I just sit in these flames,
and pray that you’ll come back,
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that
I’m dreaming . . . Come wake me up.
The new Rascal Flatts’ CD has been in heavy rotation this week. I have very eclectic tastes in music, and my music tastes are as wide-ranging as my moods. Several of the songs are so good that I keep them on repeat while I’m driving – and for me, this repeat mode can last all day. #dontjudgeme
There’s a method to my madness: When a song is worthy of this highly concentrated repeat mode, it’s because I’m meditating on the words, extracting meanings and applications for my life, or even using the song to gauge how much I’ve advanced (or haven’t) in dealing with certain situations or emotions. Let me give you an example:
A “break up” song like Come Wake Me Up one has three cycles:
Stage 1: Tears are flowing; this song speaks the sentiments of my heart, blah, blah, blah. Pass the tissues, please.
Stage 2: I’ve passed through Stage 1, but the song is still too painful to listen to and can potentially put me back in Stage 1 if I’m not careful. *Skips the song on the CD*
Stage 3: The sound is turned up, and I’m singing along, hitting all the high notes. I’m happy as a clam because I’ve made it through the first two stages, and the fact that I’m enjoying the song lets me know that the heartbreak cycle is over.
Today I’m adding a Stage 4: The words of the song give me a revelation.
Yes, I know the original meaning of Come Wake me Up is to convey that the singer wants his lost love to come and “wake him up” from the pain he’s experiencing at losing her. How many of us can relate to that??? The aftermath of a breakup is surreal; so much so that you sometimes want to pinch yourself and wonder if the fact that you and your S/O are no longer together has placed you in the Twilight Zone. Surely, surely you’re dreaming, and you want him or her to “come and wake you up.”
Break-ups are usually traumatic and emotionally draining, even when there’s no accompanying drama. Allowing yourself to go through a period of healthy introspection, evaluation, and release is a must. To each his own, but I don’t advocate jumping from one relationship immediately into another. Instead, face the pain. Get reacquainted with yourself. The same love that hurts is also the same love that heals. Once you direct love inward, towards you, at some point you’ll be again able to direct it outward, and hopefully this time towards someone who is worthy of that love.
So, let it hurt, because the good news is that you’ll find that you come to my Stage 4 epiphany, where Come Wake Me Up loses its negative connotation and becomes positive. Come Wake Me Up is what your heart begins to sing to the good guy out there; the one who makes himself emotionally available to give you the love that you need and deserve. The one who won’t take you for granted or abuse you, but will appreciate and cherish you. The one that you can give to without fear of exploitation, rejection, or desertion. A love that gives back. That’s the kind of love we all want. The kind of love that will come wake us up, and then say, “Come away with me.”
Join the fray: What area of your life need to wake up, and why?
Hi! Thanks so much for sharing your story. I so love what you said about what happened to you when you came through your failed relationship: “I had a better sense of who I was, what I wanted, and why I was unwavering about my needs being met in a relationship . . . If it doesn’t feel right or good to me, it’s time to communicate.” That is one of the BIG pluses we come away with. We learn what works for us and what won’t, and if what we’re asking is reasonable and normal then we refuse to settle for relationships that ignore our needs or let them continually go unmet. Instead of becoming resentful about not having couple time, you simply ask for it – and get it. And, as you said, above all, we have to love ourselves. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom. I trust your friend will hang in there and let love have it’s perfect way in her, and complete any missing areas in her life.
Wow, thanks for the post Michelle. After a long night of praying and trying to find the right words and wisdom to comfort a dear friend over a failed relationship; your words of wisdom have definitely come right on time. I’m grateful that after 20 years of marriage(July 18th), my love and I have come to a place of joy within because we were not afraid to allow each other to grow, but we celebrated our differences and found peace in being able to complement each other.
I do, however; remember the younger days ( in college) allowing a song ( byNatalie Cole) to resonate through my entire being. Though it seemed like a negative thing during stage 1, I found victory after having gone through all of the stages of healing from a failed relationship. I came out victorious. I had a better sense of who I was, what I wanted, and why I was unwavering about my needs being met in a relationship. I must say it has worked for me (and I married that guy). If it doesn’t feel right or good to me, it’s time to communicate. And that goes both ways. We’ve relied on a lot of communication to keep this marriage thriving. For instance, with three teenage sons, our lives can spin out of hand (if we allow it to do so). My husband doesn’t always stop and think about our relational needs or even his needs. But I don’t mind letting him know, I need to be “courted” . We make plans to spend time together—-be it a simple date night or a short getaway together. I love being loved. If all else fails there are two things that I am sure of: God loves me and I love me. Everthing and everyone else is an added bonus.
Angela, exactly!!! Thanks for commenting.
So true! It’s like taking medicine; my Grandmother used to say, “This may not taste good TO you but it’s good FOR you. It works if we allow it to, and when/if we do, we eventually see the benefit.
That’s the greatest lesson I’ve gotten as of recently, if you face your pain, you overcome it. I think it seems counter-intuitive for most people but boy does it work great.
Been there. Done that. Excellent post.
Hi Mark! Thanks for your comments. I believe a failed relationship leaves an open wound that has to be healed, and part of the healing process is, as you said, seeing the wound for what it is and being completely honest about how and why it got there. If we just slap a band aid over it (when it needs stitches instead), we do run the risk of getting another wound on top of the once we already have. Great insights; thanks for sharing them.
Hi Eugenia, you’re right; people have a tendency to run from pain rather than face it. The trouble is, you can’t get away from it because you carry the hurt inside you – so you might as well deal with it, learn the lessons, and move forward. Thanks for commenting.
I enjoyed your comments. There were a couple sentences that really hit home with me and I have to agree with you 100%. When you experience a failed relationship, there must be a period of time in which you look back over your past relationship and ask yourself some tough questions and be willing to accept the answers. I couldn’t agree more when you wrote “allowing yourself to go through a period of healthy introspection, evaluation, and release is a must “.
I believe too many of us find it easier and maybe less painful to blame a failed relationship on our “no longer significant other” instead of looking at what actions or inactions which might have aided or even caused the relationship to fail. Without taking these steps only increase the chances that your next relationship will end the same way ; in failure.
Yes break ups are hard and I’ve always been reticent to date men who seem to jump from one relationship to another with no time for self or self-introspection. I just think some people have a hard time being alone and many people have a hard time facing and overcoming their pain. Doing those things helped me, helped make me better mentally and helped make me a better mate. I’m glad I didn’t avoid them. Good post.