The Swirl World

Celebrating and Elevating Black Women - mind, body, soul and spirit!


Swirling Single Of The Week: Traci Milam!

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So yesterday we discussed the fact that having to “kiss a lot of frogs” seemed to be par for the course in the quest to find true love.

We said we believe that frogs don’t have to get in the way – The Swirl World is home to some pretty amazing people who simply need to meet each other.

We also put up a ton of DISCLAIMERS and gave you some good links to expert advice on vetting from Mrs. Eugenia Berg of “Married Girl In A Weird World.”

Now that we’ve gotten all the housekeeping done and all the disclaimers out-of-the-way, we’re happy to introduce our first Swirling Single Of The Week: Ms. Traci Milam!

Traci M 1

Woot Woot!

Traci, tell us about yourself.

I am 35 years old, and I live in Memphis, TN. I currently teach History in my local public school system. I am open-minded; I love studying and learning about different cultures.

I am an honest, genuine woman. If I give you a smile and a compliment I truly mean it. I will appreciate the right guy for who he is. I want my feminine power to compliment his masculine power.

Traci M 2

How do you approach relationships?

For me, doing little things are important; leaving notes for him just let him know that he’s in my thoughts. Speaking his “love language,” and willing to learn what makes him feel loved – making sure there is a balance of partnership to the relationship.

I am compassionate and a great listener. I think that this is a major part of maintaining a healthy relationship. I will support my partner, keeping the lines of communication open so that we can have those important conversations.  I want to be able to read his moods, understand his concerns, and NOT make fun of his insecurities. Sometimes showing empathy is all that’s needed.

I want to disagree in a respectful manner and remember that differences of opinions don’t have to crush the relationship.

I love to laugh am constantly finding the humor in life. Laughter is at times the best medicine for what ails you.

Traci M 3

Tell us about your family.

I am close to my family. We see one another at least once a week. We have a lot of fun together sharing…laughter can often be heard throughout my parent’s house when everyone visits.

I love going out with my two older sisters or just spending time sitting around shooting the breeze. My nieces and nephews are a joy to spend time with. I regularly attend their sports events, spelling bees, etc.

My parents are a true blessing in all of our lives. They are also hilarious. I often, tell my friends that my family should have their own reality show LOL!  😉

What do you like to do for fun?

I love traveling, visiting museums, going to live concerts and shopping.  I’m a real FASHIONISTA! 😉

I also love to dance – I was a competitive pom-pom dancer in high school. I danced for my college team and for an NFL team.

Traci M 5

What are your tastes in television and music?

One of my favorite TV channels is the History Channel. I’m historian after all!  I also love Modern Family and Big Bang Theory.

Musicians that I like: Prince, Lauryn Hill, Beyoncé, Gwen Stefani, Lady GaGa, Maroon 5, Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye, Erykah Badu, Kelis, Pink, Outkast and  The Roots.

Would you like to have children?

Children: I would like maybe to have one child.

Are you willing to relocate?

If the right person comes along I would, of course, discuss relocation as an option.

So Traci, what are you looking for in a mate?

Traci 7

Someone who is genuine:  A man who is honest with his partner and willingly shares how his day went and asks about mine in return. A man who gives a woman a genuine compliment to her face rather than wolf whistling. One who says “Please” and “Thank you,” and means it.

A man who is just kind to others and not just for his own self-interest.

A man who is Good-Hearted: Kind and generous; romantic and family oriented.

Getting to know her parents and actually taking the time to earn their trust and approval. (Some people think that asking them for permission before proposing is outdated, but I still believe in it.)

Someone who won’t mind sending a little message to make sure I got home alright, and actually mean it, or bring flowers, just because – no need to wait for a special occasion.

Possesses emotional Intelligence and is very supportive – He leaves the lines of communication open so that we can have meaningful conversations. He tries to understand my concerns, and does NOT make fun of my insecurities.

