Where my football fans at? LOL!
My Dad is on deck in his chair and he’s parked in front of the television.
He’s been looking a bit forlorn since the end of basketball season; making do with the occasional golf match.
The pre-season games have begun and I tell you, he’s standing tall like a wilted flower that’s just been watered.
I’m ready for some football – first because my Dad and brothers love it so much and second, because I love it so much. Few things provide prime bonding opportunities for a girl and her guy than televised or live sports.
Not only that, sporting events and watch parties can present prime opportunities for Swirling.
Let the games begin! Geaux Saints!
Join in the Fray: What’s your favorite sport and team? Sound off!
Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.
Huge. Epic. Side eye.
o_O
Okay, you females, listen UP!
……(waits for idle Chick-chat, fluffy irrelevancy, and the low hum of Estrogen Overload to die down……)
Hey! You 2 in the corner, talking about the latest Lifetime Movie of the Week! Nobody CARES! Move on, or move OUT!!!
There!
Whew! This place was INFESTED! A good spray of Old Spice, that’s what this place needs!
Now…where was I? Oh, that’s right–Football!
A few simple rules, and you babes will be ready to fulfill your God-given role in the lives of your men and the football they love.
Rule # ONE: The proper uniform, if you are able to rock it, is a short, pleated skirt with wife-beater top, all team color co-ordinated, of course. Key words, “if you are able to rock it…” Heels are nice, but Roman Gladiator sandals will be more comfortable. Boots are only acceptable for Cowboy and Bronco fans, y’hear?
If you’re unable to rock the look, then pick a pair of shorts that covers the thigh-cheese. Please?
Rule # TWO: Comments are restricted to FOOTBALL! Criticizing the cheerleaders is strictly forbidden! They are there for OUR pleasure, not for the Feminine Hate-Fest. Remember, don’t hate, appreciate!
Rule # 2B–Any comments MUST be restricted to Commercial Time. Talk quick, commercials are 15 seconds! If you take too long to ask the questions, you run the risk of having to wait for Halftime, and, if the halftime show stars a female whose feminine pulchritude exceeds that of the cheerleaders, you can Officially Forget It. We men have to discuss these things, y’know.
Rule # THREE: A properly build ham sandwich is a must. Read my book: “The Properly Hand-Crafted Ham Sandwich and It’s Accompanied Liquid Refreshment, Red Kool-Aid” for guidance…
Huh?
Don’t look @ me like that! You White girls KNOW you don’t how to make Red Kool-Aid!
Ok, Quiz! How many inches of sugar should be in the bottom of the pitcher after stirring?
(Final Jeopardy music in background….)
Okay, let’s see your answers! Autumn….”None???”
“Nope, sorry!”
Heather…”I don’t use sugar, I use Splenda! It’s healthy, and it’s good for the environment!”
Deep sigh……”Kindly remove yourself…there, that’s a good tree-hugger Who’s next? Secretia? What’s your answer?”
Secretia….”Two inches! E’rybody knows that! But I aint wearin’ no Roman sandals, them thangs cut into yo’ ankles!”
Okay, I quit……..
I will keep you updated.
Cool! You will have a blast, I already know! Be sure to let me know how it turns out.
The game I plan on attending will be my very first NFL game.
April, that would be nice! The last game I went to was a Cowboys game – and I’m not even a fan! The energy is incredible.
Hopefully this season I can attend a game.
April, you KNOW that’s what’s up! GEAUX SAINTS! Woot Woot!
Elle – so true! My Dad and I have great times together watching the games. We don’t always root for the same team, yet we enjoy hanging out together (and harassing each other when our team is losing!) LOL!
Football New Orleans Saints
Always a great time-football and those you live!
Elle