Hello everybody! Last week MiMi finally mentioned me. I know she did, because I’ve been keeping up. She’s talked about her friend Zee and some guys she went to college with, and she’s talked incessantly about her SM *_*
(When you see me go *_* it means I’m either rolling my eyes or giving you a blank stare).
MiMi talked about all of them, but had yet to mention me. My name is Nibbles, and until SM came along I was probably the most important guy in her life. (Well, other than her Dad. Or her brothers. Or her roommate/godchild, my Uncle Gus). It’s not enough for her to get engaged to SM – no, she has to write about him every week. *_*
Well, since MiMi finally decided to at least mention me, I decided it’s time for me to tell my side of the story. (By the way, her name is A Swirl Girl to you, but she’s MiMi to me. A dog’s gotta have something. Get over it.)
As I said, my name is Nibbles. I’m MiMi’s little Shih Tzu puppy. (I’ll be eight years old in November so technically I’m a dog, but MiMi tells everybody I’m just a “little bitty baby.” I would have a problem with that, but it helps her defend me when I get in trouble with Uncle Gus, or when I’m being deliberately rude and bark at SM. *_*
Here’s a picture of me:
Like I said, I was the light of her life until SM came along. Let me tell you about THAT:
We were at home and life was fine. It was just MiMi, Uncle Gus, and me when all of a sudden I noticed that MiMi was on the phone a whole lot. I mean, a whole lot. A WHOLE LOT. You see, MiMi is in school and she rarely has time to talk a whole lot to anyone other than Nana and Pop and Uncle Gus and her BFF Auntie Jacque and Auntie K and sometimes her friends Karen and Zee, but all of a sudden she was talking to this SM character A WHOLE LOT. I don’t even know when she met him, but suddenly she was talking to him ALL THE TIME – sometimes really late at night when she should have been doing her homework. I really didn’t like it because when they talked he would make her laugh really LOUD – so loud that she would wake me up and scare me! I mean, what guy is THAT funny? I hear that girls really like guys who make them laugh, but really???
I could tell MiMi liked him a lot because she spent more time talking to him than she did anyone else. She even got this special ring tone for him on her phone so she would immediately know when he was calling! Man, she picked this song that’s just as dorky as I bet he is:
I mean, why not pick a real song, like What’s My Name by Rihanna, Pretty Girl Rock by Keri Hilson, or even Moment 4 Life by that scary Nicki Minaj girl?
Me and Uncle Gus watch BET when MiMi isn’t home, and they play a lot of cool songs and music videos that she probably wouldn’t approve of . . . .
Um, have you met E.L.M.O.?
Anyway, they talked and talked and talked and then the next thing I knew he was coming over!!!! To our house!!! To meet Uncle Gus and take MiMi out!!!! On a DATE!!!!!
When he got here, I barked and barked and BARKED! He tried to warm up to me and pet me and stuff, but I wasn’t having it. Do you know when he came over for their first date he actually had a bag of gourmet dog treats in his hand???? Most guys would have brought flowers or something, but SM knew how much MiMi loves me so he brought something for me. Man, you would have thought he came with three dozen roses! I could tell he scored a lot of brownie points with that move. I heard MiMi tell Auntie Jacque about it later, and she was telling her that when SM did that it demonstrated how “sensitive” and “in tune with her” he was. *_*
What a sell out! I mean, what guy does that????
MiMi let him open the bag and give me the treats. Man, those treats smelled sooo good . . . . beef and cheese! My favorites! I didn’t want to, but I let him pet me so I could eat some of those treats. And yes, he really was a dork, just like I thought. He kept saying, “Here Buddy! Come on, Buddy!” I wanted to keep barking at him and tell him, “My name is NOT Buddy, my name is NIBBLES!” but I let him make it because the treats were so good.
And did I tell you how he looks? He’s very tall, with this pale skin that’s the same color as some of the people at that place where I go to get my shots or get groomed. He wears nice clothes, I guess, but he sure doesn’t dress as good as my Uncle Gus – my Uncle Gus has style! I would tell you about how SM can’t dress but my Uncle Gus can tell you better than me. Sometimes Uncle Gus makes jokes and teases MiMi about SM’s lack of fashion sense. MiMi just says “fashion isn’t everything” (but she still cracks up laughing)! Sometimes Uncle Gus really gets on a roll making jokes about the way SM dresses and MiMi laughs so hard she can’t breathe. (I think she’s planning to write a blog about it.)
When SM brought her home from their date I decided to bark like I was losing my mind. I didn’t want her to let him kiss her good night so I barked and barked and BARKED. I think I rattled her and I sure ran him off – he was down the steps and on the sidewalk before she could say “Hitch!”
In spite of all that SM still came back the next night. Not only that, he comes back all the time! He keeps bringing me really good treats, takes me out for nice long walks, and even picks up after me when I potty. He seems determined to prove to MiMi that he likes me, and even tries to act like he wants me around. He keeps saying really corny stuff to her like “I love you and I love Nibbles too,” and “Nibbles is ‘our’ dog.”
WHAT. EVER! MiMi was mine first and I’m gonna keep it that way! I’m not gonna roll over (well, I do, but only ‘cause I like having my tummy rubbed). Ahem. I’m not gonna roll over for some no-dressing-pale-face-dorky-smart-guy!
Gourmet treats or not, I’m not gonna accept him!
Watching BET with Uncle Gus has really paid off, because I learned about something called “blocking.” I try to squeeze in between SM and MiMi every time he comes over and they sit on the sofa, and when he starts kissing her you’d better believe I make high-pitched whining noises. That stops them every time, because MiMi just laughs and laughs and laughs and thinks it’s really funny when I do that. I notice that SM doesn’t laugh nearly as hard as MiMi does, so I know it must be working.
I forgot to tell you this: There’s a Bark Park across the street and one time SM walked me over there. I pulled a fast one on him and jerked away from him when we were crossing the street. My plan was to run down the street as fast as I could and shake him up but good. Man, when I jerked away my leash popped out of his hand and I took off running so fast I thought he was gonna faint! It was a great plan . . . except that I almost got hit by a car. That wouldn’t have been good for him, and it definitely wouldn’t have been great for me.
Even though so far all my plots to run SM off haven’t worked, I’m gonna keep planning and plotting and barking. Eventually I’ll figure out how to get rid of him. Man, I was in some high cotton before SM came along, but when he’s around I just live a dog’s life! Can any of you out there help a puppy out?
Join in the fray:
Make a comment and give Nibbles some ideas!
Uncle Gus says
HA!!! No ma’am. That is SM who watched BET… How do you think Nibbles learned the “Cupid Shuffle”… HA!! FDLOLROTFLMBO!
A Swirl Girl says
Uncle Gus, I did not laugh THAT loud! Quit playing!
P.S. Yes, you and Nibbles DID look at BET videos. I know you did – cuz he told me so!
Uncle Gus says
Hello everyone, Uncle Gus here… First of all I DON’T watch BET! Who does that. I have iTunes that plays a variety of music. Also about the fashion comment… UM YEAH! I dare NOT say SM but hey what ever floats your boat, HA! Nibbles told the story exactly how it is. MiMi ignored him so that he left her bedside and found another spot to sleep. He couldn’t get sleep because of her. He made his home the stairs because it was just far enough away to muffle the sound that would keep the neighbors up but also know if she was moving around or leaving.
I love your writing. This is so entertaining, I find myself waiting for the next article each week.