’re on most of the social media outlets, so feel free to reach out and touch us.

Here’s where you can find me (Michelle Matthews-Calloway): 

TWITTER BIRD RED

Holla at ya Girl – I’ll holla back!

Join in the Fray: Where you at in the social media world? Sound off . . . . . 

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

 

 

Show Me the Money!

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A very popular photo is currently circulating on Facebook.

It’s called “The 52 Money Challenge,” and a lot of people (including me) are intrigued.

The premise is very simple: Save the corresponding amount of dollars for each week of the year, and at the end of the year you’ll have saved the tidy sum of $1378.00.

 

 

I’m up to the challenge – how about you???

Join in the Fray: Do you have any concrete plans to save money in 2013? If so, please share!

I’m blogging every day in the month of January in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment.

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

Flights of Fancy

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Yesterday this picture was posted  on The Swirl World Facebook page, and it just tickled my fancy.

Superman and Lois Lane, indeed! 

I wonder what each one is thinking????

Join in the Fray: How would you caption this photo?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

What I’m Not Going to Post (Happy Thanksgiving!)

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What I’m not going to post are pictures of food.

If you’ve been on social media at all today (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram), then you’ve seen oodles of photos of your family and friends’ Thanksgiving dinners. What I will post is a synopsis of what we cooked and ate:

  • Dirty rice
  • White rice (and gravy for those who wanted it)
  • Seafood cornbread dressing
  • Greens with smoked turkey
  • Corn on the cob
  • Potato salad
  • Baked turkey
  • Baked ribs
  • Fried chicken
  • Rolls
  • Cornbread

Desserts included:

  • Red velvet cake
  • Homemade NY cheesecake
  • Pineapple cake
  • Coconut cake
  • Pecan pie

Drinks (our celebrations are alcohol-free zones):

  • Spiced tea
  • Sodas

Our celebration is filled with lots of loud laughter and discussions of how and what everyone is doing. When assorted friends and family members stop by, rinse and repeat. 

The standing joke is everyone timing the departure of my Dad, who wants to watch the annual Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins mash up from the comfort of his own chair. This year, he was in and out in 50 minutes!

Here’s hoping you had a Thanksgiving that was as filled with love and laughter as mine was. Cheers!

Join in the Fray: What did you have for dinner?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

 

 

I Am Going to Have To . . . .

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. . . . Catch up on this blog tomorrow.

I spent a majority of the day without internet access and now I’m even more behind schedule than I was when I woke up this morning.

Tomorrow my day starts at 5:30 a.m. and I’ll have you know this Night Owl was already in bed . . . only to bolt upright with the realization that I hadn’t made today’s NaBloPoMo post.

I’m going to catch up, lest this be my fate:

Join in the Fray: What do you need to catch up on? 

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

 

Why Gary Will Never Find Love

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Just about anyone who’s worked in corporate America (or in a church!) has heard the expression, “There is no ‘I’ in team.” 

Well, guess what? There’s no “I” in “Love,” either!

Saw this on the Grammarly Facebook page and just had to share.

Join in the Fray: What else would you say has no part in love?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

What I’m Passing On This Weekend

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My nemesis, The Frog

About a month ago I had a very disconcerting experience: A little green frog hopped in my car!

I’ll spare you all the gory details of my immediate dismay (I called 911 – not really, but I wanted to!) and the subsequent angst that lasted literally all week. I found it extremely hard to drive that week because I was on edge, worrying that The Frog would jump on my foot, or worse yet, somewhere on my person.

I also won’t tell you how many times I searched my car for The Frog (very gingerly, of course), or how many times I had my Dad and other male family members search; with flashlights and without. The weather was quite warm, so I had the added concern of opening my car door to a malodorous odor (which, I must admit, I would have been happy to smell, because it would have meant The Frog was dead). #dontjudgeme

My Facebook friends found this all quite amusing, and some of the guys even suggested that I should try to find The Frog instead of running away from him, because maybe he was actually Prince Charming waiting for a kiss.

Ha. Ha. (face palm) 

The Frog was never discovered, and my Dad swore to me that the pesky little rascal had more than likely hopped out. If he did, I suppose he joined his other family members, who this week are the stars of the show at the Frog Festival in Rayne, Louisiana. The Frog Festival is underway this weekend, with festivities concluding tomorrow night.

Normally, when somebody says “Festival!” my response is “When? Where?”

This time, I’m saying “Nah – I’ll pass” – I’ve already paid my respects.

Join in the Fray: What have you decided to say “Nah, I pass” to this week?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m blogging every day in the month of November as a participant in NaBloPoMo. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment!

 

The Secret I Can Finally Tell You

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Me (whispering):

Pssst! Hey you! Come here . . . . closer . . . . closer. 

I don’t know about you, but I for one am glad that November 6, 2012 is finally here.

Thankfully, Election Day voting will be in full swing by the time you receive notification of this post. Because the election is now underway and whatever will be, will be, I can finally tell you my secret.

My typing fingers – the fingers that have been itching to reach out and respond to all the hateful, bigoted, inane, stupid, inflammatory, and idiotic Facebook posts and Tweets I’ve had the unfortunate experience of seeing in my feeds – the fingers that want to come back with retorts and matching jabs – those fingers have been tied for about the past two months.

