It’s easy to engage in negative self-talk, isn’t it?
To beat ourselves up with the coulda, shoulda, wouldas of life.
Your psyche is calling, and it has a message for you.
Please stop.
Please stop focusing on the negative circumstances of your life; your shortcomings and faults.
Instead, choose a different train of thought.
Try celebrating what’s good and right about you.
Give yourself a break.
Tomorrow is another day, and you’ll have a free, clean slate of 24 hours to work on getting things right.
Today, this minute, do yourself a favor.
Be gentle to yourself.
Join in the Fray: Name one thing you can to do be gentle to yourself.
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Exactly! We have to possess a good level of confidence in who we are, and what we believe and feel. If we don’t, we’ll do just as you described – sway with the lightest breeze.
It’s not useful to do that which makes others unhappy just for the sake of self-assertion, but it’s even more important to be able to stand up for yourself, especially when you deem it important,. Admittedly , the importance may be momentary, but the still, important to establish one’s ability to be able to pick and choose criticism instead of being swayed by the lightest breeze.
That’s so true! I’ll never forget an incident occurring when I was in junior high. Black nail polish was in vogue (it goes in and out of style; so funny!). I was quite accomplished at giving myself a manicure and I prided myself on my hands & nails. I’d given myself a manicure and painted my nails very carefully with a new bottle of black polish. I was bursting with pride because I’d scored the bottle of polish before it sold out, and I felt so trendy and COOL. Once my nails were dry, I showed them to my Dad. His response? “Great – now your hands look just like little raccoon paws!” He was joking and meant no harm, but I was crushed. K-RUSHED. Lol! (I can laugh about it now). I didn’t burst into tears (even though I wanted to) but I did go and take every bit of the polish off. My Dad apologized profusely and of course I forgave him, but the damage was done. YEARS – and I mean Y-E-A-R-S passed before I was able to wear dark nail polish. To me, my hands looked like raccoon paws. LOL!
I said all that to describe just how deeply I cared about my Dad’s opinion – until he said that, I had not realized how much. He was able to turn it into a learning moment, and showed me how important it is to like what I like and do what makes me happy. In many instances we’re able to do that, but we have a tendency to allow the thoughts & opinions of certain people to influence us unduly – and our view of ourselves and the world suffers as a result.
Michelle, sometimes there were placed on us by others, . And sometimes, we placed these upon ourselves in response to concerns, wishes, aspirations,… expressed by parents, relatives, teachers, friends,, employers,.. in our desire to please the others, to maintain an image of perfect performance.. We fear so much being criticized that we become merciless to ourselves.
Jeff, I like that approach! Using that method seems like it would go a long way toward preventing a person from internalizing things and laying them at their own door, so to speak. And you’re right – a lot of the things we beat ourselves up about are actually things that were placed on us by someone else.
You have to wait fora really good situation to this. Say you beat yourself up, and then you find out that there was no reason to do so, e.g. you actually didn’t make the mistake you did with an errand, you didn’t forget to do something,…. At that point, go after the beaters within you. Give them a personae. These thoughts most likely do have some origin in someone else, often done by someone who thought they were doing us a favor and teaching us to be mindful and self-critical;. Don’t get abusive, but get very firm with “them,” admonish “them” for frequently beating you up. And then, next time you engage in this behavior, remind “them” that they have been wrong before! Point out that beating yourself up mentally is like slamming your hand into a wall out of frustration, and an energy surge which you can’t deal with. It all only make things worse.