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The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


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Attraction To Black Women: Fetish or Preference?

July 8, 2017 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 5 Comments

“Oh, it’s just a fetish.”

“He doesn’t really like her for her; he just wants to fulfill a fantasy.”

A White Man’s Attraction to Black Women: Fetish or Preference?

SIGH.

Let a non-Black man express his attraction to or, God forbid, preference for Black women. Someway, somehow this nasty little word pops up:

Fetish.

I’ve heard the word fetish so many times in connection with Back women,  I wish I’d been given $5 every times my eyes or ears were assaulted by the term.

If a non-Black man is attracted to or prefers Black women, why does the word “fetish” always pop up?

Reading is Fundamental

In other words, know what in the world you’re talking about before you use certain words. Doing so usually involves knowing what words mean.

That means taking the time to look words up so you can know the true definition of the word.

Fetish – or Wrong Motives?

Can a non-Black man have the wrong motives for wanting to become involved with a Black woman? Can he possibly have a desire to fulfill some “I wanna sleep with a Black woman fantasy?”

Of course he can!

But what he has isn’t a fetish – what he has are wrong motives. And guess what? Wrong motives are something any man can have.

He can also be racist. That’s why it’s important to learn how to vet, and vet properly.

To hear more about how to vet a racist, click here. To learn more about vetting, click here.

In this podcast episode, I define the meaning of the word fetish. I also debunk some of the misconceptions and myths.

Give it a listen, and let me know what you think!

If you cannot see the podcast player, click here or here.


Want to be a guest on The Swirl World Podcast, or know someone who should?

Send an email to Podcast@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Be sure to “Like” The Swirl World on Facebook and subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

You can also listen to the show on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher Radio, PlayerFM – and now on iHeart Radio!

 

Copyright © 2017 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™ LLC, The Swirl World Podcast™, Swirl Nation™, All rights reserved. 

 

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Filed Under: 2017 Posts, From the Mailbag, Podcast, Unscripted Tagged With: Black women, fetish, interracial, interracial dating, interracial relationships, motives, podcast, preference, swirl, swirling, White men

His White Ex-Girlfriend Called Me A Gorilla!

November 30, 2016 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

His White Ex-Girlfriend Called Me A Gorilla!

We receive lots of emails and messages on Facebook. Some of them are real doozies. This email was FIRE: “His White ex-girlfriend called me a gorilla!”

She called you a what?

A Gorilla.

Here’s the email, and Adrienne’s response.

Feel free to weigh in and let us know your thoughts!


Copyright ©2016 Michelle Matthews Calloway, The Swirl World™ LLC, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, Swirl Nation™, All rights reserved. Photo property of The Swirl World™ LLC.

Be sure to “Like” The Swirl World on Facebook and join our new Membership Community!

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Filed Under: 2016, 2016 Posts, Adrienne's Analysis, BW/WM, Fantastic Fans, From the Mailbag, Unscripted Tagged With: Becky, Black women, dating process, gorilla, interracial, interracial dating, interracial relationships, love, Marriage, online dating, swirl, swirling, White men

From The Mailbag: Can I Find Balance With An Independent Woman?

September 30, 2015 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 6 Comments

shareasimageBlackWomanWGlassesDaily we receive emails and Facebook in-boxes containing questions from our readers and fans.

We respond to many of them privately, post them on our Facebook page and in our private group.

Because we receive so many questions, Adrienne and I decided to re-institute our “From The Mailbag” feature.

Each week we’ll share a question and give you the opportunity to weigh in.

This week’s question comes from Chase, a Marine who is also a fan on our Facebook page:

I have friendships with gorgeous, intelligent, single black women. Some have asked my opinion and sometimes it’s a topic of general discussion about our single status. I express to my friends, speaking from my personal experience, some women give off (probably out of necessity) this extreme air of independence.

Most men want to feel needed and will pursue a woman who allows that need to be met. Some men will actually pursue a woman who is struggling because this allows him to be Prince Charming or her superhero.

I definitely do not advocate a woman relying so heavily on a man; I’m suggesting balance. Show him you need and want him, working together while pushing through it all and building a life for you and him. So, when his job takes him elsewhere, he knows you have the strength and independence to hold family and the relationship down.

This is what I think and wonder, deep inside. Can I find balance with an independent woman?

Thanks in advance,

Chase

 

Chase BernardiSo, what y’all think?

Join in the Fray and leave a response for Chase: Can a man find balance with an “Independent Woman?”

Got a question? We have answers! Inbox us on our Facebook page or send an email to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Copyright ©2015 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, Swirl Nation™, All rights reserved. Photo used with permission.