A man who argues in a respectful manner and remembers that differences of opinions don’t have to crush the relationship.

Intelligent and supportive: Knowledgeable of general world events and able to converse in a socially acceptable manner. College educated would be great but I also absolutely love a man in uniform – military man, police officer, firefighter, etc. 😉

And, of course, I am willing to support his dreams as long as the risk is viable. We will be a team, partners – us against the world! 😉 

 So there you have it! If Traci seems like a lady you’d love to meet, send an email to Profiles@TheSwirlWorld.com.

 

Want to be profiled here on the blog and on our Facebook page? Contact us via inbox on Facebook or send an email to Profiles@TheSwirlWorld.com.

 Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.

 

 

How Interracial Dating/Marriage Has Evolved Over The Past Decade (Guest Blog)

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Howdy!

My big event is tonight so I have a guest filling in for me today.

I’ll be back tomorrow to fill you in on all the deets. 

In the meantime, please give a Swirl World welcome to Swirler Marcela De Vivo!

Views on race relations in America have dramatically improved over the last several decades, and those improvements have been significant enough to change the way that we look at interracial marriage in our country.

In fact, interracial marriage has gone from being illegal (up until as late as 2000 in some states), to being culturally accepted and encouraged in our society. This is certainly a positive shift as these marriages are producing children that are blurring the lines between race, and causing it to be seen for what it is– little more than a societal construct.

But even up into the 1980’s and 1990’s, biracial marriage, though mostly legalized (it’s amazing that it wasn’t completely legalized by then), was considered in some to be places taboo, and in most places, strange and unusual at best.

couple

The bottom line is that few people would have considered it a “good thing”, which is a major difference between how our culture looked at interracial marriage then, and how we look at it now. Today, 15-percent of new marriages are between spouses of different ethnicity, which is a dramatic increase from the 6-percent in 1980.

This is a visible testament to the shift of public opinion we’ve seen over the past few decades, and suggests that we’ll see interracial marriage continue to evolve and expand in the decades to come.

Becoming Culturally “Normal”

While the legislative process took decades, the process of eliminating the cultural stigmas associated with interracial marriage is just now coming to a completion.

For example, despite the fact that interracial marriage was legal in 1987, it enjoyed a much poorer verdict in the court of public opinion, where only 48-percent supported dating between African Americans and Caucasians. That kind of number sounds crazy in our day, where 83-percent would now say they support interracial dating and marriage.

The major reason for that is because there was still a high percentage of the population who grew up in the 50’s and 60’s, when segregation was still a major part of American society. By the 80’s and 90’s, although those individuals were older, they were still able to shape our society. Those who were born in the 80’s and 90’s only see segregation in the history books, and almost universally view it as unacceptable and a stain on our country’s history.

Generational Gap

For example, when 18 to 29 years olds were asked if they thought interracial marriage was “a change for the better for society”, 61-percent of them said yes. When the same question was posed to those 65 and older, only 28-percent said yes.

These statistics show a distinct generational gap in the way younger people view race relations compared to how older people view them.

However, it also highlights a big reason for how and why things are changing in our society. Those older generations, as they begin to not have such a great impact on our society, are making up less and less of the population, and those who grew up without any racial bias are beginning to take the reigns of public opinion.

As that happens, multiracial marriage has increased both statistically, as well as in terms of popularity, and will continue to do so until mixed-race children make up most of the country’s demographic– some say as early as 2050. At that point, as more and more biracial children are being born, the racial makeup of our country will essentially be “reset”, where the line between white and black won’t matter nearly as much as it does today.

Human Beings Instead of Societal Constructs

While certain aspects of a race-based society have their place (ethnic backgrounds, heritage, music, culture, preferences etc.), categorizing people solely by race, which is ultimately not their only source of identity, marginalizes them as human beings, regardless of what race they actually are.