Oh, I admit that every once in a while, I slipped up and wasn’t able to resist responding to something here and there. (A Huffington Post thread exchange comes to mind . . . .as well as a Facebook discussion with an old friend regarding “legitimate rape” . . . . ~Le sigh).

Yet, for the most part, I have forced my fingers to back away from engaging in politically themed arguments with people and used all the self-control I could muster to make ASwirlGirl just. shut. up.  

Whew.

Now come closer, so I can go ahead and tell you my secret:

The reason why I had to tie my fingers is because reading those comments pretty much led me to the same level of intensity – and results – shown in this video (thanks for the link, Toni_M!).

Watch and learn, people; watch and learn. 

Join in the Fray: What topics push your buttons enough to make you go from David Banner – to The Incredible Hulk?

Copyright © 2012 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, All rights reserved.

I’m participating in NaBloPoMo, which means I’ll be blogging every day during the month of November. Feel free to read and make comments! 

Provin’ and Defendin’

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It’s a scene that I won’t forget: Kim, one of my high school friends, was involved in a heated argument with her older sister Karen. They were going back-and-forth about an incident that occurred between Kim and a girl named Natalie, who was Karen’s best friend. Kim was vehemently denying Natalie’s version of the story and incensed that her sister was taking Natalie’s side rather than hers. I even tried to help Kim out by vouching for her statements. After listening to all the protests that went back and forth like a volley of tennis balls, Miss Mae Jessie (Kim and Karen’s 82-year old Grandmother) looked at Kim with vexation and finally spoke up.

“Awwww, SHADDUP, Gal!” she said irritably, making a shushing motion with her hand. We all jumped and instantly became silent.

“Quit all that provin’ and defendin.’ Ain’t no use in you tryn’ ta convince that gal. She don’t believe you no way.”

Needless to say, at that point the argument was moot.

Not too long ago I had occasion to think about Miss Mae Jessie’s statement about “provin’ and defendin.’” I became embroiled in a Facebook “discussion” that started out weighing the merits of an article that appeared on www.theeconomist.com entitled “Sex and the Single Black Woman” (http://www.economist.com/node/15867956). I won’t go into all the points of the article (after all, Reading is Fundamental – if you care to you can read it for yourself. And yes, I love you, too).

Someone commented that swirling was an option, and (channeling my high school days of piping in and supporting) I made a comment about what statistics show about the rate that Black men inter marry, how they don’t seem to worry about making that choice, and how Black women are reluctant because when they intermarry they are accused of abandoning the race, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  (Want stats? feel free to read a very long report here http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1616/american-marriage-interracial-interethnic. There are tons more reports I could provide links to; but hey!  I’ll do us all a favor and shout “E.L.M.O.!”).

[Sidebar: Um, for those of you who didn’t read last week’s blog, E.L.M.O. means:

Enough!

Let’s

Move

On!

You see, I tend to over-explain sometimes – hence this sidebar and hence the title of this post. If you continue to read this blog you will probably discover that I’ll have to call on E.L.M.O. at least once during most of the posts. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.]

Suffice it to say that the temperature of the discussion very quickly moved to the boiling point (for me) when one of the guys made the comment, “Remember Massa,” and then (in my estimation) tried to dominate the conversation and do exactly what I’d stated in the first place – make Black women feel guilty for choosing to go into interracial relationships.

We wound up going back and forth about Massa; why we should remember him (or not); be aware of our history and yet move on (or not), Ad infinitum, Ad nauseum.

And suddenly, in the midst of the bickering back and forth, the “provin’ and defendin’” on both sides, came the voice of reason. A very wise Sistah on the boards known for her no-nonsense, shoot-from-the-hip ability to get to the heart of the matter and tell it like it T – I is, made a couple of comments that made me wonder if she was somehow related to ole Miss Mae Jessie. Sistah-Girl stated that Sistahs need to make like the Brothers and just do it. In essence, she thought it was foolish to waste a lot of time (and keystrokes) trying to justify or explain who we loved, or why – just love your man and keep it moving.

In other words, “Quit all that provin’ and defendin.’ Ain’t no use in you trynna convince [them]. [They] don’t believe you no way.”

I had an epiphany, I tell you.

Guess what? Everybody doesn’t need “enlightening,” or an “explanation.” Not only do they not need it, they don’t want it – and sometimes, truth be told, they didn’t ask for it. Explain for what? Sure, there will be some who will have questions and genuinely want to know more – and the people in this category are grown enough to inquire. Those who want to live in the past, denigrate an entire race of people for things that happened before any of us were born, or choose to let the long, hurtful arm of the past reach over and taint their present and their future, will continue to do so. Others who elect to build on the foundation of the past, infused with – and inspired by – the resilience, strength and grace of their ancestors, and move forward embracing the joys of today and the promise of the future, will continue to do so. There’s no need for either side to engage in provin’ and defendin’.  At worst, we can shut each other down and shut each other out, and not believe each other no way. At best, we can live in peace and harmony, agree to disagree – and keep it moving.