“Oh, it’s just a fetish.”
“He doesn’t really like her for her; he just wants to fulfill a fantasy.”
A White Man’s Attraction to Black Women: Fetish or Preference?
SIGH.
Let a non-Black man express his attraction to or, God forbid, preference for Black women. Someway, somehow this nasty little word pops up:
Fetish.
I’ve heard the word fetish so many times in connection with Back women, I wish I’d been given $5 every times my eyes or ears were assaulted by the term.
If a non-Black man is attracted to or prefers Black women, why does the word “fetish” always pop up?
Reading is Fundamental
In other words, know what in the world you’re talking about before you use certain words. Doing so usually involves knowing what words mean.
That means taking the time to look words up so you can know the true definition of the word.
Fetish – or Wrong Motives?
Can a non-Black man have the wrong motives for wanting to become involved with a Black woman? Can he possibly have a desire to fulfill some “I wanna sleep with a Black woman fantasy?”
Of course he can!
But what he has isn’t a fetish – what he has are wrong motives. And guess what? Wrong motives are something any man can have.
He can also be racist. That’s why it’s important to learn how to vet, and vet properly.
To hear more about how to vet a racist, click here. To learn more about vetting, click here.
In this podcast episode, I define the meaning of the word fetish. I also debunk some of the misconceptions and myths.
Give it a listen, and let me know what you think!
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Copyright © 2017 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™ LLC, The Swirl World Podcast™, Swirl Nation™, All rights reserved.
I agree with the commenter who said many who call WM that like BW fetishists are just against BW dating WM. I’ve seen many BM say it online, like on Instagram when a BW shows photos of her white husband/bf, the BM will just say, “you’re only a fetish for him,” Because no one is out there saying this when a man dates an asian, hispanic, or a BM dates a white woman.
I think there might be another reason for the people who say it’s a fetish, and to me this one is more sad. I think for some BW, it’s a deep down feeling that they aren’t worthy of being loved for who they are, and that breaks my heart. To me black women are the most amazing women in the world.
I’m also like the commenter who knew as a young boy that I was attracted to BW. I remember in 2nd grade, a buddy was flipping through a magazine he had with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, and he was showing us all of the beautiful woman, and he got to a BW, and he skipped passed her, but I remember catching a glimpse of her and wanting to see her. But by his reaction I felt like there was something wrong with me for finding her beautiful. Watching TV shows in the 80s-90s, I always saw the black girl (when I was younger, it was girls, as I got older it was women) in the peripheral, and she’s who I found beautiful. Always. Sneaking looks at my dad’s playboy magazines, all the girls were pretty, but it was the black woman that I craved seeing, and searched for. I was from a very small town in the north midwest, and we had no black girls/women in my town. There was one black girl in a town a short distance from ours, and I remember once she was in our town with our family, and I found one of my best friends in the park, kissing her. She was so pretty, and that moment implanted into my mind, to this day. I always wished I was him, kissing her (I was terrible with girls, and had low self-esteem back then).
Continuing on as a young man, I was always attracted to BW, but always felt they would have no interest in me as a white man. I was around many, being in the military, and because I thought they’d never date a white man, I was completely oblivious when they would outright hit on me. There was one air force woman I remember, she was really beautiful, and very friendly and sweet, and she was so tall. I think around 6′ or something. And she was always SO nice to me, and went out of her way to talk to me, and hang out with me. And I was oblivious. Then after awhile she started dating a different guy… who was white. And it was at that time that it kind of occurred to me that a bw could interested in a wm. But it wasn’t until many years later I dated a biracial woman, and having out with her and all of her black woman friends, they were all telling me about how hot they find white men. Though my relationship with her didn’t last long due to change of duty station, I never went back from bw. Now, I’ve been married to my bw wife for over 25 years.
I know this is a long story, but my point, is this all the act of someone who has a fetish? I don’t think so. Yes, I find bw to be the most attractive woman in the world, and if there was a line up of 20 beautiful women from all over, I would find the bw to be most attractive. I find Afro-centric facial features to be very attractive. I also find dark skin to be attractive. I think of Oluchi Onweagba to be an ideal looking woman, for me.
If there is one thing that is bw really bring out of me, it’s my protective/chivalrous nature. I think of all that bw have been through historically. How they’ve been hated on by everyone, white slave owners, black men, white women; and it brings out my protective nature. I want to take the burden off her shoulders, protect her, and let her take down her walls. To let someone take care of her for a change, and let someone protect her for once.
Good prodcast. Those who throw out that word ‘fetish’ are usually people who disapprove of I/R and are trying to shame Black women out of dating white men. It’s complete BS. What about the men who fetishize Asian women or Russian mail order brides? or Black men who date nothing but white women? Yet, no one is criticizing them! We Black gals have the right to date whomever we want who also wants us in return and I say the heck with what others put out there. If the white guy has bad motives that will come out soon enough, but to try to make it like it’s all about our blackness vs his creepiness? Just another way to try to hold Black women back IMO. Dogs come in all colors and it’s up to us to use discernment when it comes to dating, right?
On the question of whether WM love BW for themselves or as a fetish. . . . . I’m a WM who has always loved and had a preference for BW since I was in grade school. I remember when I was eight years old, I walked home from school, hand in hand, with a pretty black girl I had a crush on. This was the 1950’s mind you and that was VERY unusual. My dad was usually away on business, but this day he wasn’t. He happened to see us and called out to me “young man, I want to talk to you.” When I went in the house, he said “why were you holding hands with that little black girl?” I said “because I like her. He said “little white boys don’t hold hands with little black girl.” Naturally I said “why?’ He struggled to come up with an answer. “They just don’t. God wouldn’t like it.” I wasn’t convinced. Over the years, I became more and more attracted to black girl, especially in high school and college. It caused a lot of problems.
My point in telling all this is so you will understand that many white guys have always liked black girls and women. But until recently we weren’t allowed to show it. Even in high school guys would say “I wish I could ask her out, but my parents would kill me.” Yes, there are some WM who see BW as a fetish, but they would show their true nature fairly early on in dating. Other WM truly love BW because of all of the world’s women, BW are the most feminine———they have curves, beautiful African features and sensuous lips. So if a WM comes up to you and seems interested. Give him the benefit of the double.
I want to find someone fun & interesting a serious relationship
I had a rather explicit dream about a black girl when i was 9. Before i really knew what sex was about. Before i ever saw any black people (aside from a Brazilian football player, the game which is called “soccer” in the US), in fact before i saw any in movies. I lived in Israel till i was 11, so at the time of the dream, there was no black people in Israeli, none in the sense we understand of today, aside from a few Ethiopian Jews. Fetish? I don’t think so.