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Filed Under: Black Women Living Well, BW/WM, Fantastic Fans, From the Mailbag, Interracial Families, Swirling Singles, Uncategorized, We Love Our Military Tagged With: Black women, challenge, interracial dating, interracial relationships, life, living well, White men

Why You Should Stop Saying Race Doesn’t Matter

May 12, 2015 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

shareasimageDoesRaceMatter

So, does an individual’s race or ethnicity really matter?

You’re fooling yourself if you believe it doesn’t!

In this unscripted conversation, The Swirl World Podcast Co-host Adrienne Leach and team member Gynger Fyer, The Romance Arsonist share their thoughts concerning the REALITY of Black women’s preferences, racism and prejudices pertaining to interracial dating and marriage.

They believe Black women should stop saying race doesn’t matter, and they’re happy to tell you why they hold this belief.

Keep listening . . . .

Join in the Fray: Do you agree, or disagree with their views? Why or why not?

If you can’t see the podcast player, click here for the direct download or here for the show’s permanent link.

You can also listen to this and other episodes on Sound Cloud. If you can’t see the Sound Cloud player, click here.

You can also head over and listen to the show on iTunes, Stitcher Radio or PlayerFM.

 

Lavinia and BoughettoThe Shout Out! for this episode goes to cousins Lavinia Shebeshonuf and Boughetto Rising of the Just Thinkin’ Out Loud Podcast.

To visit the Just Thinkin’ Out Loud website, click here. To visit The Nerdy Black Chicks Talk Radio Show on Facebook, click here. To visit the Just Thinkin’ Out Loud Facebook page, click here.

To listen to their podcast on Stitcher, click here, and on Spreaker, click here. You can also listen to the show on PodBean and Podomatic.

Want to be a guest on The Swirl World Podcast, or know someone who should?

Send an email to Podcast@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Be sure to “Like” The Swirl World on Facebook and subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

You can also follow us on Sound Cloud and listen to the show on Stitcher Radio. You can also hear us on PlayerFM!

Copyright © 2015  Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, Swirl Nation™, All rights reserved. Photo property of The Swirl World™.  Photo logo of JTOL Media used with permission.

 

 

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Filed Under: Adrienne's Analysis, Black Women Living Well, BW/WM, From the Mailbag, Podcast Tagged With: Asian, Black women, ethnicity, Hispanic, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Latino, prejudice, race, racism, White men

Swirling, Southern Style!

April 6, 2015 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

shareasimagePodcast067

Here at The Swirl World we receive a number of emails and Facebook in-boxes, and we’re thankful for the positive feedback we receive.

Our emails come from men and women who appreciate our upbeat, positive take on interracial dating and marriage, aka Swirling.

One of our fans, Rod, a White man happily married to a Black woman and living in Birmingham, AL, reached out to us.

He wanted to share his perspective on swirling in Birmingham, AL – a place many of us may not associate in a positive way with interracial relationships.

In this special Men’s Edition Podcast, Rod talked to Adrienne and me about “Swirling, Southern Style,” and shared with us about life and love in Birmingham – a Southern city with a storied civil rights history.

Rod also debunks the myth of the “shy guy” and shares a unique tip on a place non-Black men can go to meet Black women.

Enjoy!

If you can’t see the podcast player, click here for the direct download or here for the show’s permanent link.

You can also listen to this and other episodes on Sound Cloud.

 

If you can’t see the Sound Cloud player, click here. You can also head over to iTunes or Stitcher Radio.

 

Mike StreetThe shout out for this episode goes to podcaster Mike Street of the “Smart Brown Voices” podcast and website.

Mike is a Digital Strategist living in Harlem NYC. #SmartBrownVoices is a passion project featuring the best and brightest voices of color working in the tech and creative space. If you’d like to be on his show shoot Mike an e-mail at smartbrownvoices@gmail.com.

Follow Mike on Twitter @MrMikeStreet and listen to his podcast at SmartBrownVoices.com.

Want to be a guest on The Swirl World podcast, or know someone who should? Send an email to Podcast@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Be sure to “Like” The Swirl World on Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or on Stitcher Radio! 

 

Copyright ©2015  Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™, The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, All rights reserved. Photo of interracial couple property of The Swirl World™. Photo of Mike Street obtained from SmartBrownVoices.com.

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Filed Under: BW/WM, Fantastic Fans, From the Mailbag, Interracial Families, Men's Podcast, OPEL, Uncategorized Tagged With: AL, Birmingham, Black women, interracial, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, Men's Edition Podcast, Mike Street, podcast, Rod, White men

Help! Am I Being Too Sensitive?

January 13, 2015 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway Leave a Comment

shareasimage

We often receive questions sent via email to our inboxes on Facebook and our blog email addresses.

