From the Mailbag . . . LDR Tips

I recently received this question about LDR’s (long distance relationships) via e-mail:

Hello! I  have a question. I am dealing with someone seriously. Of course she is long distance LOL!! However it’s been about 3 or 4 months now. I’m getting tired of the LD thing. I want her close! My question: What are you guys doing to maintain your relationship considering it is LD also?

My response:

Hey Reader,

Thanks so much for your question.

I have to admit that besides the distance, the corresponding major bummer about LD relationships is the fact that they are EXPENSIVE. When SM and I started dating we committed to trying to see each other at least once a month. However, with our work schedules it averaged to about once every 3 – 4 weeks.

I know that may be financially beyond the reach of most people but we still had to maintain the relationship in-between trips. So, we IM’d practically every day when I was at work, did the web cam thing at least once/twice a week in the evenings (as time/schedules/school permitted), texted each other frequently, and also did our best to talk on the phone at least once a day – even if it was only for 5 – 10 minutes. We figured out our own rhythm – it was easier for him to call me on his way to work in the AM; it was easier for me to call him when I went to lunch or was driving to class.

I’d say the main thing that keeps things together is COMMITMENT, FLEXIBILITY, and TRUST. We are committed to our relationship and making things work, so we are both willing to make any necessary sacrifices. That’s where flexibility comes in – sometimes his case load is extra heavy or he has hard deadlines, so I know I have to be content with a text message or quick IM versus a full-fledged phone call. He has to do the same; when my school schedule is poppin’ and I have a major assignment due, he contents himself with IM’s when I take a break, or texting (and maybe a quick convo when I make a Starbucks run). Trust comes into play when we simply believe each other when we say we’re doing whatever it is we’re doing – and we know each other’s schedules so well we don’t even concern ourselves with the thought that any hanky panky is going on.

Another thing we do (it may seem corny, but it’s really fun and we enjoy it) is take pictures on our cell phones of different things and send them to each other. It can range from anything like the rain falling outside, to a pizza slice, or a meal one of us has cooked that day. We also send each other e-mail links to articles we think the other may be interested in. Another thing we did was each get a subscription to Hallmark and American Greetings online so that we could send each other e-cards.

I personally think that LD relationships can be stronger than in-town relationships simply because you have to work harder at them – so you don’t take each other for granted. I also think it makes you more creative, and you think of ways of sharing your life with the other person simply because they are not right there.

Hope this helps!

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Long distance relationships – a go or a no?