Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you can still be happy.
Be happy with you.
You and someone else . . . or you and you.
So happy together . . . . .
Join in the Fray: Can you truthfully say you enjoy your own company? Why or why not?
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Lyrics to “So Happy Together,” written by Alan Gordon, Allan Gordon, and Garry Bonner. Copyright: Alley Music Corp., Trio Music Company.
Ha! Thank goodness for professors like YOU!
Your first thought is absolutely spot on, And it IS true regarding many science teachers as well, especially at college level, especially at Cal, where first year chemistry and physics are also weeder courses, and most professors are there to do research, not to teach, and almost seem to get off by intimidating students, humbling them, administering tests in which the average score is 30 our of 100. I’m really glad you had some of the good teachers, most students i’ve known at Cal didn’t But then, if it wasn’t for such bad teachers, i wouldn’t have had a job.:-)
*Bites tongue and decides to not say to Jeff the first thought that came to my mind – namely, that some math teachers (science teachers, not so much) perpetuate the air of mystification by acting like math is something that can’t be understood unless they deign to teach it to the poor, simple minded non-math-oriented students. IJS*
Not the two teachers I spoke of previously – they wanted us to like math/geometry/calculus and did their best to make it interesting and fun. People like my chemistry teacher, on the other hand? ***BLANK STARE***
But you’re right. And kudos to you for being one of the good teachers.
Making a new comment, since your last one, Michelle, didn’t have a reply button.
Well, i guess the students liked me, selected me as part of a group of UC staff which they regarded as being the most helpful ones on campus, back in 2005. A big problem is that these classes are used as “weeders,” courses which filter out large numbers of students from heavily impacted majors such as engineering and pre-med, with actual teaching totally tossed out the window. So the students really value explanations which are intended to help them actually understand. Math and science teaching is screwed up from the high school level onwards, and this lends an air of mystification to the entire realm, people feeling like they cannot understand the simplest thing, and depending upon “experts” to explain every little thing.
Yes, plus some of the comments you’ve made about dreams, etc. *Faints at calculus and statistics – YUK* 🙂 You had to be a VERY good instructor to get that many students in for calculus lectures – for classes like chemistry, calculus and stats I was plagued with the types of instructors you described from high school throughout college.
Thanks. I’m familiar with html codes, i tag things i write.
I know what you meant re the “guy” comment, no offense taken, guys do have more problems talking about their emotions. I was lucky to fall in with a political crowd whose politics highly valued being able to transcend such barriers, and also appreciated dream analysis.
Not sure about the cognitive science reference. is that perhaps related to my short story? I used to teach calculus and statistics. For the most part, this was via workshops i did for a special program in the Cal School of Engineering, supposed to follow the lectures for the two second year calculus courses, but since the professors don’t teach (they profess, show off how much they know), and the teaching assistants often don’t know how to, too used to communicating only with other grad students like themselves, too busy being grad students, often lack language skills (come from other countries, being TAs is the only job they can get), i ended up with students bringing their friends, who brought their friends,… and soon i was teaching a huge (100+) lecture. I did teach some statistics classes for units, especially for a summer program for incoming students.
I make the text bold, italicized, etc. by using html codes. Mine are built into my WordPress Dashboard, but you can use them as well when you make comments. To view an easy guide to html codes, click here. The trick is to make sure the word you want to emphasize is in the middle of the formatting. For example, say I want to take the words “global society” (ha!) and make it bold. The html code would be – and the words “global society” would go in the center, where the > < meet. Here's another great page to look at; this one shows examples. I like it better than the first link I provided. Click here.
I think the dreams you describe also indicate how deeply you want to make a connection – which for a guy is especially awesome. (I hope that didn’t sound general and sexist, because that’s not my intent). And before I forget again, I’ve been meaning to ask about your Cognitive Science (I’m parking the references there; they may belong somewhere else). Is that what you used to teach?
A quick technical question first: how do you render text bold? My keyboard can’t seem to do that here.
Damn, the attitude you describe about staying in a bad relationship is sure familiar. I figured not only would i be faxing a devil i didn’t know, i would even more likely be facing not being able to find anyone. A year after my divorce, i did the personal ads in the weekly paper thing for a few months. The results were extremely dismaying. The only response which wasn’t awful was someone i knew,:-), and she and i were clearly not meant for each other..
