forgiveness Archives - The Swirl World

Remembering Emmanuel

December 24, 2015 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

Given that this is the season of holiday parties, uplifting religious services and jammed stores, I may be in danger of coming off like the Grinch-or worse. But there’s a counterpoint to the holidays I’d like to talk about.

Thinking Of The “Emmanuel Nine”

In an era where mass shootings have become almost commonplace, I’ve found myself thinking particularly of the “Emmanuel Nine,” the Charleston pastor and congregants of the Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church shot dead in June by a twisted white-power racist.

I’m disturbed by any deranged gunman with an agenda who opens fire, but this one feels much more personal and thought-provoking. Let me explain.

Time Magazine did an excellent cover story last month on the months-later aftermath of the shooting. In addition to recounting how the survivors and families have struggled to go on, the article explored some very fundamental questions related to forgiveness, such as: who has the power to forgive, who benefits more from the act; the one who forgives or the forgiven and whether it’s truly possible to “forgive and forget.”

Struggling With Forgiveness

I’ve struggled with forgiveness myself and it’s been much on my mind as of late. A lot of us have, I know. It’s easy to mull over old slights and such.

I think the best approach in the case of a truly heinous wrong is to forgive the act while telling the malefactor of the pain they’ve caused and to then top that off with an admonition to change. And frankly, I flunk that test a good percentage of the time. What’s your approach? Feedback would be welcome.

We saw that play out in a Charleston courtroom less than 48 hours after the last gunshots reverberated. It was truly wrenching and amazing at the same time.

True And Admirable Qualities

The second touchstone is that the victims and their families remind me of the people of color in my life. They are and were southerners in the finest sense of the word.

I’m referring to a sense of pride in place, a closeness of family and knowledge of its roots, an open, welcoming heart and the desire to serve. They’re not saints of course, but I’ve seen wonderful blessings that have flown from those values during my 15 years in Atlanta.

I’m lucky to have such friends and the world is a better place because of them and the Emmanuel souls, who graciously welcomed a disturbed youngster with a desire for racial war into a bible study and paid for it with their lives.

I can’t imagine the pain the survivors and families are going through, this first Christmas without their loved ones.

The third is I’ve spent time in Charleston. What a lovely, gracious city it is. And that makes what happened there all the more, well, surrealistic.

Sending Good Thoughts And Prayers

Yeah, I know we‘re focused on the Jolly Old Elf, the birth of Christ and Chanukah (not to mention finding that PERFECT gift), but if you would, take a moment and send good thoughts and prayers toward Charleston.

And think about forgiveness. True forgiveness washes away many of the toxins and bitter angers of life. And we all need a good cleansing of the soul now and then.

The best to you and yours this holiday season.

Mark Woolsey is a veteran broadcaster, freelance writer and aspiring blogger. This is Mark’s third piece for The Swirl World. Expect regular contributions in 2016!

The Cure For BIG Mistakes

September 9, 2013 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 61 Comments

My Mother purchased this eraser for me earlier this year when I was working on dissertation edits.

Needless to say, I needed this eraser – and used it often.

The writing on the eraser proudly proclaims: “For BIG Mistakes.” I thought about those words, what an eraser does, and wished the Dollar General made one that could be used on life’s big mistakes.

Have you ever done something you wished you could erase?

Made a decision to go right – when you should have gone left?

Said “Yes” when you should have said, “No?”

Walked away when you should have stayed?

Stayed when you should have walked away?

Unfortunately, neither life nor the Dollar General comes with an eraser For Life’s BIG Mistakes. We have always been told that we should learn from our mistakes, and that’s certainly true enough. Yet, mistakes don’t have to be self-made for us to learn from them; shucks, we can look at the mistakes of others and take a lesson if we choose to pay attention.

I also believe we learn the cure for a BIG mistake when we start over. We take the eraser and start swiping. The relief and the release come when we erase.

How do we erase? We erase when we let go; choose to forgive ourselves if the mistake was ours, or forgive someone if the mistake was theirs.

Erase; erase.

We erase when we decide to accept the concept of imperfection: Screw ups, blunders, lapses in judgment, missteps and major disasters. Yes; those imperfections can happen to us – and they can certainly happen to others. (You know – those people who do/did us wrong).

Erase, erase, erase.

We demonstrate that we have learned the cure for BIG mistakes when we dust off, regroup, recover and keep moving forward. Sadder? Maybe. Wiser? Definitely!

We move forward; on and up to the next step. We physically and emotionally put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

We soon discover not only have we progressed; we’ve grown and matured.

Ultimately, we see that we are better for the mistake.

And that’s when we know the cure is complete.

Join in the Fray: When have you had to use a BIG eraser?

Love Never Fails

May 26, 2011 By Michelle Matthews-Calloway 2 Comments

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV)

The prayers, words of encouragement, and affirmations have been pouring in, and I just want to take a moment to say “Thank you!” I am in the throes of this difficult exam but I am determined to stay the course. Passing this exam is the last major hurdle before moving on into the steps for preparing and writing my dissertation – I’ve come too far and through too much to stop now!

I was just whispering a brief prayer of thanksgiving for the love I am blessed to have in my life, and then the song Tell Him by Colbie Caillat popped on in my iPod. This song was written by Lauryn Hill and for those of you who don’t know; it is a take on a passage in the Bible from 1 Corinthians 13, which is also known as “The Love Chapter.”

A portion of the passage is provided above, but here are some highlights from Lauryn’s song:

Let me be patient let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer I’ll envy it not
And endure what comes . . .

Now I may have faith to make mountains fall
But if I lack love then I am nothin’ at all
I can give away everything I possess
But am without love then I have no happiness
I know I’m imperfect
and not without sin
But now that I’m older all childish things end

I’ll never be jealous
And I won’t be too proud
Cause love is not boastful
And love is not loud

Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on Earth
But if I speak wrong then what is it worth?

To me, so much of what 1 Corinthians 13 says speaks to relationships. Of course when we think of “relationship” we often think of our S/O, and it certainly applies. But this passage (and song) is so much broader than that – it speaks to our relationships with people: how we interact with them and how we treat them. This love thing is a two-way street, and everyone in the equation is tasked with the responsibility of making sure they love each other right. And you know what? That “rightness” means not focusing so much on what you do to me and how you love me, but how I love YOU.

Focusing on how I love you gives me the ability to first realize and recognize my imperfections, and that I need love and tolerance just as much as you do. Next, focusing on how I love you enables me to do what the passage says: Be patient, be kind; not boastful or proud. It helps me to not dishonor or mistreat someone – and if I am mistreated, to not keep a record of the wrong that has been done to me, but to forgive and let it go. It helps me to always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere.

In other words, it helps my love to never fail.

When SM and I made the big decision to date exclusively with the intent of marriage, we both had to take a long, hard look at the potential impact our relationship might project on our family and friends. Yes, the decision was ours to make, but we had to be realistic and decide if we cared enough to continue loving each other in spite of any obstacles we faced. I remember telling SM that the only person who could change the way I felt about him – was him. When I love, I love. Period. The end. (And yes, he made the same affirmation to me).

I believe if more couples approach their relationship armed with a “my love will never fail” mentality, they would be able to withstand any storm life sends their way.

[Sidebar: Ahhh . . . so much for my not engaging in any “heavy thinking!”]

*_*

Here are three versions of the song for you to enjoy!