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The Swirl World

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He Says, She Says: Attraction

July 15, 2016 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

Attraction

Attraction.

Either you feel it for someone, or you don’t.

Known as “The Southern Swirlers,” Millennials Angelique “Angel” Long and Jonathan Gamel are back with another installment of our new series, He Says, She Says.

For each installment, we’re posing the same question to Angel and Jon.

Our purpose is to glean some insight not only into the male and female perspective on the same question but more important, from the perspective of a Black woman and a White man involved in an interracial relationship.

A Question Of Attraction

Today, Angel and Jon respond to the question:

What attracts you at first glance?

Jon He Says: Jonathan

At first glance, a woman’s body language is what attracts or deters me. She has to carry herself like a “Lady.” Not so much prim and proper, because I am in no way a model for manners.

I believe at first glance, based solely on body language, most people can form a fairly accurate opinion of a person’s character. It may sound crazy, but I believe “Body Language” can transcend just physical interaction.

Most of the time we meet people for the first time these days over social media. So, your “Body Language” on social media is in what you post, what you share, and how you interact with your “Friends.”

Other factors that can increase (or decrease) attraction? Things like the way she speaks to waiters and waitresses; how she handles a small mishap at the cash register; if she holds the door for someone behind her.

Does she post pictures with her family or friends in the club? The “Body Language” will tell it all!

Angel She Says: Angel

What attracts me to a man at first glance are his eyes. I truly do believe that the eyes are a “window to the soul.” If you have a warm soul, most likely it will be evident through your eyes. Of course, that is only based on my personal experiences and opinion.

The next thing would be his smile. For some reason, I have an obsession with a gorgeous smile. However, just because a man has a nice smile and loving eyes, it doesn’t make him a candidate for dating me. He has to possess so much more: good character, respect, manners, ambition, intelligence, and confidence.

Never date someone SOLELY based on their physical appearance because good looks can change, but a good man will always be a good man.

Join in the Fray: What features/factors attract you at first glance?


Got a question for Angel and Jonathan? Send it c/o ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorl.com.

To connect with Jonathan and Angel, “Like” their Facebook page by clicking here.

 

Copyright ©2016 Michelle Matthews Calloway, The Swirl World™ LLC, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, Swirl Nation™, All rights reserved. Photos used with permission.

Be sure to “Like” The Swirl World on Facebook and request to join our private Facebook Group!

 

 

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Filed Under: 2016, 2016 Posts, Black Women Living Well, BW/WM, Fantastic Fans, He Says, She Says Tagged With: Black women, interracial couple, interracial relationships, interracial romance, life, living well, love, White men

He Says, She Says: Boundaries

June 24, 2016 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 1 Comment

He Says, She Says

Millennials Angelique Evette Long and Jonathan Gamel are back with another installment of and our new series, He Says, She Says.

Each week, we’re posing the same question to Angel and Jon.

Our purpose is to glean some insight not only into the male and female perspective on the same question but more important, from the perspective of a Black woman and a White man involved in an interracial relationship.

Today’s Question: Let’s Talk Boundaries

This week, Angel and Jonathan respond to the question:

Give a general explanation of boundaries.  How do you define boundaries? Why do Black women specifically, and women in general, need them?

He Says, She SaysHe Says: Jonathan

If you are intending to date as a means of finding a partner, you must have boundaries. If you do not know exactly what you are willing to accept then how will you ever find someone who is compatible for the long-term?

I believe women in general are almost forced to set strict, more defined boundaries than men. If allowed, men will push the limits that a woman has set, and might not necessarily be comfortable with. She has to be confident enough within herself to uphold the boundaries that she has previously set, and be willing to move on if the man doesn’t want to comply.

He Says, She SaysShe Says: Angel

Establishing boundaries is very important when it comes to dating. When you set boundaries it means that you have a strong sense of self and stand firmly on your beliefs and standards. In doing so, you will not tolerate anyone who cannot respect any boundary you set.

You feel comfortable telling a man “no” when he attempts to cross that line, without you feeling unsure or guilty. Remember, no matter how good a man may seem to you, if he is having trouble respecting your boundaries, then he is not the man for you.

Establishing healthy boundaries for your life in general is a good thing. It keeps you from over-working, over-giving, and over-doing yourself.

 


Join In The Fray: Got a question for Angel and Jonathan? Send it c/o ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorl.com.

To connect with Jonathan and Angel, “Like” their Facebook page by clicking here.

See you next time!

Copyright ©2016 Michelle Matthews Calloway, The Swirl World™ LLC, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, Swirl Nation™, All rights reserved. Photos used with permission.

Be sure to “Like” The Swirl World on Facebook and request to join our private Facebook Group!

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Filed Under: 2016, 2016 Posts, BW/WM, Fantastic Fans, He Says, She Says Tagged With: Black women, boundaries, dating, interracial dating, interracial relationships, love, White men

He Says, She Says: Installment 1

June 16, 2016 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

He Says, She Says

So, last week we introduced you to millennials Angelique Evette Long and Jonathan Gamel and our new, He Says, She Says feature.

Each week, we’re going to pose the same question to this couple.

Our purpose is to glean some insight not only into the male and female perspective on the same question but more important, from the perspective of a Black woman and a White man involved in an interracial relationship.

Keep reading – you’ll see they’re not shy about giving their opinion!

Today’s Question

Today, Angel and Jonathan respond to the question:

Black women get a LOT of flak from seemingly all sides in relation to their dating practices. What are they doing right when it comes to dating?

He Says, She SaysHe Says: Jonathan 

I really don’t believe that there is a quintessential “right” or “wrong” way to go about dating in general. Each individual has a background that is just as unique as they are. So I believe that putting a “right” or “wrong” label on someone’s approach at dating would be unfair. Instead, I would prefer to use “misguided” rather than “wrong.”

Society today puts so much pressure on young women to be the perfect shape, size, and color. For example, in a lot of ways society praises the half-naked, slim physique, lighter skinned woman; while also not shunning, but not fully accepting a professionally dressed, full-figured, darker skinned woman as equally attractive in most cases.

So many beautiful young women are being broken by society’s standards. If a woman does not feel confident and worthy within herself, how can she possibly approach dating in a healthy manner, with a positive outlook? In my opinion, this is what leads to extreme promiscuity, self-exploitation via social media, and self-harm.

The lack of confidence and self-worth caused by not fitting into what society calls “attractive” is, in my opinion, the reason why there are so many
females that feel like they’re doing it “wrong.”

On the other side of the equation, we have the women that society praises for their looks. I believe this causes an overly confident belief system. Society, in general, is teaching this set of women something totally different from what they are teaching the others.

For example, they are taught that they are “better” because of their body shape, skin color, or the way they dress themselves (or the lack thereof). Although these women are being praised, they are still being broken by the same system.

Each set of women is being played against the other for various reasons. On one hand, you have a broken young woman who has always been told
she wasn’t “good enough.” She will almost always lack the skills necessary to approach dating in a positive, confident manner. This can cause her to do things out of her character in hopes of attracting a man.

Unknowingly, the same things catching the attention of potential temporary suitors are also the exact things that may deter a potential long-term partner.

Meanwhile, on the other hand, you have an equally broken young woman because she was always told that she was “better.” She will almost always lack the skills necessary to approach dating in a realistic, humble manner. This can cause her to be overly confident, and have an exaggerated self-appraisal. This exaggerated sense of self-appraisal will deter potential long-term partners because she believes that nothing is ever good enough for her, in various aspects of life.

Both sets of women are equally broken by the same system!  They have been “misguided” from adolescence. The actions that they take are not
“wrong” because that is what they have been taught by society. Yet, they are extremely misguided.

This doesn’t just work for different physical appearances; it can be attributed to many other aspects of a young woman’s life. I don’t believe a person can be considered “wrong” for doing what the world around them has taught them to do.

Ultimately, you have to be yourself and do what is right for you. Keep your head held high and remember; love yourself first!

He Says, She SaysShe Says: Angel

Answer to Question 1:

When it comes to what Black women and women in general, are doing “right” in the sense of dating, I believe it’s definitely being confident; knowing who you are and owning it.

You have to know your worth so you won’t keep dating the wrong men.

Also, do some serious introspection. If there are characteristics that you feel are unhealthy for yourself and other people, then change those things in order to be a better YOU; not just because you want to be liked and accepted by someone else.

Men love a confident woman; they see it like this: “If a woman can love herself this much, I can imagine the love she has to offer me!”

Question 1 – Part 2

As far as what women are doing “wrong” when it comes to dating, I would have to say not loving yourself. I say this because when you truly love yourself, you value your mind, body, and soul. Therefore, you do what is necessary to keep those things healthy. When you do that, you will naturally be attractive to men.

Think about what most men want from a woman: intelligence, well-kept, confident, and classy. Not to offend anyone at all, but I don’t believe a good man is looking to date a woman who shows off her body inappropriately on social media and to the public, or a woman who is giving her body to multiple men at one time.

So reverting back to what I said, when you love yourself you value yourself.

I know many women may be thinking, “Well, I am very confident and I always carry myself like a lady, yet I still cannot find a man!”

I want to let these women know that they should not be discouraged; and by all means, never degrade yourself to catch the attention of a man. When the time is right, your Prince Charming will come and sweep you off of your feet! Just be patient; it will be worth the wait, trust me.

 


Join In The Fray: Got a question for Angel and Jonathan? Send it c/o ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorl.com.

See you next time!

Copyright ©2016 Michelle Matthews Calloway, The Swirl World™ LLC, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, Swirl Nation™, All rights reserved. Photos used with permission.

Be sure to “Like” The Swirl World on Facebook and request to join our private Facebook Group!

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Filed Under: 2016, 2016 Posts, Black Women Living Well, BW/WM, Fantastic Fans, He Says, She Says Tagged With: beauty, Black women, dating, dating advice, interracial couple, interracial relationships, interracial romance, life, living well, love, self image

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Welcome!

I’m Michelle Matthews-Calloway, and I’m A Swirl Girl! Greetings to you from The Swirl World. We encourage Black women to expand their relationship options by dating and marrying interracially. Our overarching mission is to see Black Women live their best life. Come Swirl with us in The Swirl World™, where we celebrate Black women and the diverse men who love us!™

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