My time has been stretched thin for the past two weeks, so I’m a bit behind on the news.
I’m not so behind, however, that I missed the tragic news that Matthew Warren, the 27-year old son of Pastor Rick Warren, took his own life. Rick Warren is Pastor of the Saddleback Church and author of the prodigious bestseller The Purpose Driven Life.
My heart goes out to Pastor Warren and his family. Enduring the death of a loved one is never easy regardless of the circumstances. Unfortunately, the pain brought on by an occurrence like this is exacerbated when you live your life in the proverbial fishbowl – first cousin to a glass house.
I’m too weary to be angered by the onslaught that Pastor Warren is receiving from people I’ll simply call “The Judgmental.” They sit on both sides of the aisle; Christian and non-Christian, yet their message is the same. In some ways, the criticisms Pastor Warren is receiving reminds me of similar words hurled at Jesus when He was on the cross – pretty much the most crucial time in His life:
“He saved others,” they said, “but he can’t save himself! He’s the king of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him.” Matthew 27:42, NIV
Really?
Is the loss of a son through the heart-piercing means of suicide something else that we judge people about?
Blogger Jenny Bolt Price had this to say on her Facebook page:
“Why would anyone kill themselves?”
“Why would she have an abortion?”
“__________ is just sick! I don’t know how you could do/be that!”
“Drug addicts want to be stuck. They want to be hooked on drugs so they don’t have to grow up.”
Have you heard “well meaning” people say these things? Or statements like this?
Sin is sin. I won’t deny that. Not at all. Wrong is wrong. What God says stands.
And Grace is Grace.
It too is undeniable.
Think about what you say, and who might be around you as you say it.
They will know we are Christians by our LOVE – not our judgment.
(this comes in the wake of many strong voices saying awful things to/about Rick Warren and family in the loss of their son to suicide)
I’ve been the victim of horrific judgment and even slander, so I know what it feels like to receive blame instead of a blessing, criticism instead of caring, and loathing instead of love.
My love and prayers are not only with Pastor Warren, but with anyone else who bears the brunt of someone else’s judgment, unkind words, and uncharitable attitude.
What Would Jesus Do? Well, examine your own actions and thoughts. Would His mirror yours?
I’ll wait.
Join in the Fray: What’s your first, true response when you hear of a tragedy?
I’m blogging every day in the month of April in Blogher’s NaBloPoMo Challenge. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment!
Copyright © 2013 Michelle Matthews Calloway, ASwirlGirl™, The Swirl World™, All rights reserved.
Karla, it’s interesting what you shared about your Mother’s experience. I’ll never forget when my husband was living and I was newly married, I got onto a conversation with a lady who was the sister of our Bishop. She had been widowed at 29 and left with two small children. She told me her experience – and it was EXACTLY what your Mother experienced. A few years later, the Bishop’s wife from another Jurisdiction told me a very similar story – all the other Pastor and Bishops’ wives shunned her after her husband passed away – and for the same reason that your Mother’s friend gave. I remember her saying in a wry tone, “It was like I had something that was catching.”
Sad to say, I found out the hard way that what they described seems to be a general experience for widows. They women who should be embracing and comforting you are the ones who shun you. The husband’s death alone already makes a woman feel abandoned, and then her “friends” seal the deal. Thank God your Mother didn’t allow her experience to embitter her and cause her to respond in kind. She truly is a “friend who loves at all times” – which is really how it should be.
Thanks so much for sharing that with me.
Hi Don,
Of course as a Bible-believing Christian, I believe that sin is real. The verse I quoted in my initial WWJD rant “all unrighteousness is sin” defines it for me, though I know people tend to have different definitions for it. Nevertheless, thanks for reading and commenting! I appreciate your perspective.
There’s so much going on (unfortunately!) I know it gets hard to tame that inner critic. 🙂
I wish I knew what happens with people when death occurs. They can be a good friend, a confidant, a person who will go all out for you until death happens. Then they change. When my father died (after a prolonged illness), my mother lost about 95% of her friends. At a time when she needed them most, they dropped her like a hot rock. As a family, we were grieving together but in different parts of the world so she needed her friends but they were nowhere to be found. She said that kind of “aloneness” was as bad as my father’s death. Later, when one of those so-called friends lost her husband, my mother was there for her, even though they hadn’t spoken in years. This woman was amazed. She asked my mom why. My mother replied, “It’s the Christian thing to do.” At that point, this woman broke down and apologized, saying the reason why she dumped my mom was because she was afraid that my mom would want her husband now that she was a widow. In fact, all the women in those friendships thought that. My mother was absolutely floored. She had never been that kind of person and yet, these women had made a judgment that was damning. My mother’s friend got to experience the same thing my mother did but the difference was that she had my mother.
Death does strange things to some people. I’m not sure why they think they have the right to judge Pastor Warren and his family, particularly when they don’t know him or his family. We live in a culture where people are comfortable behind their computer screens and will let that inner demon come out because they are anonymous. That’s the part of being human that stinks. For those of us who have a moral compass, we work hard to keep that inner demon at bay, even behind a computer screen but others feel it’s their right or they are just “being real”. It’s very sad. And don’t get it twisted. There are a lot of Christians who aren’t even thinking about Jesus and what He would do. Sad but true.
Excellent, Michelle! Except for that part of your quote from Ms. Price referencing “sin”, you’ve hit the nail right on the head! The difficulty, of course, lies in the general fact that most of those who need to read this won’t, and the few who will won’t see themselves in it.
Pardon me, dear lady, my inner cynic has been running rampant the past few days…