A society should view individuals, first and foremost, as human beings and citizens of the country they live in. Racially constructed societal barriers, whether they’ve been by way of the law, culture or popular opinion, at best have hindered, and at worst done significant damage to the relationships between individuals and different groups of people in America.

 

Marcela De Vivo Marcela De Vivo is a freelance writer, mother of three and business owner in Southern California. Over the past decade, she has noticed how much more accepting society is of interracial dating and marriage. She is even in an interracial relationship herself. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter today!

Lovingly Submitted

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In the past couple of weeks I’ve been hearing news and  reading a lot of blogs about the anniversary of the Civil War.

 Of course I’m happy about the outcome. What Black person or person of color – particularly in the United States – wouldn’t be?

Black people have suffered a lot of drama and trauma since May 12-13, 1865, the date of the last reported battle of the War. On both sides soldiers shed a river of blood in that war which is quite a sobering thought, yet today in 2011 we have blowhards like Donald Trump believing he’s being broad-minded and a champion of the people when he makes really intelligent statements asserting that he “has a great relationship with the blacks.”

Sigh.

*_*

Sorry folks, I’m feeling some kinda way about that statement and just had to get that out.

On another note, what the talk of the Civil War anniversary really made me think about was the wonderfully compelling love story of Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving, who in June of 1958 decided to buck the tide of ignorance and racism and pursue their American dream, which was to spend their lives living and loving each other in holy (and legal) matrimony. They had to go to Washington, DC for the ceremony but were arrested in their own bedroom in the middle of the night by sheriff’s deputies for the “crime” of interracial marriage. 

Mildred Loving and her husband Richard P Loving are shown in this January 26, 1965 file photograph

The Lovings were prosecuted by the state and sentenced to a year in prison for their “crime” but allowed to leave Virginia in exile.  

They lived in exile, separated from their families and banished from the home state they loved, for five years and finally grew tired of the fact that they couldn’t live as a married couple in any state they wanted to live. They decided to fight back and in June of 1967, nine years to the month that they were married, in a landmark Supreme Court case they eventually won the right to live and live in marital bliss anywhere in the United States.     

Thankfully, I’m feeling some kinda way about that, too.

Richard and Mildred Loving - Love transcends race

Trump’s statement struck a nerve in me because it made me painfully aware of the fact that racism – whether inherent, overt or covert, real or imagined, never seems to be far from the surface. I’m grateful for the advances that have been made, yet I’m mindful of the fact that 1967 was only 44 years ago.

Yesterday (April 15, 2011) the world premiere of  The Loving Story, a documentary telling the story of Richard and Mildred, debuted at the 13th annual Full Frame Festival in Durham, NC.   

 Though the documentary tells the Lovings’ story of forbidden and what-was-then-illegal interracial love, it also explores the heavier themes of miscegenation and racism.

[Sidenote: Get ready for it (and go ahead and get over it): Those are themes we’ll discuss in upcoming blog posts. You have Donald Trump to thank for that – I had originally intended to keep this blog pretty light but his statement really made me feel some kinda way. Those posts will be lovingly submitted, of course.]

 The Loving’s story had a bittersweet ending. In 1975, 17 years after their marriage, Mildred Loving lost her husband Richard in a tragic car accident. Mildred died in 2008 but she never remarried, and in a statement issued on the 4oth anniversary of the historic Supreme Court decision (June 12, 2007 – the year before she died) she declared:

Richard and Mildred Loving - Reflecting a more perfect union

“ . . . not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the ‘wrong kind of person’ for me to marry.”

Today I thank God for Richard and Mildred Loving, and for them having a love for one another that transcended the climate and laws of their day. I thank God I live in a country where, like Mildred, I can freely choose the person I believe is the right person for me to marry. And, like Mildred, not a day goes by that I don’t think of SM and our love, our right to marry, and how much it means to me to have the freedom to marry the person most precious to me.

I like to think that God lovingly submitted SM to me – and me to him.

Join in the fray:

What has been “lovingly submitted” to you?