“How do you guys do it?”
Those of us who date and marry interracially often hear this question.
Many people wonder how individuals of different ethnicities and cultures meet, become attracted to each other, date, marry and have children.
(or some variation of the above)
Some people believe interracial relationships are complicated, dangerous, not worth the time or trouble, undesirable ____________________.
(fill in the blank)
For those of us who are undeterred by the seeming negatives, this is how we do it:
We simply view interracial relationships as an opportunity to expand our dating and marriage options.
We discover the similarities and common ground – the shared values and worldviews.
As we grow in our mutual discoveries, we include another key component:
We respect each others’ differences.
And in the grand scheme of things, isn’t that what we have to do to build a relationship with anyone?
Yeah, it really is that simple.
Join in the Fray: Interracial relationships: How do you “do it?”
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Right. Now that’s tempting:-)
Jeff, Facebook will take you as far as seeing the page of the group, but it won’t allow you to join or view the page unless you sign up, or unless you are looking via someone else’s account. You don’t necessarily have to get into the whole “scene” of Facebook. You can set up a simple profile just so you can surf or visit pages that interest you.
For real? I had the idea that one has to join Facebook to join a group.
Jeff, come on over and join us! LOLOLOLOL! You don’t have to do the whole Facebook “thing” – you can like the page and join our group. Come on! *Grins* 🙂
Excellent, what you say regarding the posting of photos of couples so as to increase the “ordinariness” of them in mass perception. I see a few more than i used to, Black/white heterosexual couples have tended in the past to be overwhelmingly male, for reasons that have discussed often, need to be discussed more.
Go ahead, tempt me to join Facebook!:-) I have problems with the concept, lament the fact that several websites enabling free connections have gone dormant. And i do still hope that the face-tp=face social world can somehow be expanded., in particular music clubs. Even many live music situations nowadays seem to have less interactions between strangers.
Jeff, I believe we would all do/would have done a lot more things were it not for cultural pressures. Some are able to press past it, yet alas, many more are not. That’s one reason why we post so many photos of couples – we want people to see these relationships as normal. I think diversity helps people to be more open and receptive – they more they see it, they more it becomes “ordinary.”
You bring up some very interesting points about the changing dynamics in meeting people. I read something recently covering this same topic. The writer lamented the fact that back in the day, when a man was interested he had to physically approach a woman – the interaction was very much more “face to face.” We receive a number of emails and messages from what we call “Seasoned Swirlers,” who are considered “mature” (45-50 and above). My friend Brenda (the one who swirls with rock stars) formed a group on Facebook specifically for this demographic. Needless to say, there are loads more women in the group than men.
Yes, really that simple, any relationship, if genuine, grows out of interactions which lead to discovering “similarities and common ground – the shared values and world views.” And any relationship also involves the realization of some differences. I was intendedly programed to avoid relationships with black women, to some extent Latinas as well, such relationships being viewed as stepping down from my social position (which actually wasn’t all that elevated, the absurdity of such a perspective in the first place aside). The differences aren’t necessarily a barrier, as speaking personally i found the physical differences between black women and other women to be an attraction factor. for me Beyond physical differences there are often cultural ones, but i tend to think we have an instinctual desire to widen our horizons, not stick to the same old thing. We tend to do the latter out of cultural pressures rather than because “that’s what feels right.”
How to meet? That’s the big question today. Up to one’s early 20s, school is often the arena. Past that, things get more difficult. Yes, people meet online. I find that method very problematic. When i was growing up, there used to be much more of a public social space where people would meet. This space has been severely eroded. There are clubs, but these increasingly seem specialized as to what people’s music preferences are, both by age as well as culture niche, which is often ethnic/racial in nature. My weekly music event is largely segregated, though there have been some small hopeful changes lately, as there should be. In many ways, blacks and whites are more socially segregated now than at any time since the 1960s, when formal barriers began to fall. And the new barriers tend to at least appear as if self-selected, though in my opinion much of it is marketing, And things get very difficult as one ages. Age segregation is very noticeable.