I completely relate to the feeling of not wanting to go through all the process. And the hurt can unconsciously sabotage any attempts which you make because your desires for being able to have such a connection are just so strong and overwhelming. I’ve noticed in my dreams how often i meet someone i really like but then turn the course of the dream in a negative direction, e.g. she turns hideous-looking, other guys show up and take her away, she turns into a guy,….. Of course, if anything exciting does happen, i wake up,. That’s just due to the brain’s structure and dream process, as getting excited results in several parts of the brain getting involved, undoing the isolation of rhea parts which makes the dream process possible. Another way in which life can be unfair.:-)
So true – and yes, those choppy waters not only can seem daunting, they are. The bane of the single person’s quest and desire for relationship, and unavoidable, I suppose. A lot of people stay in not-so-great (and even downright bad) relationships simply because they’re familiar. They figure the devil they “know” is better than the one they don’t know – let me stick with this person because at least I know what to expect. The physical aspect covers a multitude of angles – I’ve known some women who stick with certain guys because they just don’t want to sleep with anyone else (and not necessarily because the sex was so great, but because they didn’t want to have to go through the processes necessary to get to that point with someone else). Other people have strong drives and simply don’t want to “do without.” And I agree with you – sometimes people can be so battered by their bad relationship experiences until the desire to not have to deal being hurt outweighs their desire to be in a relationship.
Feeling blue is an excellent inspiration for playing and singing the blues. Excellent call about many people being too needy, seeking relationships out of desperation. Prospects can then seem like lifeboats, with rejection tantamount to being tossed back into the choppy waters. I hung on to a bad relationship out of fear of being cast into the storm. led to strong feelings of self-hatred for clinging on in the face of mounting abuse, even physical abuse, settled only because she left (once she developed another option). But is there some drive which leads us to *want( to expand? Why else do people seek out others? I do believe the desire for sex is instinctual, and very strong, and it tales more than one for intercourse, by definition (otherwise no “inter”). but other emotions and experiences can get in the way of that, make for no longer wanting it, while leaving some sort of a gap internally that doesn’t go away, even if driven from the surface into the depths of the psyche.
You’re right about having to deal with feelings of depression; I certainly don’t mean to minimize it. And of course, I wholeheartedly encourage and believe people who get into a “funk” and can’t seem to get out of it should seek professional help. Under regular circumstances, feeling blue can be helpful, because having those feelings can help with assessing your life, figuring out why you feel the way you do, what to do about it, etc.
As for the self sufficiency, I’m all for an individual being a “whole person” with or without a relationship. Being with someone else should be an expansion – not the end game. I’ve met and receive emails from far too many women/men who settle for bad relationships because they “don’t want to be alone” – which makes them engage in needy, clingy behavior that usually renders them alone in the long run. You have to be happy with YOU first; everything else is just gravy. JMO
To be fair to the “bored,” there are times when it’s just hard to not feel depressed and bad, and in such times it’s easy to start feeling futile about anything you contemplate doing. it’s a feeling which can seem like being bored. Somehow you need a spark at that point, perhaps something you haven’t done in a while, something which just HAS to be done that you’ve been putting off…..
One can wonder: if you are so self-sufficient, why even bother with a relationship? The point would be to expand a good thing even further. Truth be told, i’m at a certain point where i’m not really sure i have the space for anything more, already hard to find time to do housework.:-) But then, that’s also an adaptation to reality for an older “white” Deadhead who still acts and looks like he’s in his late 40s-early 50s rather than nearing 70, and who’s attracted more than anything else to black women, at a time when over 80% of them have an “over my dead body” attitude towards daring white guys. However, this doesn’t mean i can’t coach. I can still offer analysis and advice. And i enjoy doing that.
So true! We carry ourselves everywhere we go – we cannot escape the person in the mirror. Knowing yourself and being comfortable in your own skin is the key to any other successful relationships we may have (or not have). Years ago, I purposed in my heart that a word I never allow to cross my lips is “bored” – I’m always saddened when I hear people say, “I’m bored.” Bored??!! What??!!! There are so many things to do; so much life to be lived – and that is whether someone shares that life with us or not.
If you aren’t happy with you, how could you possibly be happy with someone else who may enter the picture? How *could* anyone else enter the picture in such a situation? And why would they want to?
I feel like i can find things to do by myself no matter what. Helps to have interests such as playing music, reading, going on walks or hikes, gardening,…. I’m most likely facing living the rest of my life alone (i.e. not in a relationship), so i’m determined to make that time as happy as i can make it. Enjoy being with yourself. And, enjoy being with friends, Having a community helps. Helps a lot.