Adrienne has taken up the bulk of this part of our work (bless her!). Her usual method has been to respond privately (oftentimes going back and forth, diving deep into responses and even following up with phone calls).

This year, we’re going to start sharing some of the emails we receive, and we’ll respond either here on the blog or via our podcast.

And yes, as women we can be very good at helping each other to figure things out.

Even so, some questions require a man’s take on an issue – and a man’s response.

Enter David Leach.

For some of the questions (and for this one), Adrienne’s husband David is going to give his take and provide his response.

WOOT!

 Here’s our first question for 2015:

 Hey.

I’m in my first interracial relationship at 44, he’s 57 and I’m not his first.  It took some time for me to be open to loving him, which I do and we are great together.  There are no non-Black people in my family, never have been. However, I’ve proudly introduced him to them.  My issue is he will not bring me to his family functions.  His father was in town for a week and my “friend” confirmed that if I were white I’d have been invited to meet the dad and mother, who lives here.  He said he didn’t want to disappoint his father. Ouch.

Today, after I told him how much I was hurt the last time, he did it again.  I cried the first time.  I’ve never had anyone treat me like an embarrassment or someone to be ashamed of.  I’m trying to not exaggerate the circumstances, but he’s almost 60.  Yes he says he loves me. And let me also add I’ve been introduced to his brother and cousin and a couple of friends.  Am I being too sensitive?  Or am I reading this in historical accuracy that having a Black woman on the side, yet not out in the open is the situation I am in?

I told him I need a couple of days to think. 

I’d appreciate your opinion.

Thank you,

TL

 

David’s response:

 

Hi TL,

 You are not being too sensitive. Men (and I use that term lightly in this instance) like this make me very angry. I’m approximately the same age as he is and I can’t fathom being afraid of what my parents would think about any decision I made. This man is clearly not in love with you or even interested in a serious, committed relationship. Otherwise, he would be PROUD to introduce you to his parents. In fact, he would want the whole world to know he loves you. The fact that he refuses to take the basic step of introducing you to his parents speaks volumes. Furthermore, he has already demonstrated that your feelings in this matter are unimportant to him.  I can’t imagine being with someone who is ashamed or embarrassed of me simply because of my skin color. You need to seriously ask yourself if you are willing to continue a relationship with someone like this. If he has not grown a spine and a set of balls by age 57, he never will. I personally believe that you can do better than this spineless jellyfish.

TL, you know what they say about a word to the wise . . . . Be sure to send us a follow-up email to let us know what you decided.

If you’d like to share your thoughts or experiences, feel free to leave them in the comments below.

 

Adrienne London Leach 2Have a question? Send it to Adrienne at INeedMySay@gmail.com or me ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

Copyright ©2015 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, The Swirl World Podcast™,  The Swirl World Inspiration Daily™, All rights reserved. Photo property of The Swirl World™.

 

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Filed Under: BW/WM, From the Mailbag, Guest Blog, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: interracial, interracial dating, interracial dating coach, questions, Relationships

From the Mailbag – I Want to Know How to Date Out!

February 22, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 4 Comments

MAILBAG

I receive emails from people around the globe.

Fans write to express how much they enjoy the blog; foes, not so much. 

Whether you love it or you hate it, I enjoy hearing from you.

Today’s post (edited to protect the writer’s anonymity) features a question I often receive:

Hey Michelle, how are you?….I’m writing because I recently broke up with my on & off again boyfriend of 8 yrs (long story..lol) I love your site because I have recently become open minded to dating outside of my race but I’m nervous and not really sure what to do since I’ve been kinda off the market for some time. I was looking thru the pics on your Facebook page and even liking some of them. Now my friends are asking me why!  I guess I’m just looking for some advise or words to get me out there to explore. I know I’m probably rambling & not making sense but I guess I just need to talk to someone like minded….hope to hear from ya soon.

This was my response:

Hi there, and thanks for writing! 

The first thing I would recommend is that you get yourself a copy of the book Swirling by Christelyn D. Karazin and Janice Roshalle Littlejohn (it’s on Amazon and at Barnes & Noble). The book contains tons of GREAT tips and covers the main tenets of IR dating from start to finish – it even lists the parts of the country that are the most open.

 

I have to tell you to be prepared for the backlash. One of the things I’ve observed in my studies is that for some strange reason, Black Women have been saddled with “maintaining the race,” and labeled as being a “race traitor” when they decide to date out – yet Black men date/marry out at a rate that is over 2 to 1 of the rate of Black women! It seems to be ok for THEM to do it but not us – go figure. Statistics also show that Black women have the lowest rates of interracial marriage. You have to really decide in your mind that this is YOUR life and YOUR choice, and ultimately your FIRST loyalties are to God and yourself.

