Millennials Angelique Evette Long and Jonathan Gamel are back with another installment of and our new series, He Says, She Says.
Each week, we’re posing the same question to Angel and Jon.
Our purpose is to glean some insight not only into the male and female perspective on the same question but more important, from the perspective of a Black woman and a White man involved in an interracial relationship.
Today’s Question: Let’s Talk Boundaries
This week, Angel and Jonathan respond to the question:
Give a general explanation of boundaries. How do you define boundaries? Why do Black women specifically, and women in general, need them?
He Says: Jonathan
If you are intending to date as a means of finding a partner, you must have boundaries. If you do not know exactly what you are willing to accept then how will you ever find someone who is compatible for the long-term?
I believe women in general are almost forced to set strict, more defined boundaries than men. If allowed, men will push the limits that a woman has set, and might not necessarily be comfortable with. She has to be confident enough within herself to uphold the boundaries that she has previously set, and be willing to move on if the man doesn’t want to comply.
She Says: Angel
Establishing boundaries is very important when it comes to dating. When you set boundaries it means that you have a strong sense of self and stand firmly on your beliefs and standards. In doing so, you will not tolerate anyone who cannot respect any boundary you set.
You feel comfortable telling a man “no” when he attempts to cross that line, without you feeling unsure or guilty. Remember, no matter how good a man may seem to you, if he is having trouble respecting your boundaries, then he is not the man for you.
Establishing healthy boundaries for your life in general is a good thing. It keeps you from over-working, over-giving, and over-doing yourself.
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See you next time!
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People need boundaries even if they are in a committed relationship. I have a specific one in mind: no physical violence towards one another, period. Had to learn the hard way.