Archives for January 2015

We often receive questions sent via email to our inboxes on Facebook and our blog email addresses.

Adrienne has taken up the bulk of this part of our work (bless her!). Her usual method has been to respond privately (oftentimes going back and forth, diving deep into responses and even following up with phone calls).

This year, we’re going to start sharing some of the emails we receive, and we’ll respond either here on the blog or via our podcast.

And yes, as women we can be very good at helping each other to figure things out.

Even so, some questions require a man’s take on an issue – and a man’s response.

Enter David Leach.

For some of the questions (and for this one), Adrienne’s husband David is going to give his take and provide his response.

WOOT!

 Here’s our first question for 2015:

 Hey.

I’m in my first interracial relationship at 44, he’s 57 and I’m not his first.  It took some time for me to be open to loving him, which I do and we are great together.  There are no non-Black people in my family, never have been. However, I’ve proudly introduced him to them.  My issue is he will not bring me to his family functions.  His father was in town for a week and my “friend” confirmed that if I were white I’d have been invited to meet the dad and mother, who lives here.  He said he didn’t want to disappoint his father. Ouch.

Today, after I told him how much I was hurt the last time, he did it again.  I cried the first time.  I’ve never had anyone treat me like an embarrassment or someone to be ashamed of.  I’m trying to not exaggerate the circumstances, but he’s almost 60.  Yes he says he loves me. And let me also add I’ve been introduced to his brother and cousin and a couple of friends.  Am I being too sensitive?  Or am I reading this in historical accuracy that having a Black woman on the side, yet not out in the open is the situation I am in?

I told him I need a couple of days to think. 

I’d appreciate your opinion.

Thank you,

TL

 

David’s response:

 

Hi TL,

 You are not being too sensitive. Men (and I use that term lightly in this instance) like this make me very angry. I’m approximately the same age as he is and I can’t fathom being afraid of what my parents would think about any decision I made. This man is clearly not in love with you or even interested in a serious, committed relationship. Otherwise, he would be PROUD to introduce you to his parents. In fact, he would want the whole world to know he loves you. The fact that he refuses to take the basic step of introducing you to his parents speaks volumes. Furthermore, he has already demonstrated that your feelings in this matter are unimportant to him.  I can’t imagine being with someone who is ashamed or embarrassed of me simply because of my skin color. You need to seriously ask yourself if you are willing to continue a relationship with someone like this. If he has not grown a spine and a set of balls by age 57, he never will. I personally believe that you can do better than this spineless jellyfish.

TL, you know what they say about a word to the wise . . . . Be sure to send us a follow-up email to let us know what you decided.

If you’d like to share your thoughts or experiences, feel free to leave them in the comments below.

 

Have a question? Send it to Adrienne at INeedMySay@gmail.com or me ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.

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