This week we bring you Part 2 of Mike’s response to this question from our Facebook page:
“I wonder how Mike feels about women with children? Is that deal breaker? It seemed like his perfect date would be for a women with no children and free time to spend a whole day (not knocking it but I have two boys who come first). I just wonder if this isn’t even considered when looking for a mate . . . Sorry I’m soap boxing :: steps down::”
Last week we shared Part 1 of Mike’s response. It was so thorough we broke it in two parts!
Here in Part 2, Mike tells us if a woman with children is a deal breaker for him:
“I don’t expect to be anyone’s saviour, last best hope, Prince Charming or even Quasimodo for that matter. I am a man with just as many flaws as any other, and I definitely don’t have all the answers. My response could be just as wrong as it is right. But for what it’s worth I think a man, a true man who is honest to himself as much as he is to you should have the fortitude to not lead someone on if he had no intentions of making a commitment. If they constantly focus on the above barriers they see in the relationship, then the chance is that they aren’t ready, no matter how much you might want them to be.
I don’t wish to say all men are going to be like this, as they won’t. Some will though, and I would rather see you prepared than go in blind. If a man wants to be with you but does not care for your kids, that’s a deal breaker. The last thing you’d want is someone who is willing to marry you, but at the expense of excluding the children you already have, especially if the marriage leads to having a child with him who he might favour over the others. That’s not good for you or your children. If you’re honest and open with the guy you meet and let him know that your children are the most important thing to you, and will also need to be important to him, it will help you weed out the non-genuine suitors. They might be Mr. Right in all other ways, but if they aren’t willing to recognise this, they are not right for you.
I think that it would be excellent to show anyone you do date just how good it can be dating someone who already has kids. Kids are great as they don’t varnish their opinions, and are often good judges of character. They’re also fun to hang out with because everything is new and interesting, stories are fun and exciting, and they impart this to the people who share it with them. They’ll say the funniest things at odd moments, and are wonderful to watch growing up, despite the growing pains they all go through, and the difficulties that might arise in looking after them. Some men will really like this and take it as a challenge and new experience, others won’t. It is the way of all relationships I guess.
I hope I haven’t blathered on for too long, nor been completely ignorant of understanding things beyond my scope. As with all men often I am as thick as two short planks, but I do like to learn. I know I will be learning as much if not a multitude more from all of you than any small pieces of wisdom I might impart. I am willing to recognise when I am wrong and in the face of new evidence change my mind. If I say something out of turn or am completely oblivious, please do let me know as it’s the only way we can progress. I love to have a discussion and spirited debate, but I always intend to approach such things with both an open mind and an honest viewpoint.
Thanks for your question, it’s given me much to consider!”
Got questions for Mike? Send them to us via inbox on Facebook or email them to ASwirlGirl@TheSwirlWorld.com.
Tune in next Monday for more Mondays With Mike!
Join in the Fray: Is Mike being realistic . . . or unrealistic? Why or why not?
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