Get Rid of Your Negativity

Don’t allow anyone’s negativity to hold you back. What a lot of Black women don’t realize is that while they are waiting/looking/checking for “Nothing But a Black Man” (NBABM), so are THOUSANDS of OTHER Black women – realistically speaking, how many Black men do you think there are to go around??? And not only that, many of the “good” Black men are not checking for Black women – they’re interested in women of other races. This reduces the pool of available Black men even further. If you’re in that NBABM mindset, the numerical odds are that you will either (1) wind up alone, or (2) wind up sharing a man. Men of other races outnumber Black men, which gives you ample more men to choose from if you just OPEN your mind and EXPAND your options. You don’t need EVERY quality non-Black man to like/want you – guess what? You only need ONE.

Shake Everyone Else’s Negativity

Don’t allow the negative feelings friends/relatives to hold you back, either. Women really do tend to sometimes have that “crab in a bucket” mentality. They’re alone, and (1) afraid to reach out to other races, or (2) either trying to “sister soldier” for Black men who are paying them no attention. Many of them will take a “How dare you” approach, because in reality you are leaving them behind. Why should ALL of you be alone??? Let them call you a sell out if they want to. When you think about it, what do you really want? You want a good man who shares many of your values, and will love you for you. Well, men like that come in more than one color. And for the women who say, “I want a Black man because he can understand/share my struggle,” my response is this: Are you SO shallow that a man of only ONE ethnicity can relate to you??? Really?? If a non-Black man doesn’t know your struggle, how ‘bout you educate him – and be educated by him in return? What’s wrong with that?

The Opportunity Has Probably Already Presented Itself!

With that being said, I’ll bet if you think about it, you’ve already been “hit on” by men of other races. Please know that they often tend to be much more subtle in their approach than Black men. Many White men are a bit hesitant/reluctant to step to a Black woman, not because they’re not interested, but rather because they’re not sure how she will receive their advances. Unfortunately, because of some of the reasons I listed above, many Black women react in strongly negative ways to White men’s advances, so it makes non-Black men somewhat timid. Plus, they tend to not be as aggressive and “in your face” as Black men are (think about it; a lot of Black men tend to think they have a RIGHT to approach you, and also think that you should automatically be responsive. SMH).

Why You Need to Make it a Great Experience – For Both of You

If a White man (or other non-Black man) compliments you, attempts to strike up a conversation with you, etc., most of the time it’s because he’s interested. Even if you’re not interested (for whatever reason), please still be nice, because you don’t want to spoil it for the next Black woman he wants to approach. Leave him with the thought and impression that Black women are friendly and approachable, not hateful and mean. Not only will it help him, it will also help to crush the negative Black women stereotypes out there. Let me also say that unless you have a VERY good reason for not being interested, give the man a chance – you really never know! 

Some Practical Tips

I suggest you examine your hobbies and interests, and start from there. Go online and check out Meet Up groups in your area. It’s a quick, easy, and usually free way to meet new people and expand your circle. Change some of the places you frequent – go to museums, libraries, etc., where people interested in the arts and culture usually frequent. I even suggest you investigate the events at your local Whole Foods Market!

Smile, Smile, SMILE!

I cannot stress enough how important it is to SMILE, be open, be FRIENDLY and APPROACHABLE. Be observant; it’s easy to start conversations over the simplest of things. Of course you still have to vet ANY man, regardless of race. Keep your standards high and don’t take any crap – the same way you would not from a Black man. Confidence is attractive, period – and men love confident women. I’m sure you maintain a neat and attractive appearance; that’s a given for a man of ANY race. (Interestingly, what you’ll find is that Black men are often FAR more critical of our looks than non-Black men are. We’re exotic to them, and the things that Black men tend to rag on – natural hair, skin tone, etc., non-Black men are DRAWN to and LOVE. Again, go figure!)

I have much more I can say – all of that is just for starters. Feel free to ask away, and bounce things off me!

Join in the Fray: What advice can you share? 

Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl, All rights reserved.

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Filed Under: From the Mailbag, Special, Uncategorized Tagged With: advice, couple, couples, dating advice, dating tips, friendliness, interracial, interracial couples, interracial dating, interracial marriage, interracial relationships, letter, Marriage, married, openness, swirl, swirling, unfriendliness, unfriendly, write, Writing

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Welcome!

I’m Michelle Matthews-Calloway, and I’m A Swirl Girl! Greetings to you from The Swirl World. We encourage Black women to expand their relationship options by dating and marrying interracially. Our overarching mission is to see Black Women live their best life. Come Swirl with us in The Swirl World™, where we celebrate Black women and the diverse men who love